Tomorrow we get to go teach kindergartners for a few hours. It will be interesting to see how this is different from the middle school chaos we discovered last week. Wish me luck. I still don’t know where I will be placed.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Today was our day off for the week. Four of us got up early and went to Phraya Nakhon which is a shrine in a sink hole. We could get there by hiking or boat and less hiking. We decided to hike all the way in and do the boat on the way out. After spending so much time sitting in class, or walking around town or riding in songthaews, it was nice to actually hike in nature. So glad we got up early. We did a lot of the hike before the heat of the day and we missed most of the rest of the tourists. It was really beautiful. At one point, there was a sign explaining how far the trail was and it said that it was a gently sloping trail. Everything from that point on was so steep, stairs were cut into the trail. I’m going to guess that someone was a little confused on the difference between gentle and aggressive. Near the end of the trail, you walked into a beautiful cave/sink hole. Then the trail led into another one. This last one had the shrine. It was very beautiful. We hiked back down to the beach and took the boat back. On the way back to town we stopped at the Hua Hin train station which we had heard was worth checking out. It was worth a couple of pictures. Later we had dinner at one of the night markets. Back to school tomorrow.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
For anyone following the Zachery story line, I talked to him on the phone the other night. I told him I missed him and he told me that I needed to stay present, in Thailand. So, if I’m going to be here, I can’t miss the people I care about back home? It’s real hard making a huge change like this and part of what’s helping me get through it is my friend Wendy who checks in with me on a regular basis, reminding me that I’m supported. I feel like if I don’t contact Zachery, he won’t contact me. I’ve felt for a while now that I really would like to get to know him better, but he’s not interested. He does return my calls and I know that he does care for me, but I guess I’m just more invested in him than he is in me. After that comment on the phone, I’ve decided he may be a friend, but he’s not part of my support team and he probably doesn’t want to be. I was just hoping he would be. So, that wraps up that story.
On another note, thank you so much to Wendy who has spent the time to send me little notes and talk to me on the phone to remind me of who I am, why I’m here, and that I’m loved. I am grateful to Winnie, Katie, Jay, Guy, my mom, my brother, and a bunch of other people who I know are cheering me on! I have so much wonderful support and love!
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
I don’t know what my placement is yet, but I’ve been told that it will probably be in North Thailand (physically looks more like central), rural, and high school. Of course, everything here is subject to change at the last minute so who knows? I love the idea of a rural school as I would love to see what that is like and I won’t have any choice but to be immersed in the culture and my community. After the demon day with middle school aged kids, high school sounds wonderful. Of course, I’d love a nice resort beach town or island, but I can do the scuba and beach thing on vacation. I’ll keep you posted!
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Today we discussed our experiences teaching yesterday. Wow, some of the stories I heard from others topped mine. There were kids fighting, lighting things on fire, and kids making shanks out of razor blades. What?
We found out today that they have placement for all of us, but only a few people found out what their placement is. I still don’t know mine. Hopefully I will know tomorrow. We are supposed to have two more weeks of TESOL class, but found out today that some of us will be leaving next week for our placements. Oh crap. I’m not ready.
We had homework again tonight. It took us about 3 hours to create our lesson plan for tomorrow. I feel like when I get to my school, all I will be doing is teaching, creating lesson plans and sleeping.
I discovered the most wonderful drink tonight. Taro Milk.
I didn’t take very many pictures today and they have nothing to do with what I’ve written above. But, here they are anyway.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Wow. I got up this morning and didn’t feel nervous about my first day teaching. I didn’t feel excited either. I have no doubt I can do this. We were supposed to teach 6 middle school classes – the same English lesson plan. We are teaching in pairs which is part of why I didn’t feel nervous. This won’t be our final school. It’s just one day and it will be good practice. School starts with all the kids in lines per their age/grade in the front yard of the school. They had a band which I was quite impressed with. They were better than any middle school band I’ve ever heard. They raised the flag, did the national anthem, and then sang a bunch of other songs. Then a couple teachers spoke to the group. I teared up a few times as it started to hit home that I would be doing this every day in the very near future.
Then we were told that since the assembly went so quickly that we would do 4 classes before lunch instead of 3. We went to our first class. They did ok with the vocabulary words, but putting them into sentences didn’t go as smoothly. They were not too interested in learning English. We had some fun games for them to play. There are a few students who are the top students and this was easy for them and then there were kids at the opposite end of the spectrum. It was so difficult to keep their attention. One second, you had it, the next was total chaos. Each class was the same – some learning, but more time spent trying to get their attention.
After, 3 classes, they left for lunch even though we had been told 4 classes before lunch. Then they told us 2 classes after lunch. Apparently, nothing ever goes as planned or as you are told it will go. I want to learn to go with the flow of life? Ok, here it is. I felt ok at lunch and felt like two more classes would be ok, but I can’t say I was having fun or enjoying myself. So far, this is not my idea of a fun job. It’s just the first day and I know that where I get placed in the future may be very different.
We got back and there were only a few kids in our class. They told us no more class for the day. Huh? Then the teachers told us our grade was done for the day so I went and watched another teacher pair. They seemed to be having similar issues to what we had. Then our last class of the day – mayhem. They didn’t get the opening activity we did. They were all over the classroom. Half of them participated. The other half didn’t. Everything we did to get their attention failed. Then a half hour in, they started packing up their bags and putting their chairs on their desks, telling us class was over when it wasn’t. I felt completely useless. Another one of the teacher pairs ran in and helped us corral them, but it was difficult even after that. Total chaos.
It was hot and we have to wear pretty conservative clothes. It wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated, but I was soaked by the end of the day and sooooo ready for a cold shower. Still, this is “winter” so come June, whoa.
If I end up with a class like this, I feel I won’t last a week in my job. Some of the other teachers commented that they had fun today. I didn’t think today was horrible, but I didn’t find it fun either. Do I need to re evaluate my idea of fun? What did I expect? What do I wish it was like instead? I expected this, but not quite as unruly. I’m not judging myself. I did my best and my best didn’t quite cut it so I have some work to do learning classroom management. I realize I wouldn’t want to sit in language classes all day either. I think what I want is to teach those that want to learn. I feel like they won’t retain or use anything they learned today which feels a bit like a waste of time. Of course this day was as much for our learning as theirs. I learned I need to work on classroom management. I feel this isn’t the job for me, but I’m here and this is what I’m doing so I might as well learn something. I feel that I’ve come a long way with self judgments as I don’t feel an emotional charge to how the day went. I am a bit nervous about going off to some school by myself in the very near future. Wish I had more pictures to share, but that was one thing too many for me. I’m sure there will be more in the future.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Today was a roller coaster of “I don’t want to do this”. and “It’ll be ok”. We went over our lesson plans for tomorrow. Tomorrow we are teaching all day at a school – 6 classes. We are in pairs and each pair will be teaching the lesson plan we created last night to each of the classes we are assigned to. I’m not excited to do this, but I am curious about how I will feel about teaching after a full day of it.
Tonight after dinner, I thought I’d try something different so I ordered a caramel tea with milk pudding. I had no idea what that meant and I’m still not quite sure. I tasted like iced tea with caramel sauce in it. It was milky too. Then at the bottom were large ice cube sized chunks of super sweet gooey gelatinous stuff. It was drinkable, but overall, it was just wrong. I will not order that again. I’ve had ice cream inside mochi – mochi ball – I’d highly recommend this gelatin delight. One night I had what looked like deep fried broccoli. Nope. It was deep fried something with the flavor of garlic and scallions. I called it gummy scallions. It was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever had, but I’d do it again. There are all sorts of gummy candies. They put black jello on rice and call it dessert. There’s boba tea and then all sorts of versions of drink that resemble that, but are not quite that. What is this fascination Thais have with gelatin?
Had a great lunch today at a cute place that had bull dogs running around the restaurant. I’m sure it’s sanitary. Nothing gelatinous there. One of the bulldogs came running up to me and gave me his toy. Then he jumped up in my lap and demanded attention. When I went to give my camera to a friend to take a picture, he then started barking at me and growling. I think maybe it was a cat in a bull dog body.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
We did our first lessons in class today. I didn’t die. I didn’t fail. So, I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I don’t feel excited about it and I don’t feel like this is the job for me, but at least I’m pretty sure I can do it. I still haven’t identified why this is feeling so dire. I know the emotional level is much higher than the actual situation warrants. This usually means the situation is tapping into a deeper issue I haven’t resolved yet. I’m too exhausted right now to investigate into that….. But, rest assured, I will be ok and somewhere along the line, I’ll enjoy this again.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Today we started our TESOL class. We talked about styles of teaching and lesson plans. For homework, we were broken into groups and had to create a lesson plan that we will present tomorrow. It was all so new to me and it just feels impossible. It took our group all evening to do the lesson plan which just made me feel worse, if worse was even possible. The feeling of “Where’s the Undo Button” came up again. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be a teacher. Worse yet, I won’t be able to do it. I’m just going to fail miserably. I want to run away and I can’t go anywhere. I can’t undo this decision. Yesterday, I was excited about this. Today, I’m frozen in my tracks. I tried going to my room to scream and cry and it helped a little, but I still feel completely incapable. I want to do something to alleviate how uncomfortable this feels, but there is nothing I can do. The cognitive side of my brain knows I’ll be fine, I can do this. But, the inadequate feelings are not going away just because I know this is stupid. I’d like to wrap this blog up in a pretty package with pictures, lessons learned, and a big smile on my face, but I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Today we did laundry. That was interesting. They don’t have laundromats like in the US. It’s just a line of washing machines next to the road. It was interesting trying to figure out what buttons to push. It took forever, but it all worked and now our clothes are clean! Then we wandered around a different neighborhood, got Thai massages and found a wonderful night market. The night market was touristy and prices were higher than other places, but most of the non-food items were handmade art and clothing of real good quality. And, with every market, there was lots and lots of food. I had a touch of heat exhaustion during the day so I was happy to call it an early night.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Rraine Drops 