I’ve been told that around day 4 your body has turned to burning fat for fuel so you feel like you could conquer the world.  That was not quite my experience.  My brain couldn’t make decisions today so I wouldn’t know what part of the world to start conquering first.

I woke up feeling good.  I still want to eat, but my stomach doesn’t hurt.  I think it’s the ritual of eating.  You wake up in the morning and then start thinking about that cup of coffee and what you are going to eat.  So much of our lives, especially our social lives revolve around eating.  So many people pride themselves in being foodies or great cooks or love making that unique bar drink.  Or as simple as, I’m the person that eats eggs and bacon in the morning.  Who are you if you don’t have that?  I think what I’m craving is not the food so much as the ritual of eating and the joy of sharing a meal with someone.

I love sitting outside here.  In the shade it is wonderful (the sun is not).  So I spent a lot of the morning sitting out side trying to decide if I wanted to read or color.  I couldn’t decide so I went to the morning movie.  The movie was “From oil to nuts”.  It was about how salt, sugar and oil were good and how they were bad.  It was very interesting and I learned a lot, but it couldn’t hold my attention the whole way so I didn’t see the whole movie.  After the movie, coloring won the debate of coloring vs reading.  I spent a good part of the day coloring.  The afternoon talk was on Living Wills – It gave me some great ideas – I’ve got some work to update mine.  More coloring.

My thinking is going, but only slightly.  It’s mostly trouble making decisions and a bit of “why did I come into this room”?  My ability to tell where I am in space is going a little.  A couple of times going around a corner, I bumped into the wall.  I kept dropping things like a pencil or a pad of paper.  If I move too fast, my balance is slightly off.  Going up the stairs I get very winded and have to rest for a minute or so.  Even though I feel better, these are not good qualities for conquering the world.  The leg evaporation thing happened a few times.  I really think this is muscle fat burning.  If you look at my legs they are kind of tiny and silly looking.  There’s a lot more mucus in my nose.  Fingers crossed that this is the sinus problems I’ve had all my life flushing and resetting!

Around 5:00 a big wave of yuck came over me.  I just felt bad – headache, hunger and general yuck.  This was right before the singing bowl healing so I figured that would fix me up.  It was in the yurt, which unfortunately, is hotter than the burning sun.  Apparently it had become farther away from the lodge than it was before.  I got tired and winded walking to it.  I had trouble relaxing because I felt like my clothes were melting to my skin and I would never be able to remove them.  The music was so beautiful and I wanted to cry.  The tears never came up, but they were there.  So, I asked myself what the tears were about.  It felt kind of like parts of my body were sad because they were going to die with this fast.  I thanked them for their service and told them it was ok to go.  I thanked my diseases and imbalances for taking care of me when I needed them, but I can take care of myself now so they are no longer needed and could go.  Even though I was physically very uncomfortable, the music was wonderful.  My headache and yuck did not go away.

Then there was the olive oil mission.  I felt a bit like a spy gathering a top secret liquid.  I can’t use lotion because of all the chemicals.  My feet and legs are so dry.  The doctor said to try coconut oil or olive oil.  Even though he told me that, I sill feel like it is contraband.  I called one of my mother-in-law’s friends and asked her if she could bring me some.  I can’t drive and after the yurt experience I can’t walk more than 2 blocks.  She didn’t have time to sit and chat so she drove up, gave the oil, hugged me and was on her way.  My feet are happy now.

In the evening I went to find Judy.  She is also doing a water fast, but today was her first day fasting.  I use to see her at some of the movies and talks, but didn’t see her once today so I wondered if she was having a bad first day.  She was doing ok, but stayed on her porch most of the day reading because she didn’t feel great and couldn’t go in the lodge because of the smell of food.  We talked for a long time.  I noticed that when I left her my yuck and headache was gone.  I think this is a great testament to the poly-vagal theory that connection with others is important.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

I didn’t sleep well.  I kept waking up.  It seemed like people were coming and going so early in the morning.  But I didn’t have the intense weird sleep either.  I still woke up feeling good despite the lack of sleep.

I watched a couple of educational films today.  One was on fasting.  The other was on salt, sugar and oil and why eating them in large amounts is bad.  I tried doing my breathing exercises, but they made me dizzy.  I had a skype call with one of my classmates.  We  have been meeting once a week and it’s very grounding to talk with her.  There was restorative yoga in the afternoon.  Restorative yoga for someone on a fast meant doing mostly stretching while lying on the mat.  Next time, she recommended I try chair yoga.

I went out the labyrinth, but based on how difficult it was to walk last time, I just took my shoes off and stood in the sand until the sun chased me back to shady areas.  The weather here has been delightful – not too hot in the shade and a nice warm breeze.  I’m so use to breezes being very cold and uncomfortable.  I’ve left my windows open the whole time.  How do I work it out to live here in the spring and fall and in Colorado in the summer and winter?  Part of what I’m hoping becomes clear while I’m here is what the heck am I doing next.  Am I moving to Europe, buying a house in Colorado, staying an engineer or becoming an artist or an awakening coach?  Decisions can be so tough sometimes.

I had intermittent nausea and headaches today, but less than yesterday.  The hunger is almost gone.  I think I only had 2 or 3 hunger “attacks” today.  But remember, I can’t count to 3, so who knows.  My lips are chapped, my feet are dried and crackly, but I can’t put on lotion.  The doctor recommended coconut oil or olive oil, but there’s no way for me to go out and get that.  I lost 1 pound my first day here and 2 pounds yesterday.  This is going in a silly direction.  But, I was told that weight loss tapers off too – that was mostly water weight.  I had a “bath” today.  Basically a wash cloth bath, but it was still delightful.  I wonder how it will go without deodorant.  I also was able to brush my teeth without toothpaste, just water.  But, since I’m not able to do anything that would make me sweat and I’m not eating, I feel quite clean.

Tomorrow I should go into keytosis which is where the body stops looking for carbohydrates as fuel and starts burning fat as fuel.  This is why most people feel better on day 4.  When I talked to the doctor about the tingly muscles last night where they felt like stuff was coming out of them, he said that was probably the fat in the muscles starting to metabolize.   On day 3 or 4 people get energy back, the headaches and stomach problems go away.  They feel like they could conquer the world.  I’m pretty sure conquering the world is not allowed while fasting though.  I’ll have to conquer the world another time.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

A few things I noticed since I changed my diet the past couple of weeks.  I could only eat fruit and veggies, some grains and beans – nothing that came from an animal, no caffeine, no sugar, no bread.  I noticed that my eczema came back, my sniffy nose allergies were worse, and I was getting very cold in the evenings.  I remember going to bed freezing, pulling the covers up over my head and still freezing.  Then I’d warm up later.  I feel like I’ve been dreaming way more and that they were far more vivid and intense.  Perhaps these are all signs of detox?

The first day of fasting went well.  I felt ok in the morning although, I didn’t sleep as long as I would have wanted to.  I went to walk the labyrinth instead of breakfast.  I got all the way in and half way  back out and then I felt kind of light headed – not like I would pass out or lose my balance, but I took it as a sign that I had done enough exercise for a while.

They have activities through the day.  I attended a meditation/mindfulness one which was nice.  The other one was called Energy 101 – it was too basic for me, but it was still a nice thing to talk about for an hour.  There was a movie, but I came down for it an no one was there so I went back to my room.  There was live music during dinner (not everyone here is fasting).  I missed it due to a nap. The other wellness guests here are nice and I’ve spent some time talking with them.  There’s 3 others than me right now.  There are lodge guests too that are just vacationing in Sedona – I see them coming and going, but that’s it.

I’m hungry, but not uncomfortable.  Do you know how you feel sometimes when you waited too long to go to lunch and you are very hungry, but you know you can do this one other thing and then go?  It feels kind of like that.  I did notice looking at the time, realizing it was 11:45 and thinking “oh, I have to go eat”.  I got hungrier just from that small trigger.  Drinking water helps a little.

I felt quite peaceful most of the day, very excited that I’m doing this and often joyful.  I noticed something interesting when I felt joyful – I could feel it mostly in my face, behind the cheek bones, eyes, sinuses and temples as if there was electricity there.  It feels like nerves firing – maybe part of the polyvagal system?

The doctor’s intake exam was more thorough than a regular doctor’s exam.  I feel like I’m in good hands.  The doctors or nurses come find you twice a day and check on you.  In the morning I have to take my temperature, blood pressure, pulse and weight so they can track how you are doing.  I also have to track bowel movements (they will stop at some point), water intake and in general, how I’m feeling.

I took a nap in the afternoon.  I’ll call it adventure napping.  It was terrifying.  I closed my eyes and felt my whole body go numb.  I tried to move and couldn’t.  It felt like I was going into a deep dark hole that I would never be able to wake from.  I kept telling myself not to go to sleep, don’t close your eyes, don’t go into the dark, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t open my eyelids.  I did start dreaming at some point and they were very detailed and intense and I was quite aware I was dreaming.  I did wake up.  The deep dark hole didn’t swallow me forever.  My body was numb and I felt heavy for a least an hour after.  It was intense and weird.  I assume my body is detoxing further, including thoughts and deep dark holes.  The journey has started.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

A lot  more driving today.  It should have been 6 hours, but somehow it took 7.  There were a lot of trains.  For many hours, that was the only interesting thing.  Of course, Flagstaff and Oak Creek Canyon were the highlight of the drive.

The retreat center is beautiful and I felt welcomed right away.  My room is very nice, which is good, because I think I will spend a lot of time in it.  I spoke with one of the doctors also and I start the fast tomorrow.  I ate dinner at the retreat center – last meal for awhile.  They brought me a giant jug of water for my room.  I also took the last shower and brushed my teeth for the last time.  There is no bathing (except a wet wash cloth) and no toothpaste while fasting.  This shall be interesting.  I’m feeling pretty good and I’m very happy with my choice to come here.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore