Yesterday, I taught a half a class instead of 4.  But since this is my 2nd week at school, it was probably time to teach something.  By the afternoon it was looking like it would rain.  The wind was strong which I liked because it maid me feel cooler.  I saw part of the hill on fire – I think it might have been lightning.  I got home and had running water!  And by running water, I don’t mean what you are use to at home, but enough to take a shower and as much as I’ve ever had here.  I took one of the fastest showers ever because I’m now wondering when the water may run out.  If everyone comes home and takes a bath or shower or does dishes or laundry, there may be no water.  Or maybe the amount of water has nothing to do with anything and is random.  I think it’s random.  So, speed shower time.  But it was delightful to wash my hair!  Yay! I ate dinner while it poured rain.  After, it stopped raining, I went to the massage place.  I wasn’t sure if I was too late, but if I was, they didn’t turn me away.  It’s weird because it’s in someone’s home.  There is no massage shop with hours on the door here.  My entire body is a mess.  My joints hurt.  My legs are tight.  My back is all rope, no muscles.  I think my hands have been feeling numb lately because my back and shoulders are cutting off the circulation.  Disaster.  But, I plan to go to massage at least once a week and do my conscious movement at home and investigate what I’m holding.  I suspect this is part of the final battle of the ego.

This morning’s guest in my bathroom was a snake.  Thank god it was after I was dressed and ready for work or it could have been more than I could handle.  I called Q over.  He came over with a stick taller than me.  He meant business.  By the time he got here I couldn’t see it.  So, I assumed it went under the tub.  My tub is about 4 feet high by 1 foot across by 3 feet wide.  Q is now standing on top of the tub with a giant stick poking the stick everywhere.  No snake.  He finally climbs down off the tub and we agree that it’s not to be found right now.  I show him a picture and his response is “Oh, I think it is little”.  Ugh.  I don’t care. Little snakes can be just as deadly.  He said he would tell the janitor to chase it out.  Poor janitor has become so busy trying to fix all the problems this crazy western girl has.  Q shut the bathroom door and suggested I keep it shut.  In theory, that’s a great idea, but there is a 6″ gap at the bottom of the door that’s not stopping anything.  I rush to get ready to go and look in the bathroom one more time to see the snake near the toilet.  I don’t know what to do so I tried bug spray.  He didn’t like that and thankfully slithered out the drain hole in the wall.  But, if he got out, the screen on the outside of the hole isn’t doing it’s job and he could come back in later.  This might explain the disappearing frogs I had in February.  I think I’d rather have the frogs back.

Still, I went to school feeling terrified of my bathroom, but not feeling much else.  The whole day was kind of indifferent.  I think the massage last night released some of the stuff I was holding on to and now there’s no thought that I can’t survive this.  I’m pretty resolved that I’m leaving after September.  It doesn’t feel like an escape or a running away or an avoiding, but more like a decision made.

Last semester I had 16 classes a week.  This semester they changed it to 17 and today I was told I would be teaching another advanced class so 18.  I had 4 classes this morning with no break. From nothing for a week to full on.  It was ok though.  I like the advanced class.  It’s only 20 students instead of 50 which is nice too.  The other classes went fine too.  It will be a lot of work having this many classes, but what else do I have to do?

In the afternoon, Noi came to get me.  They are still having issues with my work permit.  This time the problem is that the date on my visa doesn’t match the date my passport was stamped as coming into the country. And neither one matches the date of the request for the work permit.  How can these people deal with granting work permits if they don’t know how it works?  I had to get my visa before I came to Thailand so the dates will never match.  I came under a visa that is for the purpose of finding a job so it will never match the date I got the job.  So, we had to drive to Tak 45 minutes away to meet with them to try to work it out.  I think it’s worked out now, but I have no idea.  After, Noi had to go get supplies for the the school store and to make decorations for an upcoming holiday.  We go to the school supply store in Tak.  I sat in the school supply store forever waiting and sweating.  I find the stores here to be interesting.  There is so much stuff and yet, hardly any stuff, all at the same time.  The variety of stuff is what there is a lot of, but the amount of each thing is what there is hardly any of.  So, there are school uniforms – so many colors and styles for all the different schools, but only 5 or 6 of each kind.  There is tape, glue, pens, highlighters, paper, and so many things, but only one bin of pens or 7 folders.  It was so hot.  I would scratch my arm or back and my fingernails would come up so dirty.  I think I’ll just be constantly sweating and dirty here.  We went to a second school supply store, but this one went quicker.

Then we went to dinner.  She asked what I wanted and I told her something with vegetables.  I was hoping for a salad, but not counting on it existing in Tak.  She took me to a sukiyaki place.  She ordered a plate full of mushrooms and tofu and some vegetables. I don’t like mushrooms, but I wasn’t specific enough and I did ask for vegetables.  There’s a hot plate built into the table and you cook the soup right there.  Overall it was pretty good.  After dinner she wanted to show me the hanging bridge in Tak.  There’s a park near the river and a suspension foot bridge.  The river is very wide here so the bridge is quite long.  It looks like a miniature Golden Gate Bridge.  It bounces and sways in the wind.  There is a night market next to it.  There were quite a few people wandering around the market and walking over the bridge.  The people wandering around and hanging out gave the area a wonderful energy.  There was a nice breeze that made the evening feel comfortable.  It was a very pleasant evening.

By the ride home, my brain is exhausted.  Even though her English is better than most, it’s still very difficult to understand her.  She loves to talk and I’m just tired from trying to follow and answer and explain.  Then she pulls out the big guns.  “If you have no religion, how do you know how to behave correctly”?  I’m not sure if she means me or if this is the collective you.  My brain goes all foggy and I feel quite grounded.  I feel like I understand the answer to this question fully, but have no words or energy left to explain it.  I have no desire to answer the questions, but that would be rude so I try the best I can to explain what I believe.  I think it’s possible to live in harmony with life, other people, the world around you because it’s the right way to live, not because your religion tells you to.  I don’t think I did a good job of explaining.  She asked if I could forgive people.  I explained that it sometimes it was difficult, but most of the time, yes, it’s very easy.  If you see the truth of the situation, you will see that the other person didn’t do anything wrong or they acted out of fear or some other emotion or that you are reacting out of fear or some other emotion.  Again, I don’t know that this translated either.  But she now thinks I’m an amazing person that forgives easily.  Then she went on for the rest of the ride about if you live a good life and don’t do bad things and give money and prayers to the temple, you will come back in your next life with everything you need.  You will be rich, smart and happy.  If you do bad things in this life you will come back as an animal or have a bad life or come back with no body so no one can see you.  I use to believe in karma, but have since decided I don’t buy into in the hard and fast rule that if you do good this life you will be rewarded in the next.  I do believe the energy you put out is the energy you will get back. All I could see as she spoke tonight was the fear of bad and clinging to maybe the future will be good.  What a wicked game we play.

Tonight I took another speed shower, but mostly because I’m afraid of what is lurking in the corners or under the tub.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore