I just wrote my last lesson plan – ever.
In other news, some critter is eating my stairs, there’s chewed up wood all over the stairs and floor below.
Still sick – going to bed.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
I just wrote my last lesson plan – ever.
In other news, some critter is eating my stairs, there’s chewed up wood all over the stairs and floor below.
Still sick – going to bed.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
I have a new house critter. Well, he wants to be a house critter, but I won’t let him in. An adorable kitten. I’d love to have a house kitten, but he probably has fleas. He has a salty disposition and just sits outside my door or window and demands that he has the right to come in. He has already ruined one of my screens trying to get in. I tried to feed him, but he just wants in the house. He is adorable.
I woke up Monday with a wicked cold. I went home early. Noi was so nice and went out to buy me soup and medicine. Everyone is very concerned that I have medicine.
If I wasn’t giving final exams next week, I would have skipped Tuesday altogether, but I didn’t think it was fair to give them exams without a exam review class. It was the longest day ever.
Wednesday still sick. Now everyone is asking me if I need to go to the doctor. What is a doctor going to do about a cold? “Do you have medicine”? So, I just kept saying I had medicine. I will go to the hospital if I’m still sick after a week. Colds usually last a week for me.
Wednesday Pat told me I had to sign a resignation letter. They also made me sign a copy of each page of my passport. Awhile ago I had asked Pat about when the school would cancel my work permit and she said they wouldn’t. I’m pretty sure everything I signed cancels my work permit and I have 24 hours to leave the country. I was trying to explain to her that this is what we talked about before and this means I have to leave as soon as the work permit is canceled. I need to know when that date is. She almost had a melt down. ‘They have to report correctly and cannot lie. Thai people don’t lie. Thai people are nice. What do I expect her to do?’ She got all defensive and tried to pick a fight with me in the office. wtf, Pat? I just want to know the date my permit is being canceled so I can plan accordingly. She is completely invested in having me believe that Thai people are nice civilized people as if her whole identity depends on it. What on earth did I do or other Americans before me do to make her think that Americans are such horrible creatures and that we think Thais are? And what gave her the idea that I was expecting her to do some illegal reporting? Relax.
So, what is this requirement that you have 24 hours to leave the country after your work permit is over. I have to work a full day on Friday and be out of the country on Saturday. “Thank you for your service in teaching our children, the future of our country. Now get out and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out”.
I just felt like dying, but I had to go do laundry after school. I have to pack. I have to finish my last lesson plans and now I have to figure out where to go for 4 days the day after I finish teaching. I saw a guy limp down the street with no shoes and clothes that were so dirty they looked like they had never been washed. He was muttering to himself as he walked. Ok, no matter how horrible I feel, my life is probably 2,000 times better than this guy’s. Perspective.
Sidenote, Thai washing machines are confusing. You put the clothes in, the soap in and then the coins in. There are 20 buttons on the machine, but you don’t push any of them. Then it flashes 3 or 4 different numbers, the last one I think is the total time the washing will take. And then it does it’s thing. I don’t think there are any dryers in the entire country. This is the second washing in a row for half this load since if it rains, my clothes don’t dry fast enough and then they smell musty and I have to wash them again. I miss dryers.
It’s been raining a lot. After about 2 days of rain when it stopped, the sky was so full of dragon flies. It was kind of like lemon yellow butterfly season, but dragon flies. I’ve never seen so many at one time. It’s mesmerizing.
Today after lunch, Noi and I went to get coffee. I’m not allowed to get cold coffee because cold drinks are bad for a cold. I always thought the idea that you should drink warm liquids when you are sick was just an old wives tale. I looked it up. They did research and found that people that drank warm liquids got better faster. Ok, hot coffee will do. While I was waiting for my coffee, Noi went behind the counter and cut up some limes and made some concoction for me. She told me to sip it and it would help my cough. It was the juice from about 5 limes and a pound of salt. This is one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had. It burned my throat and my stomach. I got instant heartburn, felt weak and dizzy and an instant headache. Yep – cold symptoms gone, replaced with heart attach symptoms instead. Did it help the cough? Maybe. She told me I should drink this at home every day. Will I ever drink this again? No.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore



Thursday, I did a half day of rock climbing. Railey Beach, which is near me, is known for its climbing. The beach is only accessible by boat. It has such a weird vibe to it which I didn’t like much. It’s like a Rastafarian, a hippy and a rock climber met on a beach. The climbing was good and it felt nice to be on the rock again. But I pulled a quad muscle part way through. That might cause a problem for climbing in two days – I booked two days of climbing. I wondered how they would know to take me back to my hotel after I did the boat ride. As I was leaving the climbing shop, they gave me a red nametag thing around my neck and put me on the boat. I felt like a little kid who had been given a nametag and sent off to school. It worked, a taxi was waiting on the other side and knew me by my red tag. I did have a neat experience where I had the distinct feeling, “Oh, I live here”. It was subtle, but it was as if a small part that was resisting, let go.
Yesterday my leg did not feel miraculously better as I had hoped it would. All my other muscles were sore too. I guess I got a good work out climbing the day before. I had signed up for a jungle tour today. The people in my tour were less than fun. It was 4 Europeans, 7 Thai Muslims and a family of 3 from India. I’m becoming more and more convinced that Europeans are just snooty. The Muslims didn’t even acknowledge me. The Indians were nice to talk to. We went to a hot springs waterfall. I really enjoyed that. We also went to the Emerald pool which was a mineral springs with tons of Thais swimming in it. It was also enjoyable. There was lunch which was Thai or Halal and too spicy for me. I didn’t really like it, and (foreshadowing) it didn’t like me either. Then they took us to the Tiger Cave Temple. It doesn’t have actual tigers, that’s another temple somewhere else in Thailand. I didn’t see a cave either. There was a bunch of stairs you could climb to see a big Buddah. Of course there were, they seem to like to build things on tops of mountains and I seem to climb them even though, it looks like the same Buddah I’ve seen in other temples. I didn’t listen too closely to the tour guide when she said how many stairs. I should have. At about 600, I asked someone, how many stairs? Oh jeezee, I would not have done this if I had known it was 1260 really steep stairs to see a Buddha statue. So, enjoy the pictures I took, because I worked very hard in the heat to get them. The way down was just as hard since they were so steep. I could barely move my legs by the time I got down. I felt dehydrated and horrible by then. Next was elephant riding. I’m am against this so I didn’t pay to go. Another couple didn’t pay either. Shortly after everyone took off on their elephant ride, the put the three of us into another van full of other people and took us back to our hotels. The ride back went winding down steep streets way too fast and I felt sick to my stomach by the time I got back. I never get car sick. I tried to nap, but was rudely awakened by the need to throw up. This continued roughly every hour through the rest of the day and all night. Really, Life? What do you want? I was just beginning to feel better and was trying to rebuild my strength.
Today I woke in so much pain. All my muscles hurt from climbing the other day and now my stomach muscles hurt from being sick all night. I tried to eat some yogurt, but didn’t feel much better. The owner of the guest house I’m staying in offered to drive me to the doctor. That was real nice. The doctor asked a bunch of questions, gave me some meds and sent me on my way. I didn’t do much today, slept a bit, tried to eat a little and rescheduled the tour I was supposed to do tonight. I canceled climbing yesterday. I feel a little bit better, but not great. How am I ever going to survive Thailand?
Then to add to all of this, I find out my mom’s husband has been put into hospice care. My brother went out there yesterday to help with finances and paperwork. One of my cousin’s sons was killed in a car accident. Big stuff is happening back home and I’m complaining about some bad food. I find my brain trying to put all the information into categories and boxes and make sense of it all, but it’s having a hard time doing it. I’m not sure it even knows how any more since that’s the old way of doing things.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore














































I went down to the lobby at 4:45. One of the night guys was asleep on a bed behind the desk and the other was on a lobby couch. I felt bad about waking them up, but the one on the couch hopped up and grabbed my bad and took it out to the taxi that was already waiting for me. I think the Vietnamese people are easy to anger and have short tempers, but when they smile or are helpful, it feels so much more sincere than the Thai people. My flight back to Bangkok was uneventful and it was the shortest wait I’ve ever had to get through immigration anywhere. I said goodbye to Annaliese. I felt a huge relief as I did. Not that I was relieved to say goodbye. She is a sweet fun person, but I realized I had taken on some of her energetic stuff (everyone has stuff). With all that I am learning and the big wall I am coming to with the disintegration of identity, I think I took on some of her fear, making mine feel larger, a trick of the ego to keep me in fear so I won’t move forward in this process. I know other people that feel the energies going on around them so strongly that it is overwhelming and they sometimes don’t know what is them and what is others. I never use to think I did this, but now I’m realizing I do sometimes. It just comes in more subtle and I don’t realize I’m taking on other energies right away. When I do, I’m able to drop it quickly. The relief I felt today was when I let her energies go and some of my fear went with it.
With a bit of difficulty, I found the bus to Jomtiem which is a couple hours south east of Bangkok.
Jomtiem is a beach area near Pattaya. Pattay is a big beach destination for old white men and people wanting to get away from Bangkok. When I first moved to Thailand one of my co-workers put me in touch with his brother-in-law, Chris. Chris lives in Jomtien. He was a huge force in keeping me sane when I first moved to Sam Ngao. I would often call him after school when it was the middle of the night in the US. I just told him I needed to speak and hear fluent English and it would set my brain right. He’s a sailor and told me he’d take me sailing if I ever made it to Jomtien so I decided this would be a good place to relax between Vietnam and Krabi.
The bus dropped me off and I walked a couple blocks to the restaurant Chris was meeting me at. It was nice to put a face to the voice. I managed to eat a half a sandwich. Yay! He recommended an apartment complex nearby that rents rooms and has a pool so we went there. There were several high rise buildings with plain looking apartments and a big pool. On the bottom floor of each building is a row of plain looking businesses, Thai restaurants, small bars, places renting rooms and other things. We went into one of the places renting rooms and booked a room for me. It’s not the nicest place, but it’s on the 10th floor. The rent was cheap enough and I have to pay for water and electricity when I leave. I think I’d rather have a hotel, but I think this will do for 4 days.
I had told Chris I was sick and asked if there was a doctor he recommended. He has and ear infection so he said he’d go with me. We walked into the clinic and I told them what was going on. I talked to the doctor for a while. Her English was difficult to understand, but she seemed to understand me better. She asked a lot of questions, took temperature, looked in my throat and nose. She told me it wasn’t Dengue fever as if I was nuts to ask. She said I’d be burning up and red if it was. Then I got called back in for an injection. The nurse put 4 or 5 things in the syringe. I have no idea what was in the shot and I don’t much care. Then she gave me a bag with 7 different drugs. She gave me instructions on how to take them, but not what they were. She said one was an antibiotic that would help with the sinus infection and stomach problems. Again, I don’t much care what the drugs are if they work. It all didn’t take long and cost me about $30. Much cheaper than the US, but way more expensive than Sam Ngao.
After the clinic, Chris dropped me off at the apartments. I went and got a foot massage at one of the places in the building. It might have been the best foot massage yet. Then I went to the pool and just sat in the water. Finally, I was immersed in water. The water was way too warm, but it was wonderful anyway.
I need to pay for wifi at the building and found out too late to pay. The office was closed. So, I ventured out for dinner and hung out in a sports bar until they closed, just posting blogs, putting more money on my Thai phone, making phone calls and catching up on email. I ate a whole personal pizza. I feel tired, but so much better. Thanks mystery injection.
I found out earlier today that my mom’s husband is in the hospital. He can’t keep food down and now isn’t very coherent. I talked to mom tonight and she is ok, all considered. I didn’t ask when he went to the hospital, but I can bet it was around the time I was in Hanoi processing about her. I wonder why our medical system thinks radiation is a good alternative to cancer. Most people I’ve known that had radiation died of radiation complications. Why don’t we just try to make people more comfortable and let them go of cancer? How did pumping someone full of poison become the solution to not die of cancer. I guess it works for some, but I still think something is terribly wrong with our medical system.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Well, last night I didn’t watch Game of Thrones. After posting my blog I just felt so miserable that I looked up symptoms of Dengue Fever and Malaria. I don’t think I have either one of those. If it is Dengue, it’ll pass in a few more days. I am not sure if I had a fever or it was just hot. I had the achy joints and giant headache, but it didn’t mention anything about cold symptoms. I did debate a trip to the hospital. I decided that if I still felt this bad in the morning or if it got worse in the night, I’d make the hospital call. I had the thought that in other things in life if we resist what is, we just make the issue worse or at least believe it’s worse. I’m hoping I will feel better in the morning or trying to figure out what I did wrong to get to this point. As I’m doing that, I’m rejecting how horrible I feel now. Am I prolonging being sick by wishing it away? On some small level am I contracting muscles, restricting blood flow and further stressing the immune system? So I laid there and tried to just be miserable with no thought that I shouldn’t be. I just sweat and whimpered until at some point it cooled down enough to sleep. I slept until 8:30am which I think is a record here. I stayed in bed until 9:30 with very little thought. I feel much better, not great, but better. I stayed home until it got too hot and now I’m sitting at the air conditioned coffee shop. Pat’s husband came in earlier with a bunch of other Dam employees. He bought me cheesecake even though I said I didn’t want one. It was fairly close to cheescake, just not as dense or rich. I’m trying to book hotels for my upcoming travels, but mostly just watching the wind blow the plants outside. I’m glad I didn’t plan to start traveling today. Now I have the day to sit still and take it slow.
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Today I still felt sick. I tried to pack for the two months off. Noi came and got me for lunch which was nice. It’s too hot to be in my house and too hot to be outside. The restaurant offered no relief – it was hot. After lunch I finished packing and went to the coffee shop. I met with Laura one more time before she takes off on sabbatical. I stayed at the coffee shop until it closed because it’s the only place with air conditioning. After I came home, I tried to do more of my turbotax when I looked up and saw a large head and eyeball looking down at me. That is either the biggest gecko I’ve ever seen or a snake. It’s head was about 2″ long and I couldn’t see a body. I’m not ok with either one hanging out in my kitchen above my head. I called my next door neighbor over since it was sitting on top of the wall between our houses. He couldn’t see it from his side so he came over. “I’ve seen it before, maybe gecko, not dangerous”. That was it. It just stared down at me most of the rest of the night and then disappeared. So, not much useful got done the rest of the night. I didn’t feel like cooking, it’s hot so how do I sleep, and I tried to do stuff on the internet, but was quite preoccupied with the gecko on my wall. So, the question of the day to ponder is why is this ok for other people and no big deal and why do I want it to be different. How can I be one with everything if I can’t be one with this mystery housemate? I think once I’m no longer sick, it will be better.
Today I woke up at some 0 dark 30 to the monks broadcasting the good word of the day or whatever that is that sometimes happens at way too early in the morning. It was still dark out. I feel like death. I’m so sick and it’s hot. I don’t care too much about the gecko anymore. I just am ready to not be sick. I get it, when I get sick, I ate too much sugar and need downtime.
I only had one class to teach today so I mostly sat at school with my computer open looking like I was doing something, but just zoning out. I showed Pat a picture of the head and eyeball on the top of my wall and asked what it was. She said it was a main power switch. Then I said what about the thing sitting on the power switch. She got all grossed out and passed my phone to one of the students. Then within seconds there was thirty 14 year olds squeeling “tokay, tokay” while passing my phone around. So, by unanimous squeeling vote, it’s a tokay, which is a large gecko. Even though she was absolutely horrified by it, she told me that it’s normal and they aren’t dangerous. If they chased it out, another would just come in. So, the tokay stays. He better start eating way more bugs. If he eats the rat, I’ll give him a name.
By the end of the day my head feels like it might explode. I have to do taxes and book hotels for my trip, finish packing and eat the food I have before it goes bad. Instead, I decided to lock myself in the pretend safety of my bug netted bed. The fan is in no way mistakable for cool, but better than no fan. I’m going to watch Game of Thrones because I downloaded it on my computer and then try to sleep. I think that is the perfect plan. Now you all go look up tokay on google and sleep tight!
(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore