Yesterday I decided I had to get at least one lesson plan done and set an unrealistic goal of three.  I had some free time during school and got 4 lesson plans 90% done.  I consider that a win!  Maybe this lesson planning thing is possible after all.  I decided Today would be a day off from lesson planning since I have only one hour of free time during the day.  Tomorrow I set the goal to finish at least two and get at least a start on the rest.  Maybe I could get ahead by this weekend……

Today I had all the M2s and the Thai teacher wasn’t there.  M2 is 13 to 14 year olds.  It was so difficult to keep their attention for more than two seconds.  By the time I was done with three different M2 classes, I was exhausted.  The last class was so bad that when they asked to play a game, I wrote on the board “Class was not good = no game”.  Some got it, the rest didn’t even notice I had written something on the board.  I was exhausted, but I left for lunch with nothing but indifference.  I have experienced this a lot over the years.  It sounds like a negative thing, but it’s not.  I actually enjoy it, if you can say enjoy and indifference in the same sentence.  A lot of times we think of indifference as flippant or as a lack of good feelings.  Actually, it’s a lack of judgement either way.  There is no good or bad.  I didn’t withhold a game because I was upset or frustrated with the kids.  It just seemed like the correct consequence for their actions.  I didn’t much care if we played a game or not, learned English or not, or just stood there doing nothing.  It doesn’t matter, anything is fine.

I went to the canteen for lunch yesterday and today.  It still feels very uncomfortable to me.  Yesterday was quite scary.  I have no idea why it’s scary.  Maybe because I’m not sure if what I decide to eat will try to kill me with spice or not.  Maybe because I know it will be awkward not being able to talk to most of the teachers.  Of course, today was less scary because I was already in the indifference place.

For club today Pat had a game where there were questions in English on pieces of paper and the students had to pick one out of a bag and answer the question.  Then they had to ask each other and answer each other.  The questions were things like “What is your favorite color” or “How old are you”?  I thought they would hate the game.  They didn’t.  Who knew?

When I tried to buy a printer when I first moved here, Pat told me I could print anything I needed at school.  It has turned out to be so difficult.  They don’t seem to understand that I have to print stuff every week for classes.  It is a huge hassle to print stuff.  So, I bought a printer last month anyway.  It’s already out of ink.  My big task of the day was to attempt to find printer cartridges after school.  There is a shop with office supplies so I thought I would start there.  I find this scary, but I can do this.  Tip knew I was going to look for printer ink and she found me on my way there.  She was riding in her little golf cart thing and flagged me down.  She suggested a different store.  They put ink in my non refillable cartridges.  They seem to be working fine even though the printer keeps saying it’s low on ink.

Ton is a guy in my class with the monk.  He is the assistant to the Chinese medicine doctor at the hospital and is friends with Tip.  Last week Tip made the point of telling me that Ton is single and if I needed anything I could ask him.  She also made the point of telling me that Ton is not a man.  I think it’s very common in Thailand and very accepted that some people identify with the sexuality different from what they were born with.  I find it very interesting how not a big deal it is here when it’s such a topic of controversy in America right now.  I don’t see why it’s a big deal.  Unfortunately, I’m not attracted to Ton, male or female.  Tip made the point of telling me again today that Ton is single.

I have had a few conversations lately  about the fact that I’m leaving at the end of the semester to go home.  I never said I was going home, but that’s the word on the street.  I am so touched as they are truly confused as to why I am leaving and sad to hear I’m going.  I’ve been texting with Noi all night about it.  She said she was shocked and sad to hear I was leaving and wanted to know if I was unhappy here.  I feel guilty and then remind myself that it’s not my job to make everyone happy.  I also remind myself that I never planned on staying here forever.  They are a communal culture and we are an independent culture.  Of course, it’s difficult to understand why I would want something else or how I could come in, get to know them and then leave.  They don’t live like that.  I feel loved and cared for.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore