It’s Day 9, my new halfway point.  I woke up sad today.  I have no idea what I was sad about.  I was more light headed too.  The weekend lodge guests are noisy.  They bang around and slam doors so I didn’t sleep as late as I would have liked.

My stomach was gurgley in the morning and I was hungry.  At least that didn’t last long.  A little water fixed that up.  My face is starting to get blotchy and it looks like eczema or a rash is coming up.  I’m starting to have trouble putting all the words in the right order to talk.  Some words are missing altogether.  Some words just are wrong and make no sense.  It’s difficult to type for the same reason.  In the evening I felt miserable like I had the flu.  This is common so I wasn’t worried, but it sure was unpleasant.

I got to go on a “field trip” today.  Brooke, George and Miriam are hear doing the Gerson therapy so they get to eat.  They have way more energy than me.  They decided to take quick 1 hour tours to go see some of Sedona.  The doctor said I could go if I didn’t do any hiking or 4 wheeling, neither of which sounded good to me anyway.  We went to see the Chapel of the Holy Cross.  I didn’t go up to the chapel because the walkway looked ridiculous to me, but it was a nice overlook so I sat and overlooked.  Then we went to Bell Rock, but the parking lot was completely full so we said “hey look at Bell Rock” and went back to the lodge.  That felt like enough touring for me so I didn’t go out with them later.

I contacted all the mothers (3) for Mother’s Day.  I sat in the sun.  I sat in the shade.  Sun. Shade.  Doing the reptile thing.  The gong healing guy didn’t come.  I walked the 20 miles (not really) to the yurt for this.  The Innkeeper came down and told us he could do a drum healing for us instead if we liked.  He used the bottom of a plastic bin that was in the yurt.  It was amazing.  We were all blissed out in minutes.  Later I skyped with Peggy – so wonderful to see a familiar loving face.  I really enjoyed it.  During the flu hours, I watched netflix.

The shocking thing of the day was when I got dressed and saw my body in the mirror.  My tight skinny jeans are just….jeans.  I see the body I had 20 years ago.  It looks and feels so familiar.  It feels normal, natural.  It feels like me.  This is the me in my head.  This is the body and the me I am still identified with.  This is the body I had when I was in my best athletic shape, when I moved to and fell in love with Colorado, when every weekend was full of camping, climbing, kayaking or skiing, when I met my husband, when I was excited about being a professional engineer with big career goals, when I felt beautiful, when I was invincible.  I realize I’m identified with my body and that’s not who I am.  I am not my body.  But I didn’t realize I was identified with a body I haven’t owned in 15 years.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore