Yesterday morning after a horrible breakfast, I found the information desk. I’m not sure why it was invisible the night before. I asked them how to get to the temple (Chin Swee) near the casinos. There’s a free shuttle from the hotel and it’s something to do in the real outdoors. The giant bus is terrifying on these steep roads. It’s still foggy, but it’s real pretty to see the fog rolling around the mountains. It was really moving fast at times. At the temple I got to see more Buddha statues. I also go to walk the journey to enlightenment. I’ve studied and worked so hard and here’s a simple path to walk. Who knew? Ok, it’s not that easy. The path was a series of dioramas showing the 10 different hells. What hell a person goes to depends on what horrible things they did here. They get tortured and then at some point they get to go to the last hall and they are given a drink to make them forget everything. Then they get to come back here in another life and try to do it right again. So, basically, this was a way to scare you into being a nice person. I doubt I will be turning into a Buddhist anytime soon. I prefer my world where hell is actually a creation in the mind, something we made up.
After the temple it was time for a pedicure. They told me to come back at 2:00. I came back at 2:30 and they were all booked up the rest of the day and evening. I went to 4 other spas and they were all booked too. Either there are only 2 nail ladies at Genting Highlands or I pissed someone off and have been blacklisted. Tell the curly haired girl no, she showed up a half hour late. I went back to the burger place and ordered the pesto gnocchi with greens. The greens were arugula. I love arugula and have missed it so much. This is the best food related thing to happen in forever! I went to a movie, Ben Hur. It’s the first movie in a theater I’ve seen since I left the US. Arugula and a movie – life is good! I still feel sick so I went to the clinic and got an antibiotic. This has to be a sinus infection, colds don’t last this long.
Today Omar, my taxi driver, is taking me down to Kuala Lumpur. I didn’t gamble at all and I thought maybe I’d want to work here. I’m not going to pursue that avenue.
The taxi pulls up to a forest of fake trees with lights in them. Omar, my taxi driver, pulls my suitcase out of the trunk and points to a series of sliding doors with lights and people everywhere. “Over there” he says as he bids me goodbye and I tell him I’ll call him in a day to arrange my pick up. There are signs everywhere and everything seems to be moving. I can’t read any of the signs even though they are in English. I can’t find a hotel check in desk. I’m not even sure where the hotel is. People keep bumping into me and I feel like I’m dragging the largest suitcase ever. I know it’s not the largest suitcase ever because I use to own that and left it in Thailand. Still….. I see 4 or 5 banks of electronic kiosks with 10 or more kiosks in each one. I walk up and see that it’s for hotel check in. So, I must be near the hotel. No matter what I do, it won’t let me check in. I try to get help. There are a bunch of people in uniforms standing around, but none of them will help me. Maybe I’m invisible. Maybe I’m not actually here. It does feel kind of disjointed like a dream. Finally a lady helps me. She points to a sign that says all pre-bookings need to register with a guest services clerk first. That sign wasn’t there a minute ago and what’s the point of point of self check in if you can’t do it yourself? She asks how many people – just me. Then a little later she asks if I need a second key. For who? It’s still just me. If I want a second key, I will need to give her a second passport. It’s still just me. What is going on? “Any special requests? Oh, too late, here’s your key”. Huh? I find tower 1 and go up to my floor. I step off the elevator and into a bad dream. Have you ever been so sick with a bad fever or woken up from too much anesthesia where your dreams are drug induced, creepy alternate realities where nothing is as it should be? I found the portal to this alternate reality. It’s at the First World Resort Hotel in Genting Highlands. In the air was soft electronic ambient music. There’s no real tune or beat, just horrible wandering sound that suggests that time no longer exists, you are the last human being on the planet and you no longer have arms or legs. The only windows are covered in purple film casting a creepy light everywhere. The striped carpet is covered in water stains as if the entire hotel was flooded last week. I could almost feel the water on my feet as I walked down the hall wondering what could have caused that much water damage. The halls go on forever and the music makes me feel like I’m in slow motion. Well, I no longer have arms or legs so maybe that’s why I’m moving in slow motion. Or maybe the halls are growing longer as I walk down them. Or maybe I’m actually underwater. Three years later I arrive at my room. It has twin beds, not a double and the tv doesn’t work. There’s no wifi. I might have walked backward through time to before there was wifi. That’s possible.
I make the three-year journey back to the hotel lobby or rain forest or whatever it is. They told me that it doesn’t matter what I booked ahead of time, the rooms are all first come first serve. I can come back later and see if a room with a queen bed became available, but there’s no wifi in tower one and for some reason unknown to me, there’s no chance in hell I will get a room in tower 2 or 3. There’s 4 hotels, 4 or 5 casinos, an indoor theme park, shops, restaurants and an arcade all interconnected so let’s go explore and hopefully find some food on the way. My experience so far had left me very disoriented and I notice that there are signs and some of the words are in English, but I can’t read them. All I see is trees with lights in them. I find an elevator and go up. When I exit I am “outdoors” in a market. A whale floats by above me. It reminds me of main street Disney with the overdone perfect shops, fake bakery smells, lights everywhere and people everywhere. This is the slightly lower budget Asian casino version mimicking an open air market. A reindeer sled with two kids in it flies by. The statue of liberty is riding a Harley. I see the casino entrance, but don’t go in. That might be too much. There are restaurants on the other side of the river, but I can’t get to them. Guess that’s not where I want to eat tonight. I find a movie theatre, a haunted house, tons of stores and Ripley’s believe it or not. It’s 4 or 5 stories of this fake outdoors. An escalator goes up, but there’s no escalator down. There are dead ends and a lot of “how do I get over there?”. I find an escalator that goes to the next hotel/casino. Maybe they will have food I want. It turns out to be 6 or 7 escalators some of them so steep that I had to hold onto the railing because I felt like I would fall over. It drops me off at an arcade. FUCK. It’s so loud, lights everywhere, and so many small humans. I have now lost all ability to function. I stood there like a deer in the headlights. I don’t even remember walking, but then I was at the other side of the arcade and looking at an Italian restaurant. I couldn’t read the menu, but by looking at the place, I figured I couldn’t afford it anyway. More walking, more dead ends, more casinos, more hotel, more Chinese people, more food consisting of something and rice. So hungry. So don’t want rice. And about 2 minutes before total melt down – burger and a ginger beer. Yay! Not sure how I found it, but I felt human again after I ate it. I think going from rural Thailand to this in one day, I might have overestimated my adaptation skills. I know people that get easily overwhelmed by too much stimulus. I think this might be how they feel. But, knowing that it’s just over stimulus, I never panicked or actually freaked out. I kind of enjoyed most of it even though it was frustrating when I got hungry.
After dinner, foot massage. Here that involves a steam tub for your feet and legs. At first it was nice, then it tried to peel my skin off. Not a fan. Then back through the arcade. Arcades are just casinos for kids, practice for later. I went into one of the casinos. I didn’t understand any of the table games and I don’t care for slot machines. I found some game rules and descriptions and took them to one of the river side bars I couldn’t get to before. I had a drink and read about the games. The drink did me in so I will play games tomorrow. I was able to get my room changed to one with a queen sized bed. Still no wifi. I think they named the hotel wrong. Instead of First World Resort, I think it should be called Better than Third World Resort. My new room is still in the time warp tower 1 so I still had to swim with no arms and legs to it.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Entrance to rain forestOutdoor market insidehuh?A whale with children in itFoot steam bathDon’t like foot steam bath
I stayed in this cool hotel in Chiang Mai. I booked it because it was right next to the airport, had a coffee shop and was made of shipping containers. I have a friend that owns a company that makes houses out of shipping containers so I was excited to see a hotel with this concept. It was a great concept. But in effort to make the place look cool, they kept the restaurant open to the hotel section. If I opened the door from my room, I was looking directly at tables in the restaurant. Even with the door closed, it sounded like I was sitting in the restaurant. It was a very popular restraint and every table was full all night long. So, going to sleep early so I could get up early and well rested for my flight was not happening. Then they didn’t have a shuttle and were not willing to call a taxi for me so I had to walk 3 blocks to the nearest road to get a taxi. The coffee shop wasn’t open in the morning. The hot water didn’t work. Great idea, poor execution. They should have just had a kick ass restaurant and skipped the hotel part.
The Chiang Mai airport is so easy. No lines. My bag was overweight and they didn’t say anything. Security did take my deodorant though. Getting there wasn’t easy. I was literally next to the airport (could see the runway) and had to walk 3 blocks in the other direction to get a taxi. Then the taxi went 15 minutes in the wrong direction to drop someone else off. I swear it took 25 minutes to get back to the airport.
Flying into Kuala Lumpur, the ocean was an unnatural green, not the pretty pale tropical green it should be. It looked like radioactive waste. In places it wasn’t green, it was brown like a Colorado river in flood. I had originally planned to scuba dive, but then scrapped that plan when I realized all the scuba places were a 4-8 hour drive away from Kuala Lumpur. Now I know why they are so far away. Still between the weird water and the acres and acres of palm farms, it was a beautiful strange new world to land in. The highway is big and clean and at first glance everything seems to be much cleaner than Thailand. I bought a SIM card in the airport so my phone will work here. It seemed to be working, but on further inspection (in the cab, not in the store) it’s not. Yay technology. We drove past the city on the way to Genting Highlands. It’s a huge city. Genting Highlands is a tacky looking ridiculous casino at the top of a mountain. I found it when I was looking for jobs in Asia. I thought it would be a hoot to check it out and if I like it, maybe I’ll try my hand at dealing cards again. The road to Genting Highlands is very steep, steeper than most places in Colorado. The entire top of the mountain is covered in casino, hotel complex, and mist. Just driving through it is a maze of tunnels, high rise buildings and construction. If I had been driving, I’d still be driving in circles lost.
Last night there was apocalyptic thunder. It shook the whole house. The electricity went out twice. I remember storms like this in Florida, but have never seen (heard) storms like this in Colorado. I was so dizzy and feverish that I just hoped that the storm didn’t take down the house because I would be unable to move to safety.
I got up this morning and finished packing and cleaning. Then I sat and waited for an hour for Noi. She took me to the post office to mail a couple boxes and then to the highway to catch a bus. I’m now homeless. It should feel like a huge relief, fear, excitement, sadness or something, but it just feels empty. All my belongings fit into 4 bags or were mailed back to Colorado. I’m setting off on a travel adventure and I’m not excited about it. I feel lonely, but not sad lonely, just alone. And there seems to be no point in anything. Why travel? Why go home? Oh, I have no home to go to, just a storage shed full of stuff and a car I can’t afford. Should I sell everything I own and wander? Should I build a new home in Colorado or somewhere else? Where? I was restless and uncomfortable when I did have a home and I’m restless and uncomfortable without one. So, home or no home is not the answer. I wanted to get lost – I’m lost. So, I guess I’ll just wander and be lost or empty or full or alone or not and see what I see and see what happens next.
This morning was goodbye time. At morning assembly, they said goodbye to me in front of the whole school. The director gave a speech and Pat translated. He talked about how he could see my strong intention and kindness that I brought to the students every day. Kru Pat gave a speech and I gave a speech. Some of the teachers gave me gifts including Kru Pit who told me good luck and be happy in Thai and then hugged me. Two of my students gave speeches too. Of course, I was crying. So many people told me not to cry. It makes them so uncomfortable when someone shows emotion. Noi even asked me if I felt relief after releasing all my bad feelings. What bad feelings? Crying isn’t bad. It’s an emotion, it’s a natural part of being human. Everything exists at once, it’s not bad and then good. But, how do you explain that who believes in black and white so strongly?
Then everyone went into the meeting hall where they had ceremonies to say goodbye to the teacher who is retiring. There was a picture slide show, speeches, gifts, photos, singing, students prostrating, and more photos. One of the gifts at each going away I’ve seen is a fan. I wonder if a fan is the most popular gift. I’m glad I didn’t get a fan. I wouldn’t be able to take it with me. I love the singing and think it is a wonderful way to show gratitude, but I’m not too fond of the prostration. Why does this bother as a sign of respect, but singing doesn’t? (I had video of the singing, but wifi doesn’t want me to upload them right now). After all this each class came up on stage and took a photo with the teacher. When M1 was up there I remember thinking they looked so young (11 and 12 year olds). It struck me that here was a man saying goodbye to his old life, an old life as a teacher ending standing next to so much youth, lives that had barely begun.
After all the pictures most students and teachers had left. I noticed the M6/1 class standing in a circle patiently waiting for all the pictures to be done. They brought the retiring teacher into the center of the circle and sang to him. It was beautiful to watch. Before they had started they had asked me to wait and not leave the meeting hall yet. After they were done with him, they brought me into the center of the circle. Someone said they had to sing in English and they didn’t know what to sing so they sang the alphabet song. It was hysterical. Then they tried to sing “See you again”, but didn’t get past the first chorus. They finished with a Thai song. It was very touching and my favorite memory of the day. I didn’t get any photos or video of it. If they surface later, I’ll post them.
I wanted to buy one of the school shirts. There was one dark green one left and I was holding it up to see if it would fit. Kru Chelon came in and saw me. She had me try it on and then was so excited because she wanted to get me something, but didn’t know what so she bought the shirt for me. So sweet!
Random thought of the day: Why don’t they make belts in different sizes? Every girl has a belt that is way too big for her. So the tail of the belt wraps all the way around to her back or over to the other side. Since this is annoying, they hold the belt in place with a binder clip.
I didn’t do much the rest of the day which was good because I’m still sick and just feel horrible. Noi was supposed to come get the bags I’m leaving with her after school. She decided not to take them and we went to dinner instead. I felt so horrible that I barely made it through dinner, but I had no food at home so I didn’t really have much choice. At some point she said she thought Americans were frank and went on about how this was a bad thing. This is one part of Thai culture I just don’t agree with. I’d rather someone be honest with me than lie to me just because lying is “nicer”. This conversation, along with one about me being a liar because I say “I don’t know”, did me in. I’m too sick to deal with this right now.
I didn’t teach much my last week. I was so sick most of the time. My last M4 MEP (advanced 10th graders) was Today. After we took photos, the bell rang for the end of class and they just stood there awkwardly. Finally, one girl asked if she could hug me. They all wanted to hug me. They were awkward at hugging and I just cried. Even after the hugging, they wouldn’t leave. I spent most of the rest of the day aimlessly staring at my computer. One of my M1 MEP (6th grade) found me and brought me a gift of a pair of massage pants and a t-shirt. The t-shirt has Tak, Sam Ngao and the zip code on it. She picked that t-shirt so I could always have Sam Ngao in my heart. Later, some of my M4/2 students came into my classroom just to sit with me and ask me questions – where you go? – When you go to America? – What you think of M4/2? – Why no boyfriend?
This evening I said goodbye to Tip, Fai, Ging and Tent. I’m sad to say goodbye to them. I imagine there will be some more crying tomorrow. Tomorrow morning there are no classes so the school can say goodbye to me and the teacher who is retiring.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
MEP 4Some M4/2 StudentsLast coffeeM6/2 ClassM6/1 ClassPeeling a pomeloGift from one of my MEP 1 studentsGoodbye Laundry RoostersTip and GingWell, their English still needs some work, but that’s not the point
I stopped by the school farm today. The lime trees are budding and most of the dragon fruit has been planted. I’m not sure any vegetables have been planted, but it makes for a great ghostly kind of picture. The banana trees are looking sad, but I think they will bounce back if someone waters them. My kitten buddy is waiting for me almost every day. He’s so cute and then he tries to destroy my screens. Too bad he didn’t show up when I first moved here. I might have took him in. Oh, and 2 days to go.
This weekend I didn’t have much to do. I packed. I cleaned. I rode my motorbike up to the top of the dam again. There’s a shrine up there I haven’t seen before so I walked up the steps to see it. There’s a shrine near the bottom of the dam too that I had never been to. I rode my motorbike up this ridiculous hill. I didn’t make it the whole way and had to push the bike the rest of the way. I barely made it. Then behind the shrine, I saw trails. What? They looked like mountain bike trails from the race not too long ago. This whole freaking time I could have gone hiking? My friend Gerry had asked why I didn’t go out into nature to process since I don’t have privacy at home. I told him there were no hiking trails and most everything is thick dense jungle that has monsters hiding in it. Then this trail appears. Damn it, too late.
Sunday I napped. I never nap. Monday I woke up feeling like death. My head is stuffed up and I can’t stop coughing. Oh, that’s why I napped. Noi took me to the hospital. The doctor said I have a cold or the flu. They gave me medicine and sent me on my way. I’m not convinced I don’t have a sinus infection. I slept most of the rest of the day Monday and half of Tuesday. I started feeling better today, but now I feel horrible again. I’m not surprised. I’ve been trying to hold it together and get a lot done in a short period of time. I’m stressed. I’m going back to bed.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
This is what most of where I live looks like – No hiking hereNo hiking hereAnd no hiking hereWhat? A trail? Too late.I’m not good enough to ride all the way up this
Yesterday was all it was promised to be. There were around 300 teachers from the Sam Ngao area for the retirement ceremony. There were 11 teachers retiring. I must have looked lost because a teacher from Tak decided to take me under her wing and take care of me. Her name was Kru O. She spoke very good English. She showed me where to sign in and get my goodie bag. Then we went and sat up in the second row. She had heard of me. Some of my advanced 7th graders use to be her students. She asked me a ton of questions. When she found out I was leaving, she seemed shocked that I would want to leave. I told her I wanted to live in a bigger city. She now has a new job for me in Tak. It would be at a small school – class size of 10 students instead of 30 or 40. And that’s how you get a new job. Not real sure I want that job or want to live in Tak, but I’ll throw it on the back burner in case. Kru O reminds me of Noi, She’s tiny, so full of energy and quite forceful. She scares me a little.
A lot of the teachers were dressed in matching school shirts. Some of the teachers were dressed to the nines in silk dresses, silk suits, silk, satin or lace shirts or traditional Thai dress. I saw some of the most beautiful silk I’ve ever seen, vibrant colors that you couldn’t look away from.
The day started off with someone talking over the microphone, but no one listening. Then they lit the candles on the Buddha altar. The monks came in. The altar like things were actually chairs for four of the monks to sit in. The rest of the monks sat on the stage. The retirees sat in a circle around the arch. There was chanting. Kru O explained that the ceremony to ask for a happy life. Then at some point we took the string hanging down and wrapped it around our heads. The retirees did the same. The string started wrapped around the Buddha statue then went to the arch. From the arch it went out to the retirees and the four monks. Then the string went out to everyone else. This must be some powerful string. There was more chanting with each of the monks reading something different. After a long time, we took the string off our heads and one of the monks walked around with the reeds in his hand using them to throw holy water on everyone. I got video of only the tail end of this. Then there were offerings of food and other things given to the monks. Then speeches. Then the giving of gifts. Each retiree got a pretty wrapped package and a glass box with what looked like a statue of the King in it. After all that, it was time for lunch. I tried one of the things that looked not to spicy. Wrong – it was spicy. They had the dessert of jelly things in coconut milk with ice on top. That just didn’t cut it. I snuck home for some steamed veggies.
I came back to find most people had gone home and they were cleaning up the mess in the meeting hall. I helped a little, but it was mostly students doing the work and teachers directing so there wasn’t much I could do. I spent the afternoon grading tests.
I went to Tip’s for dinner. She made tom yum which is one of my favorites, but I can rarely eat it because it’s usually too spicy. It always smells so good and breaks my heart that I can’t eat it. Fai doesn’t like spicy either so she made it with no peppers! After dinner I played crosswords again with Ging and her husband. Ging won again!
I got home around 9:00 to find the gate closed and locked. It’s been closed before, but never locked. How do I get home? I texted Q, Noi and Pat. Pat got back to me and told me she texted Ton and he’d let me in. He came up to let me in. Apparently everyone that lives at school has a key to the gate except me. Wtf?
Today I started cleaning the house. Yuck. I usually don’t mind cleaning, but the amount of cobwebs was gross. It took 3 hours and I still have to clean half my bedroom and the bathroom. I’m just hoping there is no bug apocalypse or some other natural disaster in the next week that will make me have to re-clean. Now my challenges for the week are to get laundry to dry without smelling bad and get everything packed into two suitcases. Go!
Yesterday, the day started off with a small ceremony. It involved speeches and all the teachers standing on the stage for photos that I will never see. Thompien told me it was International Peach Day. Huh? Ok, that could be a thing, I guess. But based on the two peaches I’ve had here, it’s not worth celebrating. After asking her a few questions I figured out it was International Peace Day. That makes way more sense, but I like International Peach Day better.
Tomorrow is a ceremony for all the teachers in the District who are retiring. They spent most of the afternoon getting the meeting hall ready. I went down to see it at the end of the day expecting the normal podium, brightly colored satin fabric and a bunch of flowers. It was that and more. At the front of the room is a three sided arch made of sticks and leaves. There are four gold and red altar like things around it. Then there is a network of wire leaving the archway going out over the chairs. There is string hanging down from the wire in various places and over each chair. Someone tells me that tomorrow we will put the string on our heads for good luck. Noi tells me that the string will connect everyone’s aura. We will be connected to someone, who I assume will be in or near the archway. Maybe the people retiring? She tried to explain what an aura was as if I didn’t know. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. She lost me at aura. I’m excited to see what happens.
Rraine Drops 