Category: Burning Man

On By rrainefioreIn Burning Man, UncategorizedLeave a comment

For anyone following the Zachery story line, I talked to him on the phone the other night.  I told him I missed him and he told me that I needed to stay present, in Thailand.  So, if I’m going to be here, I can’t miss the people I care about back home?  It’s real hard making a huge change like this and part of what’s helping me get through it is my friend Wendy who checks in with me on a regular basis, reminding me that I’m supported.  I feel like if I don’t contact Zachery, he won’t contact me.  I’ve felt for a while now that I really would like to get to know him better, but he’s not interested.  He does return my calls and I know that he does care for me, but I guess I’m just more invested in him than he is in me.  After that comment on the phone, I’ve decided he may be a friend, but he’s not part of my support team and he probably doesn’t want to be.  I was just hoping he would be.  So, that wraps up that story.

On another note, thank you so much to Wendy who has spent the time to send me little notes and talk to me on the phone to remind me of who I am, why I’m here, and that I’m loved.  I am grateful to Winnie, Katie, Jay, Guy, my mom, my brother, and a bunch of other people who I know are cheering me on!  I have so much wonderful support and love!

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, Burning ManLeave a comment

I’m on a plane to go visit Zachery.  On the way to the airport Wendy asked if I was nervous about seeing him.  I’m not.  I do feel uncertainty though.  I’ve been trying to keep in touch with him since Burning Man, but I feel he’s not as invested as I am.  I am wondering if I should have just skipped the plane ticket and time off work.  I still want to see him in his natural habitat and spend some more time with him.  I am hoping to get a better idea if I am spending my time wisely trying to learn more about him or if I should set my attention elsewhere.  No matter what I find out, I know that it will be nice to relax and spend time with him.  He is a huge part of why I feel loveable and if that is all this is, then that is still huge.  I once again believe there are men that are kind, thoughtful, fun and loving.  And I once again believe that one of them will want to be with me.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

On By rrainefioreIn Burning ManLeave a comment

I got to see Zachery again for a night before he left Colorado.  It was so difficult to say goodbye on playa and now I have to say goodbye again.  It’s just as difficult this time.  I have a hope that this isn’t just a random week, but that there is something deeper happening here.  It feels like this is significant, but I actually can’t tell if it is or if I just want it to be.   I fall in love so easily.  Is this just attachment behavior?  What is left when that runs it’s course?  Understanding Attachment Theory doesn’t make this less painful.  Ugh.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Cliche – I found myself at Burning Man

On By rrainefioreIn Burning ManLeave a comment

So, I won’t write about all my Burning Man stories.  But here are two highlights that are worth mentioning.

I did a full day shift unlocking cars with one of my favorite people, Katie.  That was the longest volunteer shift I’ve ever done and we just had a blast.  We rocked it at unlocking cars.  No locked car left behind.  Heroes for a day!  That was the best volunteer shift I’ve had on Playa.

That night I was supposed to go out with some friends, but I was very late due to a flat tire on my bike that just didn’t want to be fixed.  It took forever and when it finally was fixed, I headed out to see if I could find my friends.  One of them had left and the other was still in his camp.  I was so frustrated.  Nothing is going according to my plan.  So, I went out with other friends than the ones I had planned to.  One of the guys that went out with us was someone I had just met earlier that day.  I had barely paid attention earlier because he’s not the type I usually go for.  If it wasn’t for the flat tire, I’d have gone out with other friends earlier in the evening and might not have spent time with Zachery.  We ended up spending a lot of time together the rest of the week.  He’s considerate, interesting to talk to, and fun.  When I was with him, I felt like he was present with me.  I felt like he had nowhere else he wanted to be than with me.  I felt taken care of, I felt loved and desired.  I loved the way he looked at me.  I haven’t really felt this in a long time.  There was definitely a part of me that was still believing that I’m not lovable, that no matter what I do, there is no one to love me.  The only guys I found in the past were ones that didn’t want a serious relationship until the girl after me.  Or I was their second choice.  Or they told me I was wonderful and they hoped I found someone wonderful to love me (someone else).  I wonder if I have finally chosen differently.  I had forgotten that I am lovable and desirable and after this week, I could actually feel that I am.  I have no idea what the future holds, but I am more in touch with my femininity than I ever have been and I’m actually enjoying the uncertainty of it!  I cried a lot of the drive home, both because I was so happy to love myself again and because I was sad to say goodbye to this wonderful man.

I was sick with a sinus infection for most of the week.  I didn’t gel with my camp as much as I would have liked.  In no way did it turn out to be Easy Man, but, I wouldn’t change a thing.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Easy Man is Over

On By rrainefioreIn Burning ManLeave a comment

We left at 4 pm yesterday with the plan to drive through the night and arrive at the line for the gate an hour or so early.  At 4 am he was too tired and I was starting to melt down.  We decided it was safer to get a hotel and sleep for a few hours.  The van was so uncomfortable that neither one of us could sleep in it.  It took every last ounce of energy I had to not kill the guy who checked us in to the hotel that moved so slow wanted to have a little 4am chat.  So, this late night plan may have saved our lives, but it made us late and  set us up for one of the most annoying experiences of my life (yes, I know, first world problem).  We got to Wadsworth at noon.  This is normally 1.5 hours from the playa.  Traffic stopped.

It’s 5:00pm and we still aren’t to Gerlach (town right before the event).  I’m tired and cranky and struggling being present with anything.  Will we ever get there?  Will I even get there in time for my Lock Out shift tomorrow?  For a while I was doing well with just being present and going with the flow, but I think maybe I was just lying to myself.  I’m frustrated.  It’s bringing up all sorts of hopeless feelings.  I just want to go home.  Why do I want to go to this anyway?  What’s the point of anything?  Easy Man is over and now it’s just way too many funny dressed people trying to get to the desert.

The only entertaining thing is the discovery of the Shirtless Man Early Warning System.   The cars would move for about 10 miles and then stop for an hour or so.  With a solid line of cars and motorhomes, it was difficult to see up ahead when cars might start moving again.  There was a group of shirtless men about 8 cars up that would get out every time we stopped and go off to the side of the road to play frisbee or drag chairs out to sit in.  We couldn’t see when the cars were about to move, but we could see the shirtless men pack up and run get back to their cars.  Thus the Shirtless Man Early Warning System was activated.

We finally got in the gate and dropped my stuff off at my camp at 11:00pm.  The only people in camp are a bunch of high people sitting on a couch out front.  The two people I know are not here.  I’m staying in the girl’s dorm.  My dorm room is too small for me to put all my stuff in.  I’m exhausted and I just don’t want to be here.  Full melt down.  Chey finds me and helps me sort out my stuff and reminds me we have a central shared area where I can put some of my stuff.  Chey may have saved my life.  Instead of going out with the art car and meeting new people, I go to bed.  Maybe I won’t want to die tomorrow.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

On By rrainefioreIn Burning Man, Moving PrepLeave a comment

I am all packed for Burning Man except food which I’ll pack last.  I packed pretty easily – If I didn’t already have it (except for new goggles), I didn’t need it.  I had one pair of shorts that needed a top.  Katie made a suggestion of something I could make and I told her that making costumes did not fit with my Easy Man plan.  An old T-Shirt, a pair of scissors, some ribbon, and 10 minutes later Katie had made me a shirt.  Thanks Easy Man and Katie!

I stayed up super late though taking pictures for the realtor of everything that could be packed and moved to storage while I’m gone.  Exhausted.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

On By rrainefioreIn Antarctica Job Search, Burning Man, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I watched a bunch of videos about unlocking cars.  It looks pretty easy.  This is going to be a fun way to volunteer at Burning Man.  It’s also kind of eye opening how easy it is to break into a car if you have the right tools.

I got word back from GSC that all the positions I applied for were filled already.  Ooops sorry, we didn’t contact you?

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

On By rrainefioreIn Burning ManLeave a comment

After I got my ticket, I asked Katie who she thought I should camp with at Burning Man and she said the Fucking Flamingos – the group she camped with the year before.  I knew a couple people at that camp and contacted one of them.  He put me in touch with another guy who sent me a bunch of information on the camp.  I told him about my plan to only do planning/prep for Burning Man if it is simple and stress free.  He suggested I was doing Easy Man this year.  This camp seemed to be a good fit for me and I love meeting new people.  Sign me up.  Ticket – Check.  Home on the Playa – Check.  Now to find a ride out there.  Well on my way to making Easy Man a reality!

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore