Friday night Noi texted me to see if I wanted to go to the market on Sunday in Tak. She said it was a big market with a lot of plants. I need to go to Tak to go to the big Walmart like store so I said yes. Then she said “See you tomorrow at 7:00”. So I texted her back to see if she meant tomorrow or Sunday. She confirmed Sunday.
Saturday morning I decided to sleep in and they I was going to spend the whole day working on lesson plans. No such luck. At 7:20 I heard yelling and horn honking. It wasn’t real loud over the fan I had on, but I heard it and realized that Noi had meant Saturday, not Sunday. She has probably now woken up all the teachers. I ran downstairs and asked her to give me 5 minutes. I threw on a pair of shorts, a t shirt and a hat and ran out the door. The market was on the street next to the river and had a nice breeze coming off the river. It was a very comfortable temperature until 9:30. Then it was as if someone had thrown me in an oven and it became so uncomfortable. The market was fun. It had every fruit tree, plant, herb, and fish you could ever want. It also had a lot of clothing too. It was fascinating watching Noi try to decide on anything. It took about 20 minutes for her to pick out 4 lime trees, going back and forth with the man selling them. It took her about just as long to pick out three shirts. After the market we went to Tesco Lotus and I bought granola, cheese, salad dressing and a bunch of other things I can’t get in my town. We had pizza for lunch. She let me order since pizza is not her thing. I ordered a pepperoni pizza. She ate it, but I don’t think she liked it much. On the way home we stopped by a big temple in Ban Tak. We didn’t stay long. I’ll have to go back sometime. By the time I got home it was 2:30 and I had done no lesson planning. I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do and by the money problems I’m having. Life just felt impossible. So, I turned on the air conditioning and took a nap for an hour. I never nap because I usually feel worse after a nap. I still felt bad, but I got up and went to the coffee shop and worked there until they closed. I felt a lot better once I had started working on the lesson plans. I went and got a massage after that. All the yuck I had been feeling is definately being held in every part of my body. I got home around 9:00 and went to bed.
Today I spent most of the day doing lesson plans. I took a break to have lunch with Tip, but probably should have just kept working as it took way too long to get lunch with her. I had hoped to get this week’s and part of next week’s lesson plans done this weekend, but only got this week’s. Still, that was the most important part. My mood was much better today even though I didn’t get as much done as I had hoped.
A guy I had been matched with on Tinder when I was in Chiang Mai contacted me and we texted back and forth a bit. He’s riding his bike from Chiang Mai to Phuket. He left Chiang Mai on Friday. Since he will be passing pretty close to here, he’s going to come visit me. That should be on Tuesday. Still no one on Tinder in my area.
Of course I keep questioning why I don’t like teaching or living here. In theory, it shouldn’t matter where I live or what I do. One piece of the puzzle that keeps coming up is that I don’t like the concrete walls that are around schools and government buildings here. Something about concrete, heat and walls reminds me of my early childhood. I have no idea what happened, but this is not the first time I have had this memory. And by memory, I don’t mean that I remember what happened, but that I have the felt sense memory of being lonely and unhappy, hot and something about concrete. Then I had the thought that I was pretty unhappy through most of my childhood. And now I’m teaching teenagers. Huh….
Now I’m just listening to something crawling around in my ceiling and wondering how I’m ever going to sleep.
Last night’s house guest was a scorpion. I’m sad to say he met the bug spray. Are they deadly or just painful? It seems that Thailand is sending me a new horror guest every week. What’s next? Have I seen them all now? When does it stop? Does it get worse before it gets better?
Yesterday I felt very overwhelmed with lesson planning. I don’t like lesson planning. I don’t mind the actual teaching, but trying to figure out what and how to teach is just unpleasant. I got text books for my advanced classes and was looking through one to get ideas on what to teach this week. It seems like that would be easier, but the activities in the text book are so disjointed and difficult to follow. They are also way too hard for these students. So, it just makes me sad a the the Thai system that they hold the students to such high standards, but they just aren’t there. I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. Ok, I can’t say when I wanted to be one except before I was one. This is hard.
After school yesterday I went to get coffee at the roadside drink place. The lady there is so nice and remembers what I like. It’s cheaper than the coffee shop too. Since it wasn’t too hot (it was medium hot) and there was a nice breeze, I didn’t mind sitting outside. Then I went home and washed my motorbike. The thing still looks like a complete disaster, but I know it’s clean. Well, as clean as is possible. This made me content. Then I made dinner. I think I could stay here longer if all I had to do were mundane everyday things. I’m actually enjoying those. I feel very peaceful and don’t care that I don’t have a big social life or wild and exciting things to do. I’m completely present. Until I think about lesson planning or my car not being paid on time in the US or what if my house doesn’t sell, etc.
Today I woke up feeling completely horrible. Last night I looked at my US bank account I am running real low. I had to have some repairs done to the house so this month I won’t receive any rent so that will be a big hit when the mortgage bill comes in. After that, I won’t even have enough money to buy a flight home if I wanted to. The last I heard, the renter no longer wanted to buy the house. I still have over $30,000 of debt not including the house and car. The person leasing my car is still paying late every month. So, I woke up with this weighing heavy on me. I’m trying to trust that everything will work out ok, but I just couldn’t this morning. Most of the day I just wanted to leave, but go where?
I’ve had several teachers ask why I am leaving in September and if I was going home. Q, my next door neighbor asked if I was coming back after I went home for awhile. He also asked if Robin was going with me. I found that odd. Just because we are both westerners doesn’t mean I’m bringing a 20 something year old from England back to America with me. Robin’s on his own. I’m not even sure I’m going back to the US. Judging by the questions people asked me, most of them had no idea this was just temporary to begin with. They seemed to think I moved here for good. I find that heart touching and I felt a bit guilty. I questioned why I felt guilty though. I never planned this to be long term. I just don’t want to disappoint people. Guess I have to let that go.
The loud obnoxious skinny mangy school cat had kittens. They are so cute, but it’s sad because the mother just begs food and now she has kittens to feed too.
By the end of the day, I felt like I did yesterday. Just content. I went for coffee and a walk in the gardens with Tip, Ging, and their daughters after school. Then I came home to cook. I should have been working on lesson plans but I plan on doing that all weekend. I probably should be figuring out a financial plan, but I’m not sure what I can do other than move numbers around and get more depressed about it.
Noi came by and brought me lychee, mangosteen and a pair of pajama pants. She wants me to have long pants (although they won’t be long on me) to help keep off the mosquitos because rainy season is coming. I love this woman.
I also love mangosteen. I may have mentioned it before, but if I didn’t, these are the best fruit ever. And I am obsessed with them now. They are just starting to come into season here so I am happy about that. Lychee and rambutan have just come into season too. I like lychee, but only a few at a time. Rambutan is delightful to look at. They look like a shaggy monster. They are lychee’s hairy cousin. They taste way better than lychee too. I tried a new vegetable today. I was told it was like a not sweet melon and it is boiled or fried. So, I fried it with some squash, ginger and onion. It was very unexciting. The squash, ginger and onion combo isn’t too bad though.
Not much exciting happened Sunday. My bus left Chiang Rai at 8:30 in the morning and took most of the day to get home. I’m not sure why it took longer to get home than it took to get to Chiang Rai, but it did. There were 5 police check points on the way home, 4 of which we got pulled over and they searched the bus. I assume they are looking for people sneaking in the country as they checked IDs. They never checked mine. I don’t look Burmese. I got home and found nothing scary in my bathroom, but there was a dying rat peeing on my stairs. Why can’t dying critters go outside and die? They all have to die in some dramatic fashion and wait for me to get home to do it. I assume he ate too much of the rat poison. I had to sweep him into the dust pan and take him outside.
Yesterday at school, I found out that they are still coming up with random issues with my work permit. Now they want my work permit dates to match my employment dates, but instead of making the work permit good for 8 months, they want the school to rewrite the contract for a year. This would mean I would be here through March of next year instead of September of this year. How do you politely say no to that? I tried. Pat made a phone call. I have no idea where this stands now.
I have two higher level English classes. Today I went to teach one of the regular level classes and was told that the higher level class was mixed in. So, basically, what I was teaching was a repeat for the higher level class since I taught them earlier in the week. How is this good classroom planning? It will be an issue for the first two classes, but not after that. Still, this added on to work permit thing just set me in the wrong direction for the rest of the day. I felt defeated and although I know it will all work itself out, I couldn’t shake the feeling. After school, I figured the best plan was to go get a massage. They weren’t there. I contacted Tip and asked if I needed an appointment or could just go get a massage at the hospital. They have a section with acupuncture and massage. She called to set up an appointment, but they were closed for the day. I went by two coffee shops. They were both closed. I gave up and went home to clean my house in the heat. I’m going to have to clean my house every few days anyway. I cleaned 2 rooms and felt a little better.
I question why I don’t want to be here. Ok, there’s the obvious: critters, bugs, the heat, the language, etc., but in theory, it shouldn’t matter. I know that the real “I don’t want to be here” is the one from infancy, not wanting to be here alone in this body, in this life. I have worked on that a lot over the years. All I can gather is that I was left alone a lot in the first few weeks of life and it left a mark that is difficult to define and difficult to work on. I started doing the DSE (Developmental Sequence Exercises) again as I think this is what is needed to finally work through this issue. I catch myself wanting to blame someone else for my problems. Then a second later, I think “that’s stupid. I’m the one who chose this – on purpose”. There’s no one to blame. Even if there was, what would that solve? Nothing. So, this wanting someone to take responsibility is part of not wanting to be here. They both feel backwards and inside out. So, I feel uncomfortable and unhappy and I do my exercises. I watch my thoughts and reactions and I wait for the issue to turn in on itself and flip so it’s no longer inside out.
Today I had 5 classes. I’m exhausted and brain fried. Sometimes I have Thai teachers that help. Today, I didn’t for 4 of the classes and the lesson was pretty difficult. So, I feel like I didn’t do anything useful today. One of my classes was 50 students. I couldn’t keep their attention for more than 5 seconds. That’s too many students. I teach 6 different grades and 2 advanced classes. I had 16 classes last semester and now I have 18. Last semester I was creating 2 lesson plans a week – one for the first 3 grades and one for the last 3 grades. One teacher told me today that next week she wanted me to teach on one of the subjects in her text book. This is great because what I’m teaching will be relevant to what they are supposed to be learning. I’ve been asking for this for months. However, it now means I have more lesson plans to do each week. So now I will have to create one for the first three grades, one for the 4th, one for the 5th, one for the 6th, one for one of the advanced classes and two for the other advanced class. So instead of 2 per week, I’m now up to 9 lesson plans per week. I’m not sure this is actually physically possible. Then add on that I agreed to teach a monk after school twice a week so that’s now 11 lesson plans. Then I found out that Tuesday the last period is for clubs and I have to co-lead a club with Pat. We have to teach them hobbies. My hobbies are snowboarding, mountain biking, hiking, etc. How do I teach hobbies? We will do pottery, but I have no idea how to teach that without supplies and equipment. Beyond that, I know nothing. Help – send me ideas. If you add all that up, I’m now teaching 21 classes a week needing 12 lesson plans. I suck at lesson plans. How did this blow up to this proportion? I can’t possibly see how this is going to work.
I came home to an air conditioner in my room. So, that’s wonderful. I had to clean the whole house again, but I didn’t mind.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
This is what every street in Chiang Rai (and most of Thailand) looks likeAir Conditioning!!
A few days ago, Pat called a different lady who sells bus tickets by the highway. This one sells tickets for the Green Bus. I’ve ridden the Green Bus once before. They are slightly more expensive, in nicer condition and make longer trips with less stops. There is no way to book Green Bus on line and pick my stop as a pick up point so I needed this lady’s help because she is able to do that. I paid for and picked up my ticket a few days ago. So, now I know where her store is. She pointed to a store across the highway as the place to pick up the bus. So, my instructions for today are to drive my motorbike to the store. The lady’s mom will let me store my motorbike at her house which is behind the store. Then wait for the bus. Again, seems unlikely, but I know from experience that it will all happen like that. It did. I arrived at the store and was about to ask the man about the green bus when he asked me “Chaing Rai” which is where I’m going. So, I’m at the right place. I asked “motorcye”? (motorbike) and a lady came out and showed me where to park it. I sat at a picnic table outside the store until the bus came. I mostly watched a rooster go about his daily business. He would root around in the bushes, looking for bugs, I assume. Then he would find a high place like the picnic table next to me and stand and crow for about 5 minutes. Then he’d go back to the bushes. Then he’d find a new high spot to crow. Back and forth covering all the high spots to announce from. About 5 minutes before the bus was to arrive, the man came out and put up a green flag. I assume that was to tell the bus to stop.
A few days ago, Noi asked me how I was getting to the bus and I told her I would ride my motorbike. She didn’t like this idea and said she’d drive me. I asked how I would get back because I don’t like the motorbike taxis. She said I could call her and she’d come get me. I tried texting her and calling her this morning to see if she was picking me up and I never got in touch with her. I’m kind of glad because I might be stranded with no one to pick me up like last weekend.
The bus ride was over 5 hours. I checked into my hotel, paid for a tour for tomorrow and now I’m going to head out to find some food.
Today I didn’t have any classes. I went to school anyway so at least it looked like I was working. I did work on future lesson plans which is good because they still take me forever. At lunch I went home and made a grilled cheese sandwich and then went to get coffee. It was way too sweet, but that’s really my fault for not practicing “no sugar” in Thai. Then later in the afternoon one of the ladies in the school office made a coffee run so I had another way too sweet coffee. I love that they put coffee in bags and then give you a side of ice so that your coffee isn’t watered down. I just love that they put liquids in plastic bags. I know that if you don’t have a cup or bowl to put the liquid in, you just stab it with a straw and drink out of the bag. I have no idea what the correct protocol is for when you have a cup of ice. Do you still stab the bag with a straw? Do you cut a hole in the bottom or do you oh so carefully undo the rubberband and hope to not spill any? I’ve done the latter.
In an attempt to learn the student’s names I asked them to put their names and favorite activity on a piece of paper and then draw a picture of anything they’d like to on the back. Just after a few classes, I realize that this is an impossible task on my part. There are over 500 students and I haven’t been able to remember one name yet. Attached are some of my favorite pictures they drew.
After school, I went back to my house and sat on my “couch” in front of the R2D2 green evap cooler. I’m supposed to go to the temple for the festivities tonight. I just wanted to stay on my cool couch forever and not move.
Chelon, the teacher that is a historian of the area and who put together a booth at the temple and directed the play that was going to be done tonight had asked me and Robin to attend the festivities. She had told Robin 6:00pm so Robin picked me up at school a little before. We got there and people were still setting up. None of the teachers were there. Robin had never been to the temple so we walked around the temple grounds for a while. The guys in the band, Noi’s husband is one, were delighted to see me again and tried to get me to dance. There was a lady last night that insisted I take her picture. Tonight she insisted again that I take her picture. One of the guys in the band really took to Robin and gave him the sash he had been wearing. He also insisted that I take a picture of him. So many villagers were excited to see us and smiled or wai-ed us. There were food vendors but none of the food looked good to me. There were a bunch of tents with food too. Robin ran into a lady he knew from the dam and she invited us to eat with her in one of these tents. Most of food was too spicy for me or had fish in it, but I still managed to find some to eat. My mouth was on fire for about an hour from a tiny bit of tom yum I put on my plate. I really like tom yum, but jeeze, why so much pepper?
The festivities really didn’t start until 8:00pm. So I was fairly bored by the time they did. I never did see any of the other teachers except Chelon. She bought us cotton candy. I felt like a very happy 8 year old. There were a lot of people standing on the stage while people gave speeches. Then in the middle of one of the speeches, fireworks started going off behind us. The area has been in a horrible dry spell. So, let’s set off low exploding fireworks right next to the people and lots of burnable things. I love not quite safe fireworks. After the fireworks, they set off what looked like a geyser of sparks. The geyser of sparks went off every 5 to 30 minutes for a good portion of the rest of the evening. Then the play started. It was the history of the town of Ban Na. Ban Na is the town that had to be relocated/abandoned when they built the dam. It is now deep underwater. Islands near the dam were once mountains. The best I can tell is the people of Ban Na moved around in boats, grew rice, and had a nice life. Then there were men with swords. Then the people had a peaceful time. Then the town fell to drinking and fighting. And I have no idea what the rest of the play was about or what the ultimate fate of Ban Na was (well, I know about the dam, but that didn’t seem to be part of the play). After the play there was traditional Thai dancers and then a parade of sorts on the stage with people in traditional dress, carrying offerings or banners. Even though I was rather clueless of what was really going on, the part that I really liked is that this isn’t some cultural show for tourists. This is the real thing. This is the real history told through dress, play and pageantry as told by locals for locals.
When the show appeared to be over I was ready to go and Robin seemed ok with that. My new buddy who keeps getting me to dance tried to convince me that it was too early to leave. I should stay and dance. It took quite a lot of slowly inching away to be able to leave. Chelon seemed so touched that we both came to this and walked us out to the motorbike and stood in the street as we drove off.
Today I had 3 classes in the morning. It’s so hot. After lunch it got chilly, windy and then it rained. Then it was hotter than before and humid. I wonder how I ever survived childhood since I grew up in this climate. It feel impossible that people can live and thrive in this heat. It zaps my energy and feel like a zombie walking around.
After school, Noi said I should go to the temple with her. Some of the teachers are decorating and getting ready for the celebration tomorrow. As I say yes I wonder if I might regret this yes. I’m tired and I just want to go to bed early. I went home and took a shower just to cool off. I sat in front of my evaporative cooler on my “couch” and didn’t want to leave, but I had said yes and at 5 til, she called me to ask where I was.
The temple looked like a small town, high school fair. There were several booths that the villagers are setting up. There’s a big stage and some food booths. There are decorative lights. The decorations remind me of the homecoming floats we created in high school. They spend the time on some details and not on others. The obnoxious green satin material is carefully gathered and draped to create beautiful drapings. The post of the booth are covered in other fabric. Yet, the wires everything is hung from are sticking out like a sore thumb. That’s just one example. One of the teachers is a historian for the town (or that’s what I got out of the conversation). The booth we were decorating had a bunch of old photos of a town called Ban Na. Ba Na was the town that existing in this area before the dam was built. It would be under water now. There are some people still alive that lived in Ban Na. There are pictures of the historian teacher talking with one of them. There are also pictures of her with the Princess which is a big deal. I wasn’t a huge help in decorating, but they were excited to see me there. Some of the men were practicing with their band for the festivities tomorrow. I walked over to watch/video. They made me sit with them in the circle. They tried to talk to me, but I had very little idea what they were saying. There will be a play tomorrow telling the story of Ban Na so I watch some of the practice of that. The actual holiday that is tomorrow is a religious holiday though. So I’m not sure why all the history. Buddha was born, enlightened and died all on the same day. Tomorrow is that day. It has a long Thai name for the holiday which I can’t remember.
Noi and I ate dinner. I remember eating at this restaurant before. I probably wrote about it. It looks like a falling down shelter on the side of the road with a few tables. But the food is delicious. After dinner, I asked Noi to take me home. I’m so tired.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Paper cut out decorationsNoi made these
Getting ready for tomorrowGetting ready for tomorrow
Yesterday, I taught a half a class instead of 4. But since this is my 2nd week at school, it was probably time to teach something. By the afternoon it was looking like it would rain. The wind was strong which I liked because it maid me feel cooler. I saw part of the hill on fire – I think it might have been lightning. I got home and had running water! And by running water, I don’t mean what you are use to at home, but enough to take a shower and as much as I’ve ever had here. I took one of the fastest showers ever because I’m now wondering when the water may run out. If everyone comes home and takes a bath or shower or does dishes or laundry, there may be no water. Or maybe the amount of water has nothing to do with anything and is random. I think it’s random. So, speed shower time. But it was delightful to wash my hair! Yay! I ate dinner while it poured rain. After, it stopped raining, I went to the massage place. I wasn’t sure if I was too late, but if I was, they didn’t turn me away. It’s weird because it’s in someone’s home. There is no massage shop with hours on the door here. My entire body is a mess. My joints hurt. My legs are tight. My back is all rope, no muscles. I think my hands have been feeling numb lately because my back and shoulders are cutting off the circulation. Disaster. But, I plan to go to massage at least once a week and do my conscious movement at home and investigate what I’m holding. I suspect this is part of the final battle of the ego.
This morning’s guest in my bathroom was a snake. Thank god it was after I was dressed and ready for work or it could have been more than I could handle. I called Q over. He came over with a stick taller than me. He meant business. By the time he got here I couldn’t see it. So, I assumed it went under the tub. My tub is about 4 feet high by 1 foot across by 3 feet wide. Q is now standing on top of the tub with a giant stick poking the stick everywhere. No snake. He finally climbs down off the tub and we agree that it’s not to be found right now. I show him a picture and his response is “Oh, I think it is little”. Ugh. I don’t care. Little snakes can be just as deadly. He said he would tell the janitor to chase it out. Poor janitor has become so busy trying to fix all the problems this crazy western girl has. Q shut the bathroom door and suggested I keep it shut. In theory, that’s a great idea, but there is a 6″ gap at the bottom of the door that’s not stopping anything. I rush to get ready to go and look in the bathroom one more time to see the snake near the toilet. I don’t know what to do so I tried bug spray. He didn’t like that and thankfully slithered out the drain hole in the wall. But, if he got out, the screen on the outside of the hole isn’t doing it’s job and he could come back in later. This might explain the disappearing frogs I had in February. I think I’d rather have the frogs back.
Still, I went to school feeling terrified of my bathroom, but not feeling much else. The whole day was kind of indifferent. I think the massage last night released some of the stuff I was holding on to and now there’s no thought that I can’t survive this. I’m pretty resolved that I’m leaving after September. It doesn’t feel like an escape or a running away or an avoiding, but more like a decision made.
Last semester I had 16 classes a week. This semester they changed it to 17 and today I was told I would be teaching another advanced class so 18. I had 4 classes this morning with no break. From nothing for a week to full on. It was ok though. I like the advanced class. It’s only 20 students instead of 50 which is nice too. The other classes went fine too. It will be a lot of work having this many classes, but what else do I have to do?
In the afternoon, Noi came to get me. They are still having issues with my work permit. This time the problem is that the date on my visa doesn’t match the date my passport was stamped as coming into the country. And neither one matches the date of the request for the work permit. How can these people deal with granting work permits if they don’t know how it works? I had to get my visa before I came to Thailand so the dates will never match. I came under a visa that is for the purpose of finding a job so it will never match the date I got the job. So, we had to drive to Tak 45 minutes away to meet with them to try to work it out. I think it’s worked out now, but I have no idea. After, Noi had to go get supplies for the the school store and to make decorations for an upcoming holiday. We go to the school supply store in Tak. I sat in the school supply store forever waiting and sweating. I find the stores here to be interesting. There is so much stuff and yet, hardly any stuff, all at the same time. The variety of stuff is what there is a lot of, but the amount of each thing is what there is hardly any of. So, there are school uniforms – so many colors and styles for all the different schools, but only 5 or 6 of each kind. There is tape, glue, pens, highlighters, paper, and so many things, but only one bin of pens or 7 folders. It was so hot. I would scratch my arm or back and my fingernails would come up so dirty. I think I’ll just be constantly sweating and dirty here. We went to a second school supply store, but this one went quicker.
Then we went to dinner. She asked what I wanted and I told her something with vegetables. I was hoping for a salad, but not counting on it existing in Tak. She took me to a sukiyaki place. She ordered a plate full of mushrooms and tofu and some vegetables. I don’t like mushrooms, but I wasn’t specific enough and I did ask for vegetables. There’s a hot plate built into the table and you cook the soup right there. Overall it was pretty good. After dinner she wanted to show me the hanging bridge in Tak. There’s a park near the river and a suspension foot bridge. The river is very wide here so the bridge is quite long. It looks like a miniature Golden Gate Bridge. It bounces and sways in the wind. There is a night market next to it. There were quite a few people wandering around the market and walking over the bridge. The people wandering around and hanging out gave the area a wonderful energy. There was a nice breeze that made the evening feel comfortable. It was a very pleasant evening.
By the ride home, my brain is exhausted. Even though her English is better than most, it’s still very difficult to understand her. She loves to talk and I’m just tired from trying to follow and answer and explain. Then she pulls out the big guns. “If you have no religion, how do you know how to behave correctly”? I’m not sure if she means me or if this is the collective you. My brain goes all foggy and I feel quite grounded. I feel like I understand the answer to this question fully, but have no words or energy left to explain it. I have no desire to answer the questions, but that would be rude so I try the best I can to explain what I believe. I think it’s possible to live in harmony with life, other people, the world around you because it’s the right way to live, not because your religion tells you to. I don’t think I did a good job of explaining. She asked if I could forgive people. I explained that it sometimes it was difficult, but most of the time, yes, it’s very easy. If you see the truth of the situation, you will see that the other person didn’t do anything wrong or they acted out of fear or some other emotion or that you are reacting out of fear or some other emotion. Again, I don’t know that this translated either. But she now thinks I’m an amazing person that forgives easily. Then she went on for the rest of the ride about if you live a good life and don’t do bad things and give money and prayers to the temple, you will come back in your next life with everything you need. You will be rich, smart and happy. If you do bad things in this life you will come back as an animal or have a bad life or come back with no body so no one can see you. I use to believe in karma, but have since decided I don’t buy into in the hard and fast rule that if you do good this life you will be rewarded in the next. I do believe the energy you put out is the energy you will get back. All I could see as she spoke tonight was the fear of bad and clinging to maybe the future will be good. What a wicked game we play.
Tonight I took another speed shower, but mostly because I’m afraid of what is lurking in the corners or under the tub.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
My new “couch”My bored at the shop faceSchool supply storeAnother schoolThey leave the plastic on their charmsplate of mushrooms
Yesterday was extremely uneventful. I worked on tagging old blogs so hopefully they are more searchable. I met a friend for lunch. I sat by the pool. I tried Tinder again. One guy said he lived outside town and only had a bicycle. So, he can’t take a taxi? Tinder said he was only 6 miles from me. Lame. No one else responded. It was a real hot day and the heat kicked my ass. By the time I was done with dinner I didn’t even feel like getting a massage. Sleep was the only thing that sounded do-able. I did find this good pizza place so this was my second night eating there.
Today, after the sad breakfast that my hotel provided, I went in search of an atm, water and snacks for the bus. It took a while to find an atm and google maps was useless in this endeavor. After I got money, water and snacks, I went back to check out of the hotel. There’s an atm machine right at the hotel. If I had just looked left instead of right, I would have saved myself some time and frustration. Got a taxi to the bus station. Got a bus ride home. It was more expensive than the bus ride up, but I’m too hot to bargain shop. Maybe I’m paying more for air con that works on the bus. Wrong. I guess I was paying more for a bottle of water and mystery snacks. One snack they gave me was a pastry with meat, carrots and something green in it. The other one looked like a tiny hamburger bun with purple goo in it – taro? I love taro so I was quite happy with that one. It was a long (3.5 hours) hot bus ride, but the bus didn’t break down!
No one was able to pick me up from the bus stop so I had to take a motorbike taxi home. I hate those. Flying down the road 50 miles an hour on the back of someone’s motorbike with no helmet. Not to mention it was so hot, it felt like my flesh might melt off. Made it home safely.
I didn’t have running water when I left, but it seemed to be ok when I got home. But now we are back to no running water. I really don’t know if I can handle this. I just want to take a shower, but I can’t. I can’t flush my toilet. I don’t want to cook because I can’t wash dishes. I have a concrete tub in my bathroom, but the water doesn’t look very clean. It has a film on the top of it and dead bugs in it. I asked Q if he had water and he wanted to know if I needed water to drink. I have that. He didn’t seem too concerned about no running water. Both he and Pat said they’d talk to the janitor tomorrow. I was ready to pack up my suitcases and call it and go back to the US, but I can’t go anywhere.
When I had lunch with Rob yesterday, he was telling me how he loved living in Chaing Mai. His apartment is nicer than where he lived in the UK. He likes his job, has friends, and go places. He was going to the gym to play badminton after lunch. The main reason I decided against the Peace Corps is because I wanted a nicer lifestyle. I might have had better accommodations or at least the same in the Peace Corps. So, I question why I’m here? Couldn’t I be learning the same lessons if I lived in a bigger city and loved living in Thailand? Who knows. I’m trying to be present with what is and it’s not difficult to stay present, but I do find that I still want there to be a reason or a purpose to all this or to know how it will all turn out and I have no clue.
Pictures – I did get a picture of the US Consulate yesterday when I walked by it again. See below.
Wow, this was a long day. I went to school in the morning to not teach. It’s the first day of class for all the students. The M1 and M4 students started Monday. M2, M3, M5 and M6 started today. Robin had to do his speech before the whole school at the morning assembly. It reminded me of my first day which seems soooooo long ago, but really wasn’t. Most of the day the younger students spent cleaning classrooms. Since the school is open air with wood shutters to keep the jungle out, every room is a disaster. They installed new glass doors on the classrooms in my building. I’m not sure what purpose that serves since there still is no AC and the windows are still open. The older students are in some school “camp”. All I know is that a bunch of university students are here to help with the camp. They spent most of the day in the all purpose room doing cheers – kind of like a pep rally. I like listening to it, but I don’t get it.
During a conversation with Pat I told her about what a Rain Dance was and how we would joke that someone needs to do a rain dance when we need rain. She told me they had something similar. They put a cat in a cage, just one female cat. Then do a parade with the cat. They throw water at the cat to make it cry. The cries of the cat will bring rain. True Story! http://www.thaiwaysmagazine.com/thai_article/2404_thai_tradition_festivals/thai_tradition_festivals.html
After lunch, Ging and her husband took me to the highway to catch the bus to Chaing Mai. The lady selling tickets on the side of the highway was there, but she upgraded to a bigger table. She wasn’t as friendly as before. She asked if I wanted the 150 or 200 baht bus. The 200 one is VIP. I don’t know what that means, but since it’s only $1.50 more I decided VIP. I should have done the cheaper one. VIP did not mean working air conditioning or anything that resembled VIP. I’ve heard that buses breaking down is a common thing that everyone will experience at some point. Check. Now I have that experience to check off. The bus broke down about an hour into the trip. So, we all stood on the side of the highway while the driver tried to fix the bus. It smelled so bad of burnt rubber that it seems to me it is beyond repair. Waiting didn’t bother me too much. It was real hot and standing on the side of a highway is never fun, but I think it’s just looking at all the trash thrown everywhere that bothers me. After a while, the bus attendant (every bus seems to have an attendant that checks tickets and lets you know when you get to your stop, etc) made an announcement I assumed was that another bus was coming. She handed us prepackaged wet naps. A warm wet nap didn’t do much to cool me off, but I gave it a try anyway. Then I watched as most of the people threw the packaging on the ground. Eventually another bus came and picked us up. I wondered if this was the 150 baht bus. The air con worked and a nice lady made her son get up to give me his seat so I didn’t have to stand.
After I checked into my hotel, I found a burger and a massage. Exhausted. I have to get up kind of early to go to the US Consulate to get a Power of Attorney notarized. I’m looking forward to seeing what the US Consulate is like.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
How do they know which are theirs?Bus Ticket on the Side of the Highway Lady got a bigger tableBroken Bus
Rraine Drops 