After breakfast and some pool time, my friend arrived at the hotel.  We changed rooms in the hotel.  We went to Seminyak beach which is a busier beach than the one the hotel is near.  It still wasn’t the crowded mess I had heard of.  The streets in Seminyak were crowded with traffic and lined with stores, but it had a nice feel to it, I thought.  We went in search of a place that would do henna tattoos, but failed on that hunt.  Better hunting tomorrow.  They do the bean bag beach bars here too, but there’s a lot more of them.  I got some pictures of them after they had set up for the sunset crowd.  I didn’t get any pictures of them at sunset, but it was nice to just sit in bean bags and watch the waves come in.  We also bought a couple of movies to take back to the hotel.  I was surprised that Allegiant was already out.  But when we went to buy it, they said it might not be good quality.  Aha, it’s an illegal copy.  We got it anyway.  It was ok quality.

I’m feeling a combination of opposites.  I’m tired of people.  I’m tired of being alone.  I don’t want to go back to work, but I’m missing the lack of routine.  I’m tired of doing.  I’m tired of sitting still.   I feel out of place.  I don’t like heat.  I don’t like heat – oh wait, no opposite there.  I feel like I should decide what I’m going to do with my life after teaching.  But why do I have to decide that now?  How is making a decision now living in the flow of life?  I’m trying to live now and the future keeps hopping into my thoughts.  When it does, it brings anxiety and “should” and exhaustion.  Overall, I spend an enormous amount more of my time living now, but the future still has a bit of a hold on me.  And, now that I am so much more aware, I can feel what living for the future does to a body so much stronger.  So, I just watch it when it happens and note how it makes me feel and question who is watching.  I think this is all part of a bigger shift trying to happen.

I found it easier when I was watching the sunset yesterday to just melt into oneness and now than I did tonight.  I think it’s harder for me when I’m with other people.  I still have thoughts that tell me I have to be a certain way, have conversations, do things, be witty, be nice, behave like all the other people, etc.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore