Today I had 3 classes in the morning. It’s so hot. After lunch it got chilly, windy and then it rained. Then it was hotter than before and humid. I wonder how I ever survived childhood since I grew up in this climate. It feel impossible that people can live and thrive in this heat. It zaps my energy and feel like a zombie walking around.
After school, Noi said I should go to the temple with her. Some of the teachers are decorating and getting ready for the celebration tomorrow. As I say yes I wonder if I might regret this yes. I’m tired and I just want to go to bed early. I went home and took a shower just to cool off. I sat in front of my evaporative cooler on my “couch” and didn’t want to leave, but I had said yes and at 5 til, she called me to ask where I was.
The temple looked like a small town, high school fair. There were several booths that the villagers are setting up. There’s a big stage and some food booths. There are decorative lights. The decorations remind me of the homecoming floats we created in high school. They spend the time on some details and not on others. The obnoxious green satin material is carefully gathered and draped to create beautiful drapings. The post of the booth are covered in other fabric. Yet, the wires everything is hung from are sticking out like a sore thumb. That’s just one example. One of the teachers is a historian for the town (or that’s what I got out of the conversation). The booth we were decorating had a bunch of old photos of a town called Ban Na. Ba Na was the town that existing in this area before the dam was built. It would be under water now. There are some people still alive that lived in Ban Na. There are pictures of the historian teacher talking with one of them. There are also pictures of her with the Princess which is a big deal. I wasn’t a huge help in decorating, but they were excited to see me there. Some of the men were practicing with their band for the festivities tomorrow. I walked over to watch/video. They made me sit with them in the circle. They tried to talk to me, but I had very little idea what they were saying. There will be a play tomorrow telling the story of Ban Na so I watch some of the practice of that. The actual holiday that is tomorrow is a religious holiday though. So I’m not sure why all the history. Buddha was born, enlightened and died all on the same day. Tomorrow is that day. It has a long Thai name for the holiday which I can’t remember.
Noi and I ate dinner. I remember eating at this restaurant before. I probably wrote about it. It looks like a falling down shelter on the side of the road with a few tables. But the food is delicious. After dinner, I asked Noi to take me home. I’m so tired.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
Paper cut out decorationsNoi made these
Getting ready for tomorrowGetting ready for tomorrow
Yesterday, I taught a half a class instead of 4. But since this is my 2nd week at school, it was probably time to teach something. By the afternoon it was looking like it would rain. The wind was strong which I liked because it maid me feel cooler. I saw part of the hill on fire – I think it might have been lightning. I got home and had running water! And by running water, I don’t mean what you are use to at home, but enough to take a shower and as much as I’ve ever had here. I took one of the fastest showers ever because I’m now wondering when the water may run out. If everyone comes home and takes a bath or shower or does dishes or laundry, there may be no water. Or maybe the amount of water has nothing to do with anything and is random. I think it’s random. So, speed shower time. But it was delightful to wash my hair! Yay! I ate dinner while it poured rain. After, it stopped raining, I went to the massage place. I wasn’t sure if I was too late, but if I was, they didn’t turn me away. It’s weird because it’s in someone’s home. There is no massage shop with hours on the door here. My entire body is a mess. My joints hurt. My legs are tight. My back is all rope, no muscles. I think my hands have been feeling numb lately because my back and shoulders are cutting off the circulation. Disaster. But, I plan to go to massage at least once a week and do my conscious movement at home and investigate what I’m holding. I suspect this is part of the final battle of the ego.
This morning’s guest in my bathroom was a snake. Thank god it was after I was dressed and ready for work or it could have been more than I could handle. I called Q over. He came over with a stick taller than me. He meant business. By the time he got here I couldn’t see it. So, I assumed it went under the tub. My tub is about 4 feet high by 1 foot across by 3 feet wide. Q is now standing on top of the tub with a giant stick poking the stick everywhere. No snake. He finally climbs down off the tub and we agree that it’s not to be found right now. I show him a picture and his response is “Oh, I think it is little”. Ugh. I don’t care. Little snakes can be just as deadly. He said he would tell the janitor to chase it out. Poor janitor has become so busy trying to fix all the problems this crazy western girl has. Q shut the bathroom door and suggested I keep it shut. In theory, that’s a great idea, but there is a 6″ gap at the bottom of the door that’s not stopping anything. I rush to get ready to go and look in the bathroom one more time to see the snake near the toilet. I don’t know what to do so I tried bug spray. He didn’t like that and thankfully slithered out the drain hole in the wall. But, if he got out, the screen on the outside of the hole isn’t doing it’s job and he could come back in later. This might explain the disappearing frogs I had in February. I think I’d rather have the frogs back.
Still, I went to school feeling terrified of my bathroom, but not feeling much else. The whole day was kind of indifferent. I think the massage last night released some of the stuff I was holding on to and now there’s no thought that I can’t survive this. I’m pretty resolved that I’m leaving after September. It doesn’t feel like an escape or a running away or an avoiding, but more like a decision made.
Last semester I had 16 classes a week. This semester they changed it to 17 and today I was told I would be teaching another advanced class so 18. I had 4 classes this morning with no break. From nothing for a week to full on. It was ok though. I like the advanced class. It’s only 20 students instead of 50 which is nice too. The other classes went fine too. It will be a lot of work having this many classes, but what else do I have to do?
In the afternoon, Noi came to get me. They are still having issues with my work permit. This time the problem is that the date on my visa doesn’t match the date my passport was stamped as coming into the country. And neither one matches the date of the request for the work permit. How can these people deal with granting work permits if they don’t know how it works? I had to get my visa before I came to Thailand so the dates will never match. I came under a visa that is for the purpose of finding a job so it will never match the date I got the job. So, we had to drive to Tak 45 minutes away to meet with them to try to work it out. I think it’s worked out now, but I have no idea. After, Noi had to go get supplies for the the school store and to make decorations for an upcoming holiday. We go to the school supply store in Tak. I sat in the school supply store forever waiting and sweating. I find the stores here to be interesting. There is so much stuff and yet, hardly any stuff, all at the same time. The variety of stuff is what there is a lot of, but the amount of each thing is what there is hardly any of. So, there are school uniforms – so many colors and styles for all the different schools, but only 5 or 6 of each kind. There is tape, glue, pens, highlighters, paper, and so many things, but only one bin of pens or 7 folders. It was so hot. I would scratch my arm or back and my fingernails would come up so dirty. I think I’ll just be constantly sweating and dirty here. We went to a second school supply store, but this one went quicker.
Then we went to dinner. She asked what I wanted and I told her something with vegetables. I was hoping for a salad, but not counting on it existing in Tak. She took me to a sukiyaki place. She ordered a plate full of mushrooms and tofu and some vegetables. I don’t like mushrooms, but I wasn’t specific enough and I did ask for vegetables. There’s a hot plate built into the table and you cook the soup right there. Overall it was pretty good. After dinner she wanted to show me the hanging bridge in Tak. There’s a park near the river and a suspension foot bridge. The river is very wide here so the bridge is quite long. It looks like a miniature Golden Gate Bridge. It bounces and sways in the wind. There is a night market next to it. There were quite a few people wandering around the market and walking over the bridge. The people wandering around and hanging out gave the area a wonderful energy. There was a nice breeze that made the evening feel comfortable. It was a very pleasant evening.
By the ride home, my brain is exhausted. Even though her English is better than most, it’s still very difficult to understand her. She loves to talk and I’m just tired from trying to follow and answer and explain. Then she pulls out the big guns. “If you have no religion, how do you know how to behave correctly”? I’m not sure if she means me or if this is the collective you. My brain goes all foggy and I feel quite grounded. I feel like I understand the answer to this question fully, but have no words or energy left to explain it. I have no desire to answer the questions, but that would be rude so I try the best I can to explain what I believe. I think it’s possible to live in harmony with life, other people, the world around you because it’s the right way to live, not because your religion tells you to. I don’t think I did a good job of explaining. She asked if I could forgive people. I explained that it sometimes it was difficult, but most of the time, yes, it’s very easy. If you see the truth of the situation, you will see that the other person didn’t do anything wrong or they acted out of fear or some other emotion or that you are reacting out of fear or some other emotion. Again, I don’t know that this translated either. But she now thinks I’m an amazing person that forgives easily. Then she went on for the rest of the ride about if you live a good life and don’t do bad things and give money and prayers to the temple, you will come back in your next life with everything you need. You will be rich, smart and happy. If you do bad things in this life you will come back as an animal or have a bad life or come back with no body so no one can see you. I use to believe in karma, but have since decided I don’t buy into in the hard and fast rule that if you do good this life you will be rewarded in the next. I do believe the energy you put out is the energy you will get back. All I could see as she spoke tonight was the fear of bad and clinging to maybe the future will be good. What a wicked game we play.
Tonight I took another speed shower, but mostly because I’m afraid of what is lurking in the corners or under the tub.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
My new “couch”My bored at the shop faceSchool supply storeAnother schoolThey leave the plastic on their charmsplate of mushrooms
Yesterday was extremely uneventful. I worked on tagging old blogs so hopefully they are more searchable. I met a friend for lunch. I sat by the pool. I tried Tinder again. One guy said he lived outside town and only had a bicycle. So, he can’t take a taxi? Tinder said he was only 6 miles from me. Lame. No one else responded. It was a real hot day and the heat kicked my ass. By the time I was done with dinner I didn’t even feel like getting a massage. Sleep was the only thing that sounded do-able. I did find this good pizza place so this was my second night eating there.
Today, after the sad breakfast that my hotel provided, I went in search of an atm, water and snacks for the bus. It took a while to find an atm and google maps was useless in this endeavor. After I got money, water and snacks, I went back to check out of the hotel. There’s an atm machine right at the hotel. If I had just looked left instead of right, I would have saved myself some time and frustration. Got a taxi to the bus station. Got a bus ride home. It was more expensive than the bus ride up, but I’m too hot to bargain shop. Maybe I’m paying more for air con that works on the bus. Wrong. I guess I was paying more for a bottle of water and mystery snacks. One snack they gave me was a pastry with meat, carrots and something green in it. The other one looked like a tiny hamburger bun with purple goo in it – taro? I love taro so I was quite happy with that one. It was a long (3.5 hours) hot bus ride, but the bus didn’t break down!
No one was able to pick me up from the bus stop so I had to take a motorbike taxi home. I hate those. Flying down the road 50 miles an hour on the back of someone’s motorbike with no helmet. Not to mention it was so hot, it felt like my flesh might melt off. Made it home safely.
I didn’t have running water when I left, but it seemed to be ok when I got home. But now we are back to no running water. I really don’t know if I can handle this. I just want to take a shower, but I can’t. I can’t flush my toilet. I don’t want to cook because I can’t wash dishes. I have a concrete tub in my bathroom, but the water doesn’t look very clean. It has a film on the top of it and dead bugs in it. I asked Q if he had water and he wanted to know if I needed water to drink. I have that. He didn’t seem too concerned about no running water. Both he and Pat said they’d talk to the janitor tomorrow. I was ready to pack up my suitcases and call it and go back to the US, but I can’t go anywhere.
When I had lunch with Rob yesterday, he was telling me how he loved living in Chaing Mai. His apartment is nicer than where he lived in the UK. He likes his job, has friends, and go places. He was going to the gym to play badminton after lunch. The main reason I decided against the Peace Corps is because I wanted a nicer lifestyle. I might have had better accommodations or at least the same in the Peace Corps. So, I question why I’m here? Couldn’t I be learning the same lessons if I lived in a bigger city and loved living in Thailand? Who knows. I’m trying to be present with what is and it’s not difficult to stay present, but I do find that I still want there to be a reason or a purpose to all this or to know how it will all turn out and I have no clue.
Pictures – I did get a picture of the US Consulate yesterday when I walked by it again. See below.
The US Consulate has the most expensive notary ever. I got ripped off by my own country. It cost me $50 to get a document notarized. That was just what I paid the consulate. If you add up bus tickets, hotel, taxis, scanning and mailing, it cost $94.
I must have watched too many spy movies. I expected the US Consulate to be a big fancy building with a big gate and lots of important looking guards. It’s a unassuming window with one unarmed guard standing outside a door. A small sign above the window says American Consulate. I’d post a picture, but I wasn’t allowed to take pictures of it. I had to give up my phone and go through an xray screening thing, then wait in a room, then wait in another room. Then a series of 3 more windows, one to check in for my appointment and hand over the paperwork I needed notarized and my passport. The second window to pay $50. Let me repeat, $50 to get a paper notarized. At the third window, I signed the paperwork and got the notary stamp. Then I got my phone back as I left.
I found a wifi shop and was able to get the document scanned so I could have a copy and could email a copy. Then I found a post office to mail the original. So, now my lawyer should have power of attorney to help me with the car lease that’s not being paid on time. Hopefully this will be useful in the future when I sell the house too or I will have to go through this process again.
Wow, this was a long day. I went to school in the morning to not teach. It’s the first day of class for all the students. The M1 and M4 students started Monday. M2, M3, M5 and M6 started today. Robin had to do his speech before the whole school at the morning assembly. It reminded me of my first day which seems soooooo long ago, but really wasn’t. Most of the day the younger students spent cleaning classrooms. Since the school is open air with wood shutters to keep the jungle out, every room is a disaster. They installed new glass doors on the classrooms in my building. I’m not sure what purpose that serves since there still is no AC and the windows are still open. The older students are in some school “camp”. All I know is that a bunch of university students are here to help with the camp. They spent most of the day in the all purpose room doing cheers – kind of like a pep rally. I like listening to it, but I don’t get it.
During a conversation with Pat I told her about what a Rain Dance was and how we would joke that someone needs to do a rain dance when we need rain. She told me they had something similar. They put a cat in a cage, just one female cat. Then do a parade with the cat. They throw water at the cat to make it cry. The cries of the cat will bring rain. True Story! http://www.thaiwaysmagazine.com/thai_article/2404_thai_tradition_festivals/thai_tradition_festivals.html
After lunch, Ging and her husband took me to the highway to catch the bus to Chaing Mai. The lady selling tickets on the side of the highway was there, but she upgraded to a bigger table. She wasn’t as friendly as before. She asked if I wanted the 150 or 200 baht bus. The 200 one is VIP. I don’t know what that means, but since it’s only $1.50 more I decided VIP. I should have done the cheaper one. VIP did not mean working air conditioning or anything that resembled VIP. I’ve heard that buses breaking down is a common thing that everyone will experience at some point. Check. Now I have that experience to check off. The bus broke down about an hour into the trip. So, we all stood on the side of the highway while the driver tried to fix the bus. It smelled so bad of burnt rubber that it seems to me it is beyond repair. Waiting didn’t bother me too much. It was real hot and standing on the side of a highway is never fun, but I think it’s just looking at all the trash thrown everywhere that bothers me. After a while, the bus attendant (every bus seems to have an attendant that checks tickets and lets you know when you get to your stop, etc) made an announcement I assumed was that another bus was coming. She handed us prepackaged wet naps. A warm wet nap didn’t do much to cool me off, but I gave it a try anyway. Then I watched as most of the people threw the packaging on the ground. Eventually another bus came and picked us up. I wondered if this was the 150 baht bus. The air con worked and a nice lady made her son get up to give me his seat so I didn’t have to stand.
After I checked into my hotel, I found a burger and a massage. Exhausted. I have to get up kind of early to go to the US Consulate to get a Power of Attorney notarized. I’m looking forward to seeing what the US Consulate is like.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
How do they know which are theirs?Bus Ticket on the Side of the Highway Lady got a bigger tableBroken Bus
Last night I went over to Tip’s house. Ging was there too. They think I should get an evaporative cooler. They each have one or more in each room. They helped me look for one on line. Tip’s husband has a good idea of which ones are good and not. He had two smaller ones they aren’t using. He brought them in the room and set them up so I could check them out. He asked if I would borrow one. Hell yea! They drove me home with my new best friend, R2D2. He’s a round green evap cooler. I slept a lot better last night than I have in awhile. Then Ging said she’d take me to Ban Tak today to buy one for my own.
This morning Ging, her husband, Tip and the two little girls came to pick me up to go shopping. We didn’t find an evap cooler that was of decent quality, but got some other things I needed. Plus, I got to see where Ban Tak is. It’s a bit bigger town than where I live. It would be a bit of a drive on a motorbike, but do-able. We went by Tip’s favorite coffee shop and I got to meet Boom, the owner who grows his own coffee. He invited me to come visit his farm sometime. At some point during the shopping, they got a look at my shopping list which is ridiculously long. Ging’s husband is now on a mission to help me find everything. So, after we went home and the little girls got to nap, Ging, her husband and her daughter picked me up again and took me to Tak in search of the rest of the stuff on my list. I now have a printer, a new towel, and ironing board and some other stuff for the house. I still want to set up a “couch” and have an idea of a mat and the Thai triangle shaped pillows. The store that would have those was closed. I want a external dvd player I can plug into my computer. I have no freakin idea why I bought a computer with out a dvd player. I blame Vietnam. He’s going to let me borrow his until we can find one on line.
It was a full day of shopping and preparing for class tomorrow. Ugggh, after 2 months off I have to go back to work tomorrow. I can do this. I can do this.
I went into the bathroom tonight to find a bunch of soil on the floor. The water in the bathroom drains out a hole in the wall. There’s a screen on the outside of the hole. Or at least there was. I suspect it’s gone now. So, what dragged all that soil into my bathroom? I looked behind the tub to find another mouse looking up at me. Whaaaa
I didn’t do much exciting today. I spent a good part of it at the coffee shop. I don’t think Thais hang out in coffee shops for hours the way we do so they probably think I’m nuts or wonder when I’m ever going to leave. So, rather than spend the whole day there I tried to go shopping.
I don’t know why, but going into the stores around town makes me very uncomfortable. I’m being stared at. I don’t know what half the stuff I’m looking at is. And if I have questions, forget it. I feel uncomfortable at the market, but I like it. I don’t like stores. Weird. So, shopping didn’t take up much time. Now what do I do?
I chased the mouse around the bathroom quite a bit today. Then tonight, found him dead. The bathroom is mine again, well, not really. There are probably 8 small geckos living in there and some bugs. Why do jumping spiders live near the toilet?
I tried to find the orange house of the lady who made me promise to come visit her. I didn’t find it. There were a few peach colored houses and some cedar colored houses. Too bad it wasn’t pepto bismol pink because there was only one of those and it was unmistakable or that equally obnoxious green house.
I went to the gardens up by the dam. At some point the road has manicured lawns along it and beautiful landscape. This makes me sad because I live in the woods and I want to live in a place with lawns and landscape. So this brings up the question: Why do certain things make us relax and others don’t when in reality, one isn’t better than the other? I think it’s a combination of familiarity and programmed preferences. The manicured lawns remind me of the US and of wealthier/nicer neighborhoods. The woods I live in make me think of snakes, bugs and other crawly things. There’s trash everywhere and it’s wild and uncared for. Granted, I’d rather look at pretty flowers than trash in a pile of dead leaves, but it’s the way looking at one vs the other actually changes the way I feel, my emotions, my nervous system, my energy level. The reality is one is not actually different than the other (except the trash), both are nature. My friend Corina and I were discussing this the other day as we were comparing me trying to rid my house of mice and tokays and she had squirrels in her garage. Somehow, the squirrels were not as bad as mice and tokays. But in reality, what is the difference? I also noticed this when I was in Vietnam and they drove on the “right” side of the road. I felt my system relax a little. I noticed this in Singapore too. Everything is clean, people drive politely, there are gardens and art everywhere. Why is planned landscape better than natural? I think part of may be because of the intention that was put into creating a garden or art, but it’s still interesting how physical the reaction is, not just a simple “aw, I like that”. And how automatic the reaction is that we may not even notice it enough to ask the question. So, apparently I want to live a wealthier lifestyle and I’m drawn to the things that represent that to me.
I read some more of Diamond Heart Book 4. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s just amazing that whenever I read AH Almaas, he’s speaking directly to me as if he just wrote that chapter for me 5 minutes before I decided to read it. This only happens EVERY time I read his books. This time it was about how the problem is that we aren’t seeing correctly. We aren’t seeing reality. We are seeing concepts we learned a long time ago. We are seeing concepts in our brains. I was just talking about how I feel like I’m not seeing correctly. And I think the previous paragraph fits into this as well. Maybe I should read more Almaas and less Game of Thrones…….
Daylight helps so much. Nothing looks quite as dire during the day. I woke up not happy, but not completely covered in bugs so that’s a plus. I hardly slept at all last night. It was so hot that I just laid in bed sweating trying to lay as close to the edge as I could so I got full effect of the fan. I’m still amazed how much my face can sweat. I noticed that I’m just holding all the stress of it all kind of like holding my breath, waiting until September. I can’t hold my breath until September. I can’t live like this that long. I still don’t know how to let the holding go. I tried to cry or get angry, but it’s not an emotional thing. I’ve done that work for years. Cognitively I understand that it’s an issue of seeing. None of this looks the way I wanted it to. The fairy tale I was fed as a child isn’t true. No knight in shining armor is coming to save me. I wanted a more comfortable life than this. I wanted to live in a different culture, but in a city with expats I could be friends with and the ability to get around easier. And then I wanted the next step in my process to present itself easily. And some how money would appear and I’d live happily ever after. It doesn’t look like that. I need to see differently. Last night as I typed that I was feeling broken, I thought maybe I need to be broken. Maybe it’s like losing all that muscle I lost a few months ago, where I felt that I had to lose it all to start over. Maybe I have to be broken, have everything I want not possible so I can let go of how it “should be” and really see. Maybe it’s already happening.
The janitor came over and finished covering holes in my house. There are so many he didn’t do because it would take a month full time to cover every hole, but I think we got the ones that mice and tokays could get through. Speaking of mice, I found the one living in my bathroom. We both chased him around for 5 minutes and then he disappeared. Like magic. I have no idea where he went. So mind boggling. There must be a secret trap door that only mice and frogs know about.
Now I’m sitting in the coffee shop in air conditioning and wondering how they can actually get that much sugar to dissolve in a latte. On my way here, I ran into one of the teachers, Pit. I don’t know Pit’s actual title, but he’s kind of like an assistant principle. He and one of the other teachers looked so happy to see me. They both mentioned the air conditioning. So, I will have air con in the future. As usual, I’m not clear on the full content of the conversation, but I think the air con unit will be here on the 15th.
So, over the next few weeks, I’m going to try putting tags in my blog so that they are searchable by others. Or at least, that’s what I think it will do. I’m not sure because the whole thing about hashtags has me mystified. I understand it makes things searchable, but I have no idea who is searching for some of the things I’ve seen hashtagged. I have no idea how someone goes about searching. And above all I have no idea why. So, if you get a bunch of emails in the near future saying I updated a blog, sorry. I don’t know if WordPress sends an email every time I make and update or only when I post a new blog. Also, if you have any good ideas of hashtags I should use, let me know.
It rained and cooled down last night. What a relief to be able to sleep. I was able to sleep until 7:00am and toss and turn and complain until 8:30am. Even though I was complaining, I was grateful that it wasn’t too hot and I could lay in bed and complain until 8:30. I swept my bedroom floor this morning. Even though it was cleaned the other day, it’s a disaster again – lots of bugs and mouse poop. I swept the rest of the house too – same thing. I just might have to sweep every day.
I worked on lesson plans at school. I don’t like doing lesson plans especially when I have no curriculum or any idea what they are learning in the rest of their English classes. I feel so unprepared and unqualified for this job. The main office has air conditioning. It doesn’t work real well, but my house is uninhabitable during the day so it was great. I was there most of the day and got hardly anything done. I don’t know what happened. I feel like that most days. Nothing gets done and I don’t know where the day went. I think I move slower in the heat? Maybe? I blame the heat.
I went to the pool with Tip and her kids tonight. Yay! A pool! You have to pay to get in the pool and the water was very warm, but I was covered in water so I don’t care. I definately felt out of place as most people just stared at me and no one really smiled. The pool is at the hotel. We ate at the hotel restaurant after. It reminded me of Laura, the missionary that use to live here. She liked to eat at that restaurant. I miss her. My salad had lots of dead ants in it. I picked out a ton before I just gave up and decided I wasn’t very hungry. Tip asked what I was doing and I showed her the ants. She didn’t seem too affected by it. On the way home Tip asked how much money I make. I wish I hadn’t told her. I make more than a dentist makes. Now I feel uncomfortable.
Several times today and quite a few times in the past I have heard scurrying sounds in my walls. The janitor didn’t come to fix the rest of the holes today. I know a mouse or tokay or both are living in the walls. I don’t like this. It’s ridiculously hot in my house so my only option is to sit in my bed with the fan on. The fan only helps slightly. It’s blowing very hot air on me, but I think that’s still better than no air flow. I’m told if I want air conditioning I have to pay half. I have no issue with that, but I wonder how long it will take to get it bought and installed. I was told they have to fix the school cafeteria first. I have no idea what that means. I wish I had just agreed to it two months ago. Maybe it would already be installed. I don’t know what I was thinking, thinking I might be able to handle it with out air conditioning.
I have now shook out my sheets 3 times tonight. I’m in the bug net, but my sheets are covered in bugs. I suppose I’m covered in bugs. I swept the bedroom floor again, but to no avail – the bottoms of my feet are now caked with dead bugs.
The company that is leasing my car is not making the car payments. This is ruining my credit. The guy renting my house says he wants to buy it, but hasn’t made an offer so I need to decide if I’m putting it on the market or not. I feel trapped. If I come back to Colorado at the end of a year, I won’t be able to buy a car and I won’t have a house or I’ll have a house I can’t afford the payments on. I’m having trouble seeing how this is all going to be ok. I’m sure this is part of the lesson of learning to trust life and go with the flow of life, but it’s difficult to trust when all of this is going on.
I’m having a real hard time staying present and non-judgmental. This whole blog feels like a pity party, but that’s part of writing an honest blog. I’ve been thinking a lot today about how much I’ve taken for granted living in America. I know somewhere I’m learning and this is all part of awakening, but I’m not loving what is today. I just feel broken. Broken, sweaty and covered in bugs.
It’s so hot. I looked at the weather forcast and it’s in the high 90s. It’s supposed to get up to 105 three days in a row. I’m going to die. I stayed at Tip’s house last night. I came home around 9:30 am and went into my house to get a few things. Within 10 minutes I was completely soaked. All the rat poison I left out was gone except in my bedroom. However something ripped the window screen off one of my bedroom windows. What on earth is strong enough to do that and where is it now?
I went into school and worked on lesson plans. Pat had said she’d help me with lesson plans, but when I go there, I got “up to you”. I’m beginning to hate that phrase. It basically means there is a right answer, but I’m not going to tell you what it is. I’m almost done with the first month of lesson plans. I should be done tomorrow so that will make me feel better. There is a room at the school that is always open. Pat said if my house gets too hot, I can use that room to hang out in and turn on the fans. It’s not air conditioned, but way cooler than my house. I’ll probably hang out there tomorrow.
The janitor came over and boarded up some of the holes – the ones between my house and Q’s house. He has to finish the others tomorrow. I’m glad he started with those as I noticed Q’s windows were open and he has no screens – this might be one of of the ways the critters get in. I assume he’s home and opened them or someone is airing out his place before he gets home. But now I don’t know which side of the wall the critters ended up on. Are they stuck in my house or his? I sprayed bug spray into all the dark places and put out more rat poison just for good measure. I have seen two tokays tonight on the outside of my screens, but I’m still not happy because I’m thinking they might be big enough to have broken the screen upstairs and they might do it again. One is staring into my bedroom as I write this.
It rained. I went outside and just stood in it. One of the other teachers and I were talking and she kept trying to get me to stand under cover, but I wouldn’t. The rain isn’t hot. Then I sat on the front “porch” and listened. So many things started making noise after the rain stopped. It was almost deafening. There is a lot going on in the woods. It’s great when it’s going on “over there” and not in my house. I took video of it so you could here all the noises, but I don’t think it picked up the noises so now you just get a video of what it looks like from my front porch.
It’s been like a ghost town around here. I haven’t seen another teacher or student in the housing area and no cars or motorbikes parked out front. The teacher I mentioned above was the first. She just got back today. I heard some other people talking a little later in the evening. I bet more will arrive tomorrow too. I imagine they are going through what I just went through, cleaning out the disaster that moved into their houses. The only difference is they are probably use to it and it doesn’t make them want to run away.
I was going to go to the pool with Tip, but she had to cancel. I came home and washed all the dishes instead. I also made dinner. It was no where near as fun as the pool, but I felt a lot better after knowing the dishes were clean. I think just getting back into a routine will help with the culture shock a lot. I feel quite a bit better after doing the dishes.
Now I’m sitting inside the semi safety of my bug net. I’m marveling at the amount of bugs that are not kept out by the bug net. I’m thinking it’s time to turn off the light and attempt sleeping. I think I’m going to go turn the light on in the other bedroom so maybe the tokays will hang out on those window screens instead of my bedroom. Seems logical.
Rraine Drops 