Tag: rrainedrops

Do/Be

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Here’s an interesting experience.  I had heard people complaining about big brother always watching.  The new theory I heard was that even when we aren’t talking on the phone, if our cell phone is nearby, it is recording us so that big brother knows what we are talking about.  Then adds for things you talked about show up on facebook or other websites later.  My first thought is, who cares?  If someone wants to listen to everything I say, how are they going to use it against me?  They are just going to be rather bored, I think.  Then after a conversation about IKEA, it shows up as an add on facebook.  I’ve never searched for IKEA or furniture on line.  As a test my roommates and I picked an obscure subject and talked about it incessantly one evening – Craw fish boil.  Nothing ever showed up for any of us about Louisiana, craw fish, cooking or anything related.  I kind of hoped it would.

I’m back at my old job.  It’s nice because it’s familiar.  It’s overwhelming because it’s a lot of work and I’m having trouble switching into face paced work mode.

I’ve been meeting up with some friends which is nice.  I’ve been watching a bunch of movies.  I’m still having trouble sleeping.  I wake up somewhere in the middle of the night, not awake enough to get up and do something, but not asleep either.  Then I sleep too late in the morning.  I’m trying to just be patient and kind to myself.  I’m sure some of it is my body adjusting to the altitude, food and lifestyle changes.  I assume some of it is reverse culture shock as I just don’t feel at home.  I feel lost.  I don’t feel like I belong here.  I don’t feel welcome in my own city.  I feel like I should do something, but I don’t know what to do.  Then even if I know what to do, I don’t want to do anything.  I feel the need to do, but I don’t want to do.  My old life, and most people’s lives are centered around doing.  I want to be, but I still don’t know how to be.  “Knowing” how to be is actually “doing” being.  That doesn’t work.  So, some days I get up and do.  Others I get up and exist (be) without the need to do.  A lot of mornings I get up, decide that the do/be dilemma is too much to handle and I go back to bed.  The nice thing about all this is that I don’t judge myself and even though I wouldn’t call this Joy or Happiness, I don’t need it to be some “good” feeling.  There is nothing wrong with it just being slightly uncomfortable.  There is nothing wrong with it being anything other than a do/be battle that sometimes goes the way of do, sometimes be and sometimes sleep.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Totally unrelated photos:

20170119_155336_resized
My new hair color
20170122_122413_resized
Latest coloring book creation

Stuff

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, Uncategorized3 Comments

The first week back in Colorado was mostly spent moving stuff around.  Organize this pile of stuff and find a place for it.  Organize that pile of stuff and put it in storage.  Go through mail and make new piles of mail to organize later.  Find stuff in storage and bring it back to the house to organize.  Wash clothes, organize clothes.  Discover I need stuff to put stuff in.  Buy containers to put stuff in.  Discover that in all that stuff, there are no coats.  I own more jackets and coats than one human should own and I couldn’t find any coats in storage.  Target for the win – I bought a nice dressy coat for $40 and a puffy coat for $50.  I spent a week alternating between getting new stuff, wondering why I have so much stuff, not having enough stuff, wanting new stuff, and not wanting stuff.  I’m living in a friend’s house and they already have a house full of stuff so there isn’t enough room for my stuff.  Stuff stuff stuff stuff.

Finding stuff in my storage unit involves

  1. moving 5-15 boxes which are falling apart because the tape stopped working;
  2. the motion sensor lights go off when you are perched unsafely on top of a box on a book shelf in the middle of a bunch of boxes;
  3. finding almost what you wanted and a lot of stuff you didn’t
  4. being cold; and
  5. generally feeling defeated.

So, what have a learned about stuff?  I just spent a year living with very little stuff. The whole year I knew it was temporary.  I lived temporary for a year.  Now that I’m back in familiar territory I’m nesting.  Part of me wants to gather stuff, nest, not be temporary.  There’s comfort in stuff.  For most of us, part of our identity is wrapped up in our stuff.  We are attached to stuff.  It becomes part of who we are.  Get rid of the stuff and we are lost or who we think we are is lost.  We are unhappy without our stuff.  Part of me craves to hide behind stuff.  But there’s freedom in temporary and who I really am is not my stuff.  More stuff does not equal happiness.  Part of me wants to ditch all the stuff and be free from identifying with it.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

 

Celtic Renaissance Night

On By rrainefioreIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The people I’m staying with had friends over.  They made margaritas.  1 margarita + 1 late lunch + altitude = need to nap, can’t do anything useful.  It ruined my whole day of stuff management (see future blog coming soon about stuff).

After my nap I was in no mood to do anything.  Usually naps do not end up well for me.  I usually end up feeling worse than before the nap.  My friends were going out that night and I wanted to go with them, but that would involve pulling myself together and getting dressed in appropriate clothing.  It would also involve going out in the world of people which is sometimes not my favorite thing.  They were going to watch their friends perform (the ones who had been over to the house earlier).  They are two sisters that sing dirty songs and tell off color jokes at renaissance festivals.  They were opening for a series of Celtic rock and metal bands.  It would be a bar full of people dressed in either Celtic wear (not sure what that is) or Renaissance wear.  Curiosity won, I went out.

We didn’t dress up which was good.  That would have been more than I could handle.  There were a few people dressed “normal”.  There were a lot of men in kilts.  There were a lot of people who looked like peter pan.  There were so many corsets and feathered hats.  Most of the people were overweight.  Is there an overweight/renaissance fare connection I was unaware of?  The two sisters were great – they were so much fun to listen to and watch.  If you ever get to see Iris and Rose, I highly recommend them!  See link below.

Top 10 Online Slots of 2019

There were Celtic belly dancers.  I didn’t know the two things went together.  Next was Potcheen, a Celtic rock band.  The fiddle player was good, the guitar players should not sing.  The drummer made my evening.  He played for the belly dancers when their music didn’t work, he had tons of energy, he was the lead singer of his band and I thought he was a decent drummer too.  I’m posting a short video for your listening pleasure.

https://www.potcheen.band/

Some more belly dancing, of course.  The next band up was supposed to be Celtic Metal.  How is that even a thing?  They set up a bunch of large drums.  I was ready to go until I saw all the drums, the hippy guy with really long hair, the non hippy guy with a didgeridoo, and the bagpipes.  What on earth will this sound like?  Ah, there’s a video for that too.

Home

So, that was “Kilt night out halfway to Renaissance Fair” night.  I think I’m back in America.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

 

 

Home

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, Travel, Uncategorized2 Comments

January 4th was a long day.  I keep trying to calculate the number of hours in the day because it fascinates me.  I think it was a 44 hour day.  I left Auckland at 3:00pm and arrived in Denver at 12:30pm.  I went back in time.  So cool.  We humans just made up time.

I remember sitting in the airport texting my friend who was going to pick me up in Denver.  I told him I might cry a lot.  I started crying just from typing the word “cry”.  I’m crying again, now because I typed the word again.  I can’t even tell you why I’m crying.  I’m not sad or happy.  I don’t feel any of the “normal” emotions.  I think it’s just a nervous system reaction to massive change.  It is also a physical recognition of the enormity of what I have done and am doing.

I tried to sleep on the plane, but I was so physically uncomfortable that I maybe slept an hour at best.  I watched 4 movies.  On the flight from San Fran to Denver I was able to rest a little as I had all three seats to myself, but I was aware of where I was and how uncomfortable I was the whole time, so I wouldn’t call it sleep.

Jay picked me up at the airport and brought me Deana’s snow boots and a winter jacket.  I cried less than I thought I would.  It’s so cold.  It was dark, gloomy and -10 degrees.  I miss the snow and cold, but my body isn’t ready for this.  After we got to their house and had some food, I set out to get my phone fixed and make my car legal to drive.  The scariest part was driving on snowy roads and remembering to stay on the right side of the road.  I only messed up once and it was in an empty parking lot entrance so no one noticed.  Over $500 to renew the car tags, including a late fee.  Ouch.  The phone is done.  I have insurance on it which means I get a used phone for free.  (It only took a day to get the “new” phone and it looked like it had never been used).  I did laundry and tried to separate things I would need from things that need to go in storage.  By the time I went to bed, I figured I had been up for 33 hours.

I slept for 9 hours when the alarm went off.  I felt like I should get up and do things.  Then I decided that I should not get up and do things.  I slept for 2 more hours.  Doing things proves to be difficult.  I spent a lot of time standing in the middle of all my stuff, feeling lost.   I got my “new” phone and went to lunch.  I was going to grocery shop, but that seemed an insurmountable mountain.  Plus it’s so cold outside.  I napped.  I did manage to separate most of the stuff for storage.  I feel lost.  I feel like I should do things, but I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to do anything.  I have a headache that won’t go away – altitude?

I took my car to the mechanic’s to fix anything wrong with it.  The person who leased it did not take care of it.  We are up to $1,000 worth of fixing so far – new tires, new keys, fix hatch back, oil change, fix alignment, etc.  Hopefully there isn’t anything else wrong with it.  Next week I’ll get the interior detailed because it’s just yucky.

I got a lot of “welcome home” messages on Facebook.  I don’t feel like I’m home.  Everything feels familiar, but not home.  It’s not a negative thing.  It’s not like home is good and not home is bad.  Same thing with “lost”.  Lost is not a bad feeling, but a detached feeling.  I didn’t expect that it would feel like home.  I feel like I’m waiting, waiting to know what is next, waiting for reverse culture shock to work it’s way through, waiting to adjust to the time/temp/altitude changes, waiting for all the to-do’s to be done, and waiting to not be lost.  I know home is not actually a place, but is me.  Me is in a major change pattern right now.  I imagine with some time and further integration of all that’s happened lately that I will feel home.  So, I wait, standing in the middle of a ridiculous amount of useless stuff wondering what to do next and wondering why I have so much stuff.

A few people have asked if I will continue my blog.  I think I will.  I think there will still be amazing and silly things to write about.  There are quite a few blog posts I started in the past that I hope to finish.  Some things are difficult to put into words and I hope to find the words.  I think that the integration of this past year will also be worth writing about.  After that, I might change the tone into more of a weekly meditation/investigation tool for those of you reading so you can participate more actively through your growth and learning, instead of just a ride along with my journey.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

20170105_081117
Brrrrrrr
20170105_085803
1:00pm so dark
20170104_192044
Starting the unpacking / repacking
20170104_180545
Break for Margaritas

One Final Tour

On By rrainefioreIn New Zealand, Travel, Uncategorized1 Comment

 

There is this bug that glows in the dark and lives in caves.  They call them glow worms, but they aren’t worms.  I booked an all day tour to go see the glow worms.  It was a big bus tour and that just made the whole day slightly disappointing, but I still got to see glow worms and sheep!  It was a 13-hour tour and there wasn’t one interesting person on the bus except the bus driver, Rachael.  I’ve attached a video.  Getting on the bus was a bit stressful.  I arrived at the bus station where there were a bunch of tour buses and people, but none of the buses had the name of the tour company I thought I booked with.  Later I found out they are all the same company with different names.  The lady in the office said I needed to check in with the lady by the buses.  There was a sea of confused tourists and somewhere in the middle of that sea was a lady with a shopping cart of fruit and a list of names.  She gave me some fruit, gave me a sticker and told me which bus to get on.  Ah, the sticker people tracking system.  So simple and yet quite effective.  I’m a green sticker for the day.

It was a 3-hour drive to the cave.  Rachael told us all sorts of information about New Zealand along the way.  I was actually a little bummed that I couldn’t stay awake for all of it.  I think she talked the whole 3 hours.  The cave tour involved a lot of information on how they found the cave, a little information on the glow worms and a quick, but beautiful boat ride through the cave.  No one is allowed to take photos so the one I posted is from the internet.  All the Japanese (half the bus) were late so we got to the farm late.  I assume their translator did a bad job of telling them when to be back.

The Agrodome farm was fun though.  First they showed us how to sheer a sheep.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.  Then they showed us how a dog herds sheep.  I don’t think I liked this part. It’s one thing to herd sheep because you need to, but another thing to stress them into running around a course because 53 tourists want to watch.  I did kinda like the part where one of the sheep tried to be all tough and face off with the dog and stamp its foot in protest.  “Fuck you, we did this yesterday and I don’t like you”.  Then we went on a trailer pulled by a tractor around the farm.  We saw at least 7 different types of cows, pigs, turkeys, pukekos, goats, deer, sheep, and alpacas.  Then we got to feed the sheep.  The tractor stopped and sheep came from everywhere.  It was a fantastic mess of sheep and squealing Japanese.  I could have watched that for hours.  I got to pet and feed sheep.  I was a happy 6-year-old!

The last stop was the Te Puia.  We were here in the 18-day tour, but I chose not to go.  It’s a thermal park / cultural center.  First off was a Maori concert.  It was similar to the dinner we had gone to on the tour, but just the singing and dancing part.  Then we had a tour of the thermal park.  I had my fill of people touching me and crowding me so I skipped out of the tour and walked around on my own.  There is a geyser there.  It didn’t go off while I was there.  I wish I had had more time to walk through the park.  A long ride back to Auckland and Rachael decided to not talk so people could sleep.  I was ready to stay awake and take in all the knowledge Rachael had to share.  Darn, I did that wrong.

Today, I’m going to take it easy, get some work done.  Tomorrow I get on a plane to go back to the US.  It doesn’t seem real.

Interesting facts:

Glow worms are not worms, but the larvae of a type of fly.

Glow worms glow so that insects will think that is the way out of the tunnel and then get caught in their feeding lines.

The first glow worms to hatch eat the others.

A sheep shearer makes $2 per sheep

2 dogs can handle 800-1000 sheep.

The sheep get sheared every 6 months.

Lanolin is sheep oil – their wool is oily – maybe not news to you, but it was to me.

There are Angora Goats – again, maybe you knew this, but I always thought it was a type of rabbit.  There are angora rabbits too.  Learning new things.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

waitomo-glowworm-caves-120170102_133809

20170102_134115

20170102_13592920170102_14060220170102_14075220170102_14090720170102_141321

20170102_14140420170102_14142720170102_141534

20170102_14241320170102_14245320170102_153438

20170102_162140

End of Tour

On By rrainefioreIn New Zealand, Travel, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Our last full day on the tour we went to an old Chinese settlement.  It was from the gold rush days. Apparently the Chinese were allowed to come over and mine, but only mine claims that had already been mined.  They weren’t allowed to live in the English settlements so they created their own settlement.   After that we went to ride bikes on the Otago Central Rail Trail.  It was a nice, easy, pretty ride on the trail of an old railroad.  The tracks are gone.  We only did a 2 hour section.  The overall trail is longer.  We stayed in a tiny town with an old hotel.  Most of the group was very unhappy with this.  They made us sit outside for dinner since the bar was crowded with other guests and townspeople.  Some of the people were talked to or treated like they were teenagers or second class citizens.  I didn’t experience this, but that’s what they were talking about.  The dinner wasn’t very good.  Most of the group was upset that our last dinner together and was so disappointing.

 

Our last day we went back to Christchurch. On the way we stopped to see Moeraki Boulders, large round rocks on the beach.  They were pretty cool.  I can’t quite explain them so if you want more info, see this:  http://www.moerakiboulders.com/

A lot of people on the bus were sick, theory that it was the horrible dinner from the night before.  I was glad I had chosen the vegetarian option.  We got to the ghost town, I mean Christchurch early evening.  Since the tour was over for me, I stayed at an airbnb.  It was luxury to have my own room with a double bed!  I got a bus back downtown and went out to dinner with a couple of the people from the tour.  We walked around the deserted ghost town of Christchurch.  At one point we heard music coming from a small alley.  We walked into the alley and it opened up into a courtyard with 4 or 5 restaurants and some live music.  Since we had already eaten, we walked through the alley coming out the other side into the ghost town again.  I wonder if all the people of Christchurch are hanging out in tiny hidden alleys all over the city.

I left way too early in the morning for my flight back to Auckland.  I just wanted to stay in that comfortable bed for another few hours.  Joel picked me up from the airport.  We found a place to picnic for dinner, wandered around town, shopped for food and checked me into the new airbnb.  Another night with a double bed in a room of my own – Aaaahhhhhh.  For New Year’s Eve we had a picnic with a couple people from the tour, watched a comedy show and then watched fireworks at midnight.  It was a very pleasant New Years Eve.

Today was a chill day of working and doing laundry.  Went to dinner and wandered around Devonport and Silo Park in Auckland.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

20161229_09232220161229_09251820161229_09540820161229_134018

20161229_14012620161229_14325920161229_14335720161229_14341320161229_14371820161229_14394020161229_14395720161229_144124

20161229_14560520161229_205856

20161229_210819
Bowls?

20161230_09491820161230_10061920161230_10071220161230_10120220161230_10180420161230_19520720161230_19541620161230_19591320161230_20064120161230_20135620161230_20154320161230_20223520161230_205518

20161230_205535
We have to say goodbye, sad faces
20161230_221046
A real bed
20170101_163743
Airbnb bulldog with bottle

20170101_19064820170101_20472220170101_204810

Queenstown Birthday

On By rrainefioreIn New Zealand, Travel, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Morning on the boat was beautiful.  The clouds came in low covering the tops of the mountains, but it was quite peaceful.  The water was like glass.  At breakfast, they announced the sighting of penguins.  I LOVE penguins.  I looked and saw them, but all I saw was a black thing in the water way off in the distance.  You couldn’t tell that it was an animal, much less that it was a penguin with a yellow tuft of feathers over its eye.

Then off to Queenstown.  Queenstown is known as the Adventure capital of New Zealand.  They are famous for skydiving and bungee jumping.  We have three nights in Queenstown.  How great to stay in one place for three nights!  First they took us to Peter Pans Tours to book any activities we wanted to do.  This was the most disorganized tour company.  The lady helping us would ask a question and then completely ignore the answer.  They were obviously only interested in getting our money and getting us out of there as quickly as possible.  Six of us signed up for Canyoning and they couldn’t even tell us which company we were booked with, what day, or what time.  We would get an email later that would tell us.  Later that night, we still didn’t have the email and the shop was closed.  Our tour guide got a hold of the guy from the shop and he agreed to meet us at a local bar and bring us the information.  He was, of course, an hour late.  But we finally got the information.  We spent way too much time in a backpacker bar.  I am so not a backpacker.  We finally went to a bar with live music which I enjoyed much more, but a few in our group couldn’t wait to go back to the backpacker bar so they could have cheaper beer and Jagger bombs.  I stayed up long enough for midnight to celebrate the beginning of my birthday and then off to bed.

The canyoning tour was fun.  We put on thick wetsuits and harnesses and walked through a tight canyon.  We rappelled or slid down waterfalls along the way.  It was only for an hour or two, but just the perfect amount of time.  Four of us went out for a nice Italian dinner and drinks at a rum bar – no Jagger bombs in sight.  Then to another place with live music.  It was a wonderful adult evening.

The last day in Queenstown, I spent wandering around the town.  A few of us went to do the Luge which is similar to an Alpine Slide, but instead of a concrete luge track that only one cart can go down, it’s more like a go cart track.  We went to Ferg Burger which is supposed to be the best burger place in the world.  I don’t know how you get that reputation.  There was always a line out the door and down the block.  The line was shorter when we went and it didn’t take too long to get our burgers.  It was a normal burger with a huge bun and a lot of goop on it.  It was good, but I don’t get all the hype.  However, I don’t get all the hype about burgers anyway.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Christmas

On By rrainefioreIn New Zealand, Travel, Uncategorized1 Comment

Out for dessert, I asked the group if anyone knew what Pavlova was.  The French girl told me it was a Russian dessert, a pastry that wouldn’t be made well here.  Then again, no dessert is made well except in France.  A couple days later I tried Pavlova and it’s not Russian.  It’s from either Australia or New Zealand. It’s like a pie made of meringue and berries.  And it’s fabulous!

After we left Franz Joseph, we did a small hike around Matheson Lake with views of Fox Glacier and Mount Cook.  Mount Cook is New Zealand’s highest mountain.  I didn’t see the glacier and I have no idea which mountain was Mount Cook.  But it was beautiful.  We also stopped at a lot of cool places for photo opportunities.  One was Bruce Bay which is a very isolated beach.  We went over Haast Pass which is one of New Zealand’s newest roads.  So most of the wilderness in that area is untouched by humans.  I bought new earrings and then lost one on a small hike to a waterfall.  Wow – that was expensive.  We also went to Blue Pools which was a pretty area where a very blue river runs into another river.  When we got to our accommodation, we went jet boating on the Makaroa River.  That was a lot of fun.  Later that evening I lost $10 that fell out of my pocket and no one seemed to ask if anyone lost $10.  Then later I discovered that I lost my new wool/possum hat.  Merry Christmas Eve – Instead of getting gifts, I’m losing things.

Christmas day started off early with a 6:30am leaving time.  We drove to a big lake with a few photo stops on the way.  At the lake we got on a boat and headed across the lake.  Then on the other side of the lake we got on busses.  The busses took us through more untouched wilderness.  The road had been built for the construction of a hydroelectric plant. Otherwise, Doubtful Sound would be even more difficult to get to.  The busses took us to our overnight boat.  Doubtful Sound is part of the Fiordlands.  It is far far less visited than Milford Sound.  We never saw another boat the whole time we were there.  This is another area where there are no introduced species of plants and no animals.  We cruised through the fiord to the Sea to look at Fur Seals.  We took tours in smaller boats or kayaks.  There was swim time too which for me was jump off the boat and promptly swim back to the boat.  The water was so cold.  The dinner was the best we’ve had so far on this trip.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Mitigating Drama

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, UncategorizedLeave a comment

There are 3 people from Singapore on our trip.  The husband barely talks to anyone and is so completely controlled by his wife.  The wife has a judgmental opinion about everything.  The 16 year old daughter is quiet too.  I watch the mother make everything into a drama.  Then she can mitigate the drama and be the family hero and control the family.  Then she creates a drama, mitigates it, controls.  It’s fascinating to watch.  So, then I ask myself, where do I create dramas so that I may “be in control”?  I think, more often I create dramas to keep the  “poor me” going.  Thanks mirror.  What other ways am I resisting True Nature?  What am I resisting?  How and why are you creating drama?

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore