Today we started our TESOL class.  We talked about styles of teaching and lesson plans.  For homework, we were broken into groups and had to create a lesson plan that we will present tomorrow.  It was all so new to me and it just feels impossible.  It took our group all evening to do the lesson plan which just made me feel worse, if worse was even possible.  The feeling of “Where’s the Undo Button” came up again.  I don’t want to be here.  I don’t want to be a teacher.  Worse yet, I won’t be able to do it.  I’m just going to fail miserably.  I want to run away and I can’t go anywhere.  I can’t undo this decision.  Yesterday, I was excited about this.  Today, I’m frozen in my tracks.  I tried going to my room to scream and cry and it helped a little, but I still feel completely incapable.  I want to do something to alleviate how uncomfortable this feels, but there is nothing I can do.  The cognitive side of my brain knows I’ll be fine, I can do this.  But, the inadequate feelings are not going away just because I know this is stupid.  I’d like to wrap this blog up in a pretty package with pictures, lessons learned, and a big smile on my face, but I can’t.  Maybe tomorrow.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore