I’ve been told that around day 4 your body has turned to burning fat for fuel so you feel like you could conquer the world.  That was not quite my experience.  My brain couldn’t make decisions today so I wouldn’t know what part of the world to start conquering first.

I woke up feeling good.  I still want to eat, but my stomach doesn’t hurt.  I think it’s the ritual of eating.  You wake up in the morning and then start thinking about that cup of coffee and what you are going to eat.  So much of our lives, especially our social lives revolve around eating.  So many people pride themselves in being foodies or great cooks or love making that unique bar drink.  Or as simple as, I’m the person that eats eggs and bacon in the morning.  Who are you if you don’t have that?  I think what I’m craving is not the food so much as the ritual of eating and the joy of sharing a meal with someone.

I love sitting outside here.  In the shade it is wonderful (the sun is not).  So I spent a lot of the morning sitting out side trying to decide if I wanted to read or color.  I couldn’t decide so I went to the morning movie.  The movie was “From oil to nuts”.  It was about how salt, sugar and oil were good and how they were bad.  It was very interesting and I learned a lot, but it couldn’t hold my attention the whole way so I didn’t see the whole movie.  After the movie, coloring won the debate of coloring vs reading.  I spent a good part of the day coloring.  The afternoon talk was on Living Wills – It gave me some great ideas – I’ve got some work to update mine.  More coloring.

My thinking is going, but only slightly.  It’s mostly trouble making decisions and a bit of “why did I come into this room”?  My ability to tell where I am in space is going a little.  A couple of times going around a corner, I bumped into the wall.  I kept dropping things like a pencil or a pad of paper.  If I move too fast, my balance is slightly off.  Going up the stairs I get very winded and have to rest for a minute or so.  Even though I feel better, these are not good qualities for conquering the world.  The leg evaporation thing happened a few times.  I really think this is muscle fat burning.  If you look at my legs they are kind of tiny and silly looking.  There’s a lot more mucus in my nose.  Fingers crossed that this is the sinus problems I’ve had all my life flushing and resetting!

Around 5:00 a big wave of yuck came over me.  I just felt bad – headache, hunger and general yuck.  This was right before the singing bowl healing so I figured that would fix me up.  It was in the yurt, which unfortunately, is hotter than the burning sun.  Apparently it had become farther away from the lodge than it was before.  I got tired and winded walking to it.  I had trouble relaxing because I felt like my clothes were melting to my skin and I would never be able to remove them.  The music was so beautiful and I wanted to cry.  The tears never came up, but they were there.  So, I asked myself what the tears were about.  It felt kind of like parts of my body were sad because they were going to die with this fast.  I thanked them for their service and told them it was ok to go.  I thanked my diseases and imbalances for taking care of me when I needed them, but I can take care of myself now so they are no longer needed and could go.  Even though I was physically very uncomfortable, the music was wonderful.  My headache and yuck did not go away.

Then there was the olive oil mission.  I felt a bit like a spy gathering a top secret liquid.  I can’t use lotion because of all the chemicals.  My feet and legs are so dry.  The doctor said to try coconut oil or olive oil.  Even though he told me that, I sill feel like it is contraband.  I called one of my mother-in-law’s friends and asked her if she could bring me some.  I can’t drive and after the yurt experience I can’t walk more than 2 blocks.  She didn’t have time to sit and chat so she drove up, gave the oil, hugged me and was on her way.  My feet are happy now.

In the evening I went to find Judy.  She is also doing a water fast, but today was her first day fasting.  I use to see her at some of the movies and talks, but didn’t see her once today so I wondered if she was having a bad first day.  She was doing ok, but stayed on her porch most of the day reading because she didn’t feel great and couldn’t go in the lodge because of the smell of food.  We talked for a long time.  I noticed that when I left her my yuck and headache was gone.  I think this is a great testament to the poly-vagal theory that connection with others is important.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore