Yesterday, I took a day to rest. I stayed in Calgary, got a facial and a manicure. In the afternoon I walked to Prince’s Island Park, a great park on an island in the middle of the Bow River. I only enjoyed the park for about an hour. Everywhere I went I was followed by bees. I wonder if they liked the lotion used in the facial as they kept buzzing around my neck. They followed me as I walked along the River Walk to the park, at the park and as I walked back along the River Walk. One even stung me on the hand. He was not a Jolliebee and I wasn’t too jolly after either. The sting wasn’t too much of a problem, more annoying than anything.
It was warm and humid and I saw some people eating ice cream in the park. I asked them where they got it and they said they brought it from home. Huh? Who brings ice cream to the park from home? That did not help me locate ice cream. I did find a place in Chinatown that served Thai rolled ice cream. I never saw rolled ice cream when I lived in Thailand. It was delicious as I could get one of my favorite flavors – Taro!
The walk back from the park was very different than my walk the other evening. Most of the restaurants on the walking street were closed and empty. A night before everything had been so lively. There were still people walking around, but it felt a bit deserted in comparison.
Day 2 of driving to Alaska was almost the same as Day 1. Very little trees, mostly wide open spaces. There were mountains from time to time, way off in the distance – so far off that they were just shadows, suggestions. There were more small towns and farms than the first day which helped break up the vast grasslands. There were more cars on the road which actually was not a plus. I hate passing on 2 lane highways, but had to often.
Both days I saw an alarming number of dead dear on the side of the highway. I know deer or elk crossing the road at dusk or night is a concern where I live. Still, I’m not use to seeing this many. There must be so much wildlife roaming these plains. Today, many porcupines were added to the death toll. I’ve never seen a live porcupine and after today I’ve seen way too many not alive.
Of the live animals, there were many many cows. Still quite a few baby cows – I like seeing those the best. I also saw a sheep farm. It went by too fast for me to get a picture of. But I rolled down the window and Baaa’d at them. I saw antelope – one actually on the pavement. So glad he didn’t try to cross in front of me. I saw a bald eagle on top of an electrical pole. I saw many other suicide birds. I didn’t hit any, but they tempted fate hopping across the road or flying low in front of me. There were also prairie dogs. I saw at least 10 of them sitting upright with their little arms up in front of their chest just watching me drive by. They didn’t move – almost looked like statues.
I got to the Canadian border in the afternoon. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ve driven through once before and only remember that it wasn’t much. I should have stopped at the rest stop I saw just before the border. I hoped it wouldn’t take long and that there would be another rest stop on the other side. I only had to wait for one car in front of me. The immigration officer was nice, asked the usual questions plus the “are you bringing _____ in” questions, looked at my passport and sent me on my way. I stopped for the obligatory photo of the “Welcome to Alberta” sign. I wish I had taken a picture of the Wyoming and Montana signs also when I passed them, just for completeness. Oh well, not going back for those.
Shortly after the Alberta sign, I saw a dinosaur. Well, if there is a dinosaur, I’m sure there is a restroom in the building next to it. That was one animal I was not expecting to see on the journey. There was a restroom and just in time! There was also a small museum and a tourist information center. I walked through the museum quickly and saw a bunch of taxidermy animals. The list of dead animals is now way longer than the list of live ones for the day. I have no idea what my animal count is now up to for the day.
I finally get to Calgary. I use to own a truck for many years. I am quickly reminded how much fun it is to drive and park a truck in a city. I will be in Calgary for 3 nights. Since I managed to wedge the truck in a parking space in the garage, I think I will leave it there until I leave Calgary.
After checking in to the hotel, I wandered around Calgary for a bit. I was surprised how warm it is. Isn’t is supposed to get colder the farther north you go? I found the river walk, a nice bike/walking path along the river. There were people just floating down the river in pool rafts, paddle boards and kayaks. There were people everywhere enjoying bikes, scooters or just walking. I went by Olympic Park where there was a Pilipino festival going on. I saw multi colored ground hogs here. I also saw Jolliebee. I’ve never heard of Jolliebee before and had no idea Jolliebee was such a celebrity, but when he was announced, the crowd went wild. He danced to some hip hop music and the crowd lost it. I didn’t get any pictures of Jolliebee because my jaw was on the ground as I stared in amazement.
After leaving the festival, I heard live music somewhere else so I followed it. It was a busker right near my hotel. I found myself on a walking street (no vehicles). I walked several blocks looking at all the restaurants and bars with street side seating. They were all packed with people. The city was alive with energy and people out and about. I always love the energy of a city. The energy of all the people, the excitement, the love, the joy and even the sadness grows and becomes more than the sum of the parts, becomes something different, something all it’s own.
After a bit I decided I had walked more than enough. It’s been only a little over 3 weeks since I had ankle surgery so maybe I should have walked a little less, but it was difficult not to keep going around the next corner to see the thing over there. I found a steak restaurant (duh) for dinner and then went back to my room to ice my ankle.
I haven’t written in a long time! But, this might be interesting to write about.
My friend moved to Alaska. A couple of weeks before she had to leave, the company that they were going to ship their truck through canceled on them. She posted on Facebook, “Does anyone want to drive our truck to Alaska”? Um…. yea…. I do. Several of my friends had the same thought, but I guess I had the thought sooner. As luck would have it, I happened to retire from my engineering career yesterday so I have some time on my hands. I leave tomorrow on a sure to be delightful road trip, just me, the mountains and the road. I have some fun excursions planned for the trip. This seems like a wonderful way to celebrate the end of a career and the beginning of a new life unknown. Goodbye to the old me and hello to whatever is to come, whatever is already here that I haven’t discovered yet.
This winter we got about 120 inches (10 feet) of snow at our house. It snowed a lot in December followed by the cold months of January and February so the snow never had a chance to melt. It just compacted and settled in for the winter. It covered everything in the yard with a white glittery blanket – pure simple beauty.
Then, typical in April, it starts to melt. In a period of a few days, the edges of the yard begin to appear, while the center of the yard remains a pile of bulletproof white stuff. Then it gets covered in fresh snow, then it melts, fresh snow again, more melt. Soon all the snow is ringed in mud. Mud everywhere – so much mud that you can’t even see your car from all the mud on it. During the day, huge icicles form off the roof and all the pavement becomes wet from the melt. At night the icicles freeze into place and the pavement becomes a skating rink. Then the icicles melt again, then freeze again creating lumpy icicles.
At first glance, this seems like a dirty, sad part of the year. But there is a lot of beauty in the melt. Sitting outside you hear everything dripping, soft patter of moving water. There are more birds arriving every day chirping and fluttering as they look for food and start making nests. The sun is bright, the sky is blue. The air feels warm in comparison to the past few months. I enjoy knocking off all the icicles I can reach trying to avoid injury from impalement. I love to hear them crash, shatter and skitter on the ground. If they happen to hit snow instead of ground, they make a dull thud sound instead as they embed themselves in the snow. Everything is shiny even the air. Everything is moving and making soft sounds. The patio furniture re-appeared from under the mountains of snow. The aspen are budding. The column of ice hanging from the gutter is starting to reveal the rain chain it formed around.
If you look past the mud, you will see the beauty in the details of the melt.
Mid-January, I went to Wisconsin to visit my Mom. The thing on the plane that just was so obvious to me is how loud everyone is. Why do people have to talk so loud? I’m on a plane where the engine noise is already loud, but I can still hear individual conversations. The person you are talking to is right next to you, why do you have to include me in your conversation? They weren’t even interesting conversations. It was a whole plane of “look how cool I am”. Exhausting. The rest of the world is right, Americans are loud and talk too much.
It was good to see Mom. Her new place is nice and the people that work there are nice. She was playing Bingo when I got there. They have three meals a day and activities. She has a small kitchen in her apartment so she could still cook if she wanted to. I’m very glad she was able to move out of her condo into assisted living.
I helped Mom with some shopping. I took her to Target with me. I wondered if it would be too much. It was. It is a big store and even though we only walked part of it, it was too much. But she wanted to go to three different stores so I think that would have been worse. We went out to lunch a couple times and also went to church. It was great to spend time with her and see her new place.
At church, the preacher was starting a new program with the congregation. It had steps and things to do. It sounded like a program that would go on for a month or two and involved extra study or practice outside of Sunday church. I remember feeling a sense of hope come over the congregation as he talked about the upcoming program and how it was going help make everyone’s year great. I remember doing workshops, study groups, and programs like this at church when I was in high school. I remember the sense of hope at the beginning – This is going to change my life – This is the answer to everything – This is going to fix everything – This is going to get me on the right path. In some of the programs I grew and gained new knowledge. I can’t say any of them changed my life. Some sent me on a new path. I never found the answer to everything. I can’t say any of them were ever bad, but I noticed something as I sat there in this old familiar feeling (I really like this familiar feeling). The level of hope at the beginning is so strong and is a feeling far stronger than the outcome ever was. I realized that it wasn’t just hope, but a feeling of control. Oh great, this person has all the answers and if I just do all the steps in this program, follow all the learning, I too will have all the answers. Then I will finally have control of my life, my emotions, my finances, my spirituality, my love live, etc. In the past, as the programs went on, I learned, but I never became in control of anything. I never got the carrot I was chasing. As it turns out, I cannot control life. This is also a good example of living in the future. I felt so wonderful at the beginning of one of these programs because of the promise of a better future. Hope and planning and learning can be tricky. Hope feels so wonderful and is a huge motivator so we label it as a good thing, but then don’t acknowledge that we are rejecting the present moment and living in the future. We assume that if we don’t have hope then we must have the opposite, despair, a bad attitude, disbelief or pessimism. What if life doesn’t have to be an either / or situation. What if we can be present and plan when the time is right for planning, learn when the learning comes, and know that the future will be great just because it will and not because we are using hope to avoid being present now.
Two things I really missed about Colorado – Snow and being physically fit. So, I was quite excited to go snowboarding. I’m not sure mother nature is as excited about me going snowboarding.
My first attempt involved me driving up into the mountains in a white out blizzard. I got to the tunnel and it was closed. This is not abnormal. They often shut it to let hazardous materials trucks through when the road around it closed. Sometimes they close it when the roads are bad to clear the road or clear accidents. So, I waited patiently. I always have a book with me for situations like this. Two hours later, the tunnel was still closed. I turned around and went back down through the blizzard to go home. Later I found out the ski resort I was going to was closed at 1:00 because of avalanche danger on the roads. Welcome back to Colorado!
Then the next time I went snowboarding, I got up late because I was going by myself. I got to the resort and there was a line of cars for the parking lot. A parking guy came up and told me the lot was full and only cars with 3 or more people could wait for the lot. So, people without friends are no longer allowed to ski. I found a spot along the road quite a distance from the resort and managed to catch a ride in the back of a truck up to the resort. I was determined to get that board on the snow. Wow! There is no oxygen up there. I have also gained weight and every time I bend over to buckle my bindings, my stomach gets in the way. Then I’m bent over trying to get these things buckled which is actually more work than I remember. My belly is pushing on my lungs so I can’t get a full breath. Add that there is a severe oxygen deficiency and I was exhausted before even getting on the lift. I managed to do three runs before my legs started complaining. At that point I decided that I could say I went snowboarding, but I couldn’t say I was enjoying it. It took me a half hour to walk back to my car. As far as snowboarding went, it was a disappointing day. As far as getting a good workout in, it was a fabulous day.
Now, I’ve decided that snowboarding needs to happen during the week because the weekends are too crowded for single people. The next time I went I made the goal of doing at least 4 runs. I got there and it was -3 degrees and dropping. I met a friend which was nice. I did manage to do 4 runs, but was so cold by the end of the 4th run that I couldn’t stand it anymore. And of course, it’s still painful, work with no oxygen.
The next time, I got up there late, but managed to get 4.5 runs in so I count that an improvement. I would have done more, but the resort closed. This time I took advil before which helped a little with the screaming legs. I hope there’s a steep recovery somewhere in the near future.
Interesting question on the extra weight I’m carrying. Some of it has to do with being weak and out of shape. Some of it has to do with Valentines Day candy that mysteriously jumped into my shopping cart. But, all of last year I was out of shape and didn’t have the extra weight and I ate sugar as if it was one of the major food groups. I’m back in the US for less than a month and I put on so much weight that my skin hurts. I am wondering if all the conspiracy theory drama about the horrible toxins in our food is actually part of this. Is my body freaking out from the change in food?
Here’s an interesting experience. I had heard people complaining about big brother always watching. The new theory I heard was that even when we aren’t talking on the phone, if our cell phone is nearby, it is recording us so that big brother knows what we are talking about. Then adds for things you talked about show up on facebook or other websites later. My first thought is, who cares? If someone wants to listen to everything I say, how are they going to use it against me? They are just going to be rather bored, I think. Then after a conversation about IKEA, it shows up as an add on facebook. I’ve never searched for IKEA or furniture on line. As a test my roommates and I picked an obscure subject and talked about it incessantly one evening – Craw fish boil. Nothing ever showed up for any of us about Louisiana, craw fish, cooking or anything related. I kind of hoped it would.
I’m back at my old job. It’s nice because it’s familiar. It’s overwhelming because it’s a lot of work and I’m having trouble switching into face paced work mode.
I’ve been meeting up with some friends which is nice. I’ve been watching a bunch of movies. I’m still having trouble sleeping. I wake up somewhere in the middle of the night, not awake enough to get up and do something, but not asleep either. Then I sleep too late in the morning. I’m trying to just be patient and kind to myself. I’m sure some of it is my body adjusting to the altitude, food and lifestyle changes. I assume some of it is reverse culture shock as I just don’t feel at home. I feel lost. I don’t feel like I belong here. I don’t feel welcome in my own city. I feel like I should do something, but I don’t know what to do. Then even if I know what to do, I don’t want to do anything. I feel the need to do, but I don’t want to do. My old life, and most people’s lives are centered around doing. I want to be, but I still don’t know how to be. “Knowing” how to be is actually “doing” being. That doesn’t work. So, some days I get up and do. Others I get up and exist (be) without the need to do. A lot of mornings I get up, decide that the do/be dilemma is too much to handle and I go back to bed. The nice thing about all this is that I don’t judge myself and even though I wouldn’t call this Joy or Happiness, I don’t need it to be some “good” feeling. There is nothing wrong with it just being slightly uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with it being anything other than a do/be battle that sometimes goes the way of do, sometimes be and sometimes sleep.
The first week back in Colorado was mostly spent moving stuff around. Organize this pile of stuff and find a place for it. Organize that pile of stuff and put it in storage. Go through mail and make new piles of mail to organize later. Find stuff in storage and bring it back to the house to organize. Wash clothes, organize clothes. Discover I need stuff to put stuff in. Buy containers to put stuff in. Discover that in all that stuff, there are no coats. I own more jackets and coats than one human should own and I couldn’t find any coats in storage. Target for the win – I bought a nice dressy coat for $40 and a puffy coat for $50. I spent a week alternating between getting new stuff, wondering why I have so much stuff, not having enough stuff, wanting new stuff, and not wanting stuff. I’m living in a friend’s house and they already have a house full of stuff so there isn’t enough room for my stuff. Stuff stuff stuff stuff.
Finding stuff in my storage unit involves
moving 5-15 boxes which are falling apart because the tape stopped working;
the motion sensor lights go off when you are perched unsafely on top of a box on a book shelf in the middle of a bunch of boxes;
finding almost what you wanted and a lot of stuff you didn’t
being cold; and
generally feeling defeated.
So, what have a learned about stuff? I just spent a year living with very little stuff. The whole year I knew it was temporary. I lived temporary for a year. Now that I’m back in familiar territory I’m nesting. Part of me wants to gather stuff, nest, not be temporary. There’s comfort in stuff. For most of us, part of our identity is wrapped up in our stuff. We are attached to stuff. It becomes part of who we are. Get rid of the stuff and we are lost or who we think we are is lost. We are unhappy without our stuff. Part of me craves to hide behind stuff. But there’s freedom in temporary and who I really am is not my stuff. More stuff does not equal happiness. Part of me wants to ditch all the stuff and be free from identifying with it.
The people I’m staying with had friends over. They made margaritas. 1 margarita + 1 late lunch + altitude = need to nap, can’t do anything useful. It ruined my whole day of stuff management (see future blog coming soon about stuff).
After my nap I was in no mood to do anything. Usually naps do not end up well for me. I usually end up feeling worse than before the nap. My friends were going out that night and I wanted to go with them, but that would involve pulling myself together and getting dressed in appropriate clothing. It would also involve going out in the world of people which is sometimes not my favorite thing. They were going to watch their friends perform (the ones who had been over to the house earlier). They are two sisters that sing dirty songs and tell off color jokes at renaissance festivals. They were opening for a series of Celtic rock and metal bands. It would be a bar full of people dressed in either Celtic wear (not sure what that is) or Renaissance wear. Curiosity won, I went out.
We didn’t dress up which was good. That would have been more than I could handle. There were a few people dressed “normal”. There were a lot of men in kilts. There were a lot of people who looked like peter pan. There were so many corsets and feathered hats. Most of the people were overweight. Is there an overweight/renaissance fare connection I was unaware of? The two sisters were great – they were so much fun to listen to and watch. If you ever get to see Iris and Rose, I highly recommend them! See link below.
There were Celtic belly dancers. I didn’t know the two things went together. Next was Potcheen, a Celtic rock band. The fiddle player was good, the guitar players should not sing. The drummer made my evening. He played for the belly dancers when their music didn’t work, he had tons of energy, he was the lead singer of his band and I thought he was a decent drummer too. I’m posting a short video for your listening pleasure.
Some more belly dancing, of course. The next band up was supposed to be Celtic Metal. How is that even a thing? They set up a bunch of large drums. I was ready to go until I saw all the drums, the hippy guy with really long hair, the non hippy guy with a didgeridoo, and the bagpipes. What on earth will this sound like? Ah, there’s a video for that too.
Rraine Drops 