I’d like to say it was wonderful to have a day off.  But, I’m still struggling with all the changes.  I still had homework to do from TESOL class.  Because they cut our class a week short, they let us turn in the last assignment today.  With all the internet problems I’ve been having, I was way behind on the project.  I spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon finishing it up.  It feels good to have it done.

I woke up in the middle of the night to music.  I put ear plugs in, but could still here it.  I wondered who would be playing music at that hour.  Now, as I sit here listening to chanting off in the distance, I wonder if that is what I heard last night.  I was told that the monks would be telling the story of Buddha through chants for two days.  I’m not sure if that is what I am hearing or if it’s something else.  Right now, it sounds great to me.  In the middle of the night, it didn’t.

After finishing my homework, I headed up to the coffee shop (I think there’s only one).  It’s not too far by bicycle.  I stayed there for awhile enjoying a latte, some air conditioning, and good wifi.  I tried to find the local bus station.  There doesn’t seem to be one.  I tried to find local taxis or any transportation between here and somewhere else.  There doesn’t seem to be any.  I find that hard to believe.  So, I’ll have to ask someone else later.  Then I saw a post from one of the girls in Sukohthai.  She was up at the top of the dam which looked so beautiful.  I asked if she was still there because I live so close.  She said our agent took here there and she was almost back to Sukohthai already.  Wait, that’s my agent too.  They had to drive right past my house.  Did it not occur to her that I might want to go too?  I’ve been trying to get a hold of my agents about renting a scooter, getting better wifi, travel in the area.  I haven’t gotten any answers yet.  And it would have taken her 10 minutes to stop and talk to me.  I feel so stranded and now abandoned.  How am I ever going to leave here?  I supposedly live in one of the prettiest parts of Thailand, but I can’t experience it.  I feel so helpless.  Then I realize stranded, helpless and abandoned are inseparable for me.  They all feel the same – one triggers the other and then the other.

Then I see some toast with some weird stuff on it being served and I realize I am starving.  So I ask if they have any food and they say no.  She’s holding a piece of cake in her hand as she says no.  I can’t hold it all in anymore.  I went back to where I was sitting and burst into tears.  I’m stranded here.  I will never be able to leave and now I can’t eat either.  Later I tried again and said Do you have food in Thai.  One lady said yes and the other said no food, but bread.  So, food and bread are not the same thing.  Granted, I’ll agree that white bread with a large amount of sugar on it shouldn’t be food, but I’ll take my chances.  So, I said yes, bread.  She showed me a picture of the bread with something ridiculous on it and I said yes.  I got a slice of white bread with what looked like powdered hot chocolate and chocolate syrup on it.  Not too bad for white bread.

Enough with the coffee shop.  I rode my bike up to a set of stairs I had seen that had a dragon on them.  I figured it led up to a temple (wat).  They did.  They led up to a wat I had seen from the other side a few times, but had never gone in.  It was quiet and no one seemed to be around.  I took some pictures of some of the pretty buildings.  Then I noticed a monk sitting in the shade watching me.  I did the proper wai for a monk.  He asked if I was alone and told me to go up to a building with a second story deck to get better pictures.  So, I did.  The lighting wasn’t great because it was late day, but the view was a nice view of the lower dam and river.  I thanked him and he told me to go into a smaller temple building.  He said it was nice.  I did.  As I was coming out of the building, he was playing the drums.  It was relaxing.  Sorry the video is sideways.  It’s too late for me to figure out how to flip it.  Just lay on your side and watch it.  Or close you eyes and just listen.

I then rode off toward music I could hear in the distance.  Maybe something was happening in town.  I found a different road up to the dam.  The gardens around there are nice.  I never found the source of the music.  There’s another wat at the top of a huge hill.  I decided to make that trek another day because it might get dark before I got all the way up there.

I worked on a speech for the parents tomorrow.  There’s a parent teacher conference tomorrow.  I think it’s just so they can meet me.  This is such a strange experience to feel two such opposite feelings at the same time.  I feel very welcomed and wanted by the school, teachers, students (and probably the parents) and at the same time I feel completely helpless, stranded and abandoned.  And hot, I feel hot.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore