My experience with making a plan is that 90% of the time nothing goes according to the plan.  Still, we make plans.  Today was no different.  The first beach I chose was supposed to have the blackest sand on this side of Bali according to the guide book.  I got there and it was a construction zone.  Machines were moving large boulders around.  The tide was in so there was no beach.  I could tell that if there had been a beach, it would have had very black sand.  So, back into the POS to find the next beach.  I got to see rice fields on the way to and from the beach so, check! – Picture of rice fields.  Now, one of the side roads I was going to take later to see rice fields didn’t need to happen. The next beach was supposed to have a ton of mica in the sand so it’s extra glittery.  I like glitter.  There was a parking lot and some Bali restaurants and not much else.  Since the tide was still in, the water came up to the wall.  I could tell from the parking lot, that, yes, this would be a glittery beach, but not right now.  I tried to order lunch, but all they had was fish.  How do you have fish, but not shrimp?  Then again, Google Translator could be lying.  It does that often.  I gave up and decided to eat lunch at the next beach.  The next beach was not part of the plan, but I was determined to get a beach.  No, not a beach.  It was a harbor for a very large ferry and more dive operations than I’ve ever seen in one location.  I did find a restaurant for lunch though.  So, that’s the end of the beach portion of the plan and we are 0 for 3.

At many points of the day I am sweating so hard that I think water is pouring out of my face.  I didn’t think a face could sweat that much.  I grew up in Florida, but I don’t remember heat and humidity like this.

I decided to head to the place I’m staying tonight.  The road goes more inland.  There is a water temple on the way which is the next part of the plan.  Google Maps decides to not work so we are going by signs and the map in the guide book.  It shouldn’t be an issue to get to Amed without google maps, but the water temple is probably a loss and hopefully the resort is easy to find when I get to Amed.

I’ve finally figured out what the white stripes on the road mean.  If you see a white stripe on the road, there is a driving lane to the left of the stripe, a driving lane to the right of the stripe and a driving lane straddling the stripe.  At some point the road narrowed and buildings lined both sides of the road so there was no way to pull over, stop and check the map.  The road wound up and down with huge curves.  Often, the buildings would go away on one side of the road revealing stunning views.  I couldn’t take pictures of any of it because there was no where to stop and I need both my hands to drive.  The signs did not lead me astray though.  I only missed one turn – the one to the water temple.

I saw an area with about 20 cars parked so I assumed that might be the temple.  I had to drive quite a distance before I found a place I could turn around.  I wasn’t going to miss everything on the plan though so I went back and it was the parking for the water temple!  Actually, it wasn’t a temple, but a water palace.  Taman Tirta Gangga was built in 1948 and has two swimming ponds, and a bunch of other ponds with fountains and koi in them.  My favorite had stepping stones at water level so it felt like you were walking on water.  They led different paths through the water like a labyrinth.  As I headed back to my car there was a guy with snakes you could pay to pose with for pictures.  He also had a bat and tiny owls.  OWLS.  My distaste of animal tourism out the window.  Hell yea, I’ll pay you to hold a tiny owl and get my picture taken.

After that I headed to Amed by way of sign instead of electronic map.  The road got smaller and smaller until it was slightly larger than one lane.  Yet from the signs advertising guesthouses and scuba diving, I knew I was on the right path.  I almost missed the sign that pointed to the place where I’m staying, but managed to hit the brakes and turn at the last second.  I parked near the entrance and a guy asked if I was Kim.

This is no five star resort, but I’m in love with it.  The dive shop is at the same place as the hotel so I was able to check in and I don’t have far to go tomorrow morning.  There are a row of rooms on either side of a courtyard.  Almost the entire courtyard is taken up by a pool.  There’s a restaurant and a short distance from the restaurant and the pool is a black sand beach. You can see huge mountains when you are in the ocean.  Each room has a covered deck looking out to the ocean and the decks all have bean bag chairs on them.  My room is large, very yellow and has a bed built into the middle of the room.  I can hear the ocean from my room.  I stayed here for dinner because I’ve had enough venturing out for today and because I love this place.  The food was great and I got to catch up on yesterday and today’s blogs.

I checked in with Mom.  My brother is there again.  They were getting ready to go to the funeral of my cousin’s son.  The funeral for my Mom’s husband is Saturday.  I wish I could be there.  I’ve been struggling with feeling like I should go back and feeling very strongly that it isn’t the right decision.  There’s a huge part of me that doesn’t want to go back to Sam Ngao and teach.  That part is telling me to move back to the US.  To stay in Sam Ngao would be the more difficult choice.  I don’t feel that it’s the right time to go back to the US.  I’m stuck again in the place of what “should” I do.  I’m thinking of the future instead of being here.  I’m feeling like I need to have a plan, make a decision, control the situation.  But, I know that this is all part of the learning.  The truth is that I don’t know the right answer, I don’t have to make a decision now and if I control the situation, it will not turn out happy for me.  So, as uncomfortable as it is for me, I wait.  I wait for life to unfold and happen the way it should.

I also had the thought on the dive boat yesterday that I would love to be on a boat and diving every day.  Then I had the thought that I don’t have the money to get my dive master certification and it would be a hard life financially.  I see that I took something wonderful that I was enjoying and in my head made it impossible to have that as my life.  Instead, my life will be teaching in Sam Ngao, moving to Wisconsin which I have no desire to do, or some unknown other thing that is also ok, but I don’t love it.  So, the belief that there’s not enough for me is still in operation at a very subtle level.  I can never really have what I want.  This has been one of my core issues.  I want to love my life.  I want to love my work and have it be enough financially.  I want to put an end to drama and the need for there to always be some hurdle to get over.  And it’s tied to doing and planning.  And it’s tied to what’s going on with Mom.  And it’s tied to the dissolving of the ego.  So for now, I have no plan and I don’t know what I’m going to do in a couple weeks when vacation is over.  I have no idea how I’m going to get that job I love or what that job is.  I’m just watching what comes up and noticing it.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore