Today my alarm woke me. It was way too early and I wasn’t ready. But, this is the first morning in a long time that I wasn’t awake at dawn. Usually I the birds wake me at dawn even though I have ear plugs and white noise. I don’t get up, when I hear them, but I grumble and try to go back to sleep. I’m not actually sure if I have slept until my alarm once since I moved here. Today, I slept until my alarm went off. I assume indifference is conducive for sleeping.
One of the biggest causes of motorbike accidents in Thailand is due to dogs. There are so many stray dogs here. I am very observant anytime I go anywhere, looking off to the side for any surprise dogs. I never thought that one of those sweet lemon yellow butterflies my be my end. Yesterday, I hit one while going to get printer ink. Or it hit me, I’m not sure. It hit me on the cheek and it’s wing hit my eyeball. For a few seconds I couldn’t see and was stunned. I swerved, but managed to keep the swerve minimal and regain my focus on the road. I thought, really? All these terrifying critters and my undoing would be a lemon yellow butterfly? Not today.
I mailed a package from Vietnam in March. It got to Colorado last week. Wow.
School was ok today. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but had my monk class tonight. I really just wanted to come home and crash instead of teach. Still, the class went by fairly quickly. I spent most of the day in the indifference place.
A week or so ago, I decided it was time to try some high tech pest control measures. I stuffed plastic bags in some of the suspect holes in the house. It seems like a useless attempt, but I have no other ideas. Then, I wasn’t sure if I was trapping critters in or out because I didn’t know where they were at the time. Tonight, I noticed that there seems to be a lot less rat poop on the floors (or is it tokay poop?). The bags have not moved. So maybe it’s actually working.
The school just hired a Chinese language teacher. He is now sharing and office with me, Mae, and the screaming cat. He’s real nice and is excited to practice English with me. I know they put us all in the same office because they aren’t quite sure what to do with us, but I enjoy having office mates. I got so much gift fruit today. I got two guavas, some mystery goo made from a fruit I’ve never seen before, dragon fruit, lychee flavored yogurt and 5 mangos.
Today Tip told me her daughter has lice. Oh lovely, do I have lice again? I used the straight iron tonight just in case – fry those eggs before they can hatch. My hair is finally getting longer. It’s hard to tell when it’s curly, but after I straightened it, it looks so long.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
High Tech plastic bag pest controlLook – longer hair
Yesterday I decided I had to get at least one lesson plan done and set an unrealistic goal of three. I had some free time during school and got 4 lesson plans 90% done. I consider that a win! Maybe this lesson planning thing is possible after all. I decided Today would be a day off from lesson planning since I have only one hour of free time during the day. Tomorrow I set the goal to finish at least two and get at least a start on the rest. Maybe I could get ahead by this weekend……
Today I had all the M2s and the Thai teacher wasn’t there. M2 is 13 to 14 year olds. It was so difficult to keep their attention for more than two seconds. By the time I was done with three different M2 classes, I was exhausted. The last class was so bad that when they asked to play a game, I wrote on the board “Class was not good = no game”. Some got it, the rest didn’t even notice I had written something on the board. I was exhausted, but I left for lunch with nothing but indifference. I have experienced this a lot over the years. It sounds like a negative thing, but it’s not. I actually enjoy it, if you can say enjoy and indifference in the same sentence. A lot of times we think of indifference as flippant or as a lack of good feelings. Actually, it’s a lack of judgement either way. There is no good or bad. I didn’t withhold a game because I was upset or frustrated with the kids. It just seemed like the correct consequence for their actions. I didn’t much care if we played a game or not, learned English or not, or just stood there doing nothing. It doesn’t matter, anything is fine.
I went to the canteen for lunch yesterday and today. It still feels very uncomfortable to me. Yesterday was quite scary. I have no idea why it’s scary. Maybe because I’m not sure if what I decide to eat will try to kill me with spice or not. Maybe because I know it will be awkward not being able to talk to most of the teachers. Of course, today was less scary because I was already in the indifference place.
For club today Pat had a game where there were questions in English on pieces of paper and the students had to pick one out of a bag and answer the question. Then they had to ask each other and answer each other. The questions were things like “What is your favorite color” or “How old are you”? I thought they would hate the game. They didn’t. Who knew?
When I tried to buy a printer when I first moved here, Pat told me I could print anything I needed at school. It has turned out to be so difficult. They don’t seem to understand that I have to print stuff every week for classes. It is a huge hassle to print stuff. So, I bought a printer last month anyway. It’s already out of ink. My big task of the day was to attempt to find printer cartridges after school. There is a shop with office supplies so I thought I would start there. I find this scary, but I can do this. Tip knew I was going to look for printer ink and she found me on my way there. She was riding in her little golf cart thing and flagged me down. She suggested a different store. They put ink in my non refillable cartridges. They seem to be working fine even though the printer keeps saying it’s low on ink.
Ton is a guy in my class with the monk. He is the assistant to the Chinese medicine doctor at the hospital and is friends with Tip. Last week Tip made the point of telling me that Ton is single and if I needed anything I could ask him. She also made the point of telling me that Ton is not a man. I think it’s very common in Thailand and very accepted that some people identify with the sexuality different from what they were born with. I find it very interesting how not a big deal it is here when it’s such a topic of controversy in America right now. I don’t see why it’s a big deal. Unfortunately, I’m not attracted to Ton, male or female. Tip made the point of telling me again today that Ton is single.
I have had a few conversations lately about the fact that I’m leaving at the end of the semester to go home. I never said I was going home, but that’s the word on the street. I am so touched as they are truly confused as to why I am leaving and sad to hear I’m going. I’ve been texting with Noi all night about it. She said she was shocked and sad to hear I was leaving and wanted to know if I was unhappy here. I feel guilty and then remind myself that it’s not my job to make everyone happy. I also remind myself that I never planned on staying here forever. They are a communal culture and we are an independent culture. Of course, it’s difficult to understand why I would want something else or how I could come in, get to know them and then leave. They don’t live like that. I feel loved and cared for.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
One of my classroomsMy favorite coffee shop if it’s not too hot outMaking salad
Today they had set up for giving blood at school. I had been asked by both Pat and Noi if I wanted to give blood. I have never given blood before. For much of my younger life, I didn’t weigh enough to give blood. Then there were quite a few years where I was traveling a lot and couldn’t give blood because of where I had been. Even though I’ve lost over 10 pounds since moving here, I still weigh enough and I figured teachers were going to keep asking me until I did so I guess it’s time to give blood. About a half hour before I was planning to go to the meeting hall, 5 students showed up at my desk asking if I wanted to give blood. I told them I was planning on it and they just hung out waiting. Oh, so I’ll go now. They escorted me to the meeting hall where they had it all set up for donating blood. The students helped me fill out the form which was all in Thai. I filled in information like my name, phone number and email address. Then I checked a ton of boxes on the back. I have no idea what I agreed to. They did the blood type test and checked my blood pressure. By the time I was taken to the cot, I had an audience. Every student in the area came over to watch. This was about 10 to 20 students. Teachers were taking photos. I was quite the celebrity for 20 minutes. Students kept asking if I was ok. One student told me he could be my inspiration. After, my escorts carried my purse for me and went to the snack table with me. Of course, the snack was cookies and some sugary drink that was supposed to be juice. Then they put a bandaid on me and walked me back across school to my desk, asking me if I felt ok. They even kept carrying my purse for me. It was all very adorable and awkward all at the same time. I haven’t checked, but I bet it’s on the school website by now – Teacher Rraine gives blood.
I felt light headed the rest of the day, but it didn’t get in the way of me teaching. After my classes, Noi asked me to go to the school shop with her for yogurt. She likes to have yogurt in the afternoons and bought me yogurt, ice cream, chips made from peas, and chips made from dried fish. I didn’t eat the fish ones. She told me a bunch of teachers were going to a temple tonight and wondered if I wanted to go. I didn’t have a chance to answer since people were coming in and out of the store and we got interrupted. On most occasions, I would love to go, but I was feeling so tired, I didn’t think I could pull it off. After school I hurried home hoping she wouldn’t ask again since she is impossible to say no to. I ate a snack and took a nap. At some point I thought I heard a car honking and thought, she came to pick me up. By the time I got up to check, there was no car. I won’t know until tomorrow if it was her or not. I didn’t nap long and have been just useless the rest of the evening. I wanted to finish at least one lesson plan and grade worksheets tonight. Oh well, I think I can still get it all done this weekend. I wonder how long it will take to not feel tired and light headed.
I’m also posting a few pictures from Chiang Rai, only because I just figured out how to get them saved from Line. One of the guys in my tour group sent them to me in Line.
Yesterday I felt very overwhelmed with lesson planning. I don’t like lesson planning. I don’t mind the actual teaching, but trying to figure out what and how to teach is just unpleasant. I got text books for my advanced classes and was looking through one to get ideas on what to teach this week. It seems like that would be easier, but the activities in the text book are so disjointed and difficult to follow. They are also way too hard for these students. So, it just makes me sad a the the Thai system that they hold the students to such high standards, but they just aren’t there. I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. Ok, I can’t say when I wanted to be one except before I was one. This is hard.
After school yesterday I went to get coffee at the roadside drink place. The lady there is so nice and remembers what I like. It’s cheaper than the coffee shop too. Since it wasn’t too hot (it was medium hot) and there was a nice breeze, I didn’t mind sitting outside. Then I went home and washed my motorbike. The thing still looks like a complete disaster, but I know it’s clean. Well, as clean as is possible. This made me content. Then I made dinner. I think I could stay here longer if all I had to do were mundane everyday things. I’m actually enjoying those. I feel very peaceful and don’t care that I don’t have a big social life or wild and exciting things to do. I’m completely present. Until I think about lesson planning or my car not being paid on time in the US or what if my house doesn’t sell, etc.
Today I woke up feeling completely horrible. Last night I looked at my US bank account I am running real low. I had to have some repairs done to the house so this month I won’t receive any rent so that will be a big hit when the mortgage bill comes in. After that, I won’t even have enough money to buy a flight home if I wanted to. The last I heard, the renter no longer wanted to buy the house. I still have over $30,000 of debt not including the house and car. The person leasing my car is still paying late every month. So, I woke up with this weighing heavy on me. I’m trying to trust that everything will work out ok, but I just couldn’t this morning. Most of the day I just wanted to leave, but go where?
I’ve had several teachers ask why I am leaving in September and if I was going home. Q, my next door neighbor asked if I was coming back after I went home for awhile. He also asked if Robin was going with me. I found that odd. Just because we are both westerners doesn’t mean I’m bringing a 20 something year old from England back to America with me. Robin’s on his own. I’m not even sure I’m going back to the US. Judging by the questions people asked me, most of them had no idea this was just temporary to begin with. They seemed to think I moved here for good. I find that heart touching and I felt a bit guilty. I questioned why I felt guilty though. I never planned this to be long term. I just don’t want to disappoint people. Guess I have to let that go.
The loud obnoxious skinny mangy school cat had kittens. They are so cute, but it’s sad because the mother just begs food and now she has kittens to feed too.
By the end of the day, I felt like I did yesterday. Just content. I went for coffee and a walk in the gardens with Tip, Ging, and their daughters after school. Then I came home to cook. I should have been working on lesson plans but I plan on doing that all weekend. I probably should be figuring out a financial plan, but I’m not sure what I can do other than move numbers around and get more depressed about it.
Noi came by and brought me lychee, mangosteen and a pair of pajama pants. She wants me to have long pants (although they won’t be long on me) to help keep off the mosquitos because rainy season is coming. I love this woman.
I also love mangosteen. I may have mentioned it before, but if I didn’t, these are the best fruit ever. And I am obsessed with them now. They are just starting to come into season here so I am happy about that. Lychee and rambutan have just come into season too. I like lychee, but only a few at a time. Rambutan is delightful to look at. They look like a shaggy monster. They are lychee’s hairy cousin. They taste way better than lychee too. I tried a new vegetable today. I was told it was like a not sweet melon and it is boiled or fried. So, I fried it with some squash, ginger and onion. It was very unexciting. The squash, ginger and onion combo isn’t too bad though.
Today I didn’t have any classes. I went to school anyway so at least it looked like I was working. I did work on future lesson plans which is good because they still take me forever. At lunch I went home and made a grilled cheese sandwich and then went to get coffee. It was way too sweet, but that’s really my fault for not practicing “no sugar” in Thai. Then later in the afternoon one of the ladies in the school office made a coffee run so I had another way too sweet coffee. I love that they put coffee in bags and then give you a side of ice so that your coffee isn’t watered down. I just love that they put liquids in plastic bags. I know that if you don’t have a cup or bowl to put the liquid in, you just stab it with a straw and drink out of the bag. I have no idea what the correct protocol is for when you have a cup of ice. Do you still stab the bag with a straw? Do you cut a hole in the bottom or do you oh so carefully undo the rubberband and hope to not spill any? I’ve done the latter.
In an attempt to learn the student’s names I asked them to put their names and favorite activity on a piece of paper and then draw a picture of anything they’d like to on the back. Just after a few classes, I realize that this is an impossible task on my part. There are over 500 students and I haven’t been able to remember one name yet. Attached are some of my favorite pictures they drew.
After school, I went back to my house and sat on my “couch” in front of the R2D2 green evap cooler. I’m supposed to go to the temple for the festivities tonight. I just wanted to stay on my cool couch forever and not move.
Chelon, the teacher that is a historian of the area and who put together a booth at the temple and directed the play that was going to be done tonight had asked me and Robin to attend the festivities. She had told Robin 6:00pm so Robin picked me up at school a little before. We got there and people were still setting up. None of the teachers were there. Robin had never been to the temple so we walked around the temple grounds for a while. The guys in the band, Noi’s husband is one, were delighted to see me again and tried to get me to dance. There was a lady last night that insisted I take her picture. Tonight she insisted again that I take her picture. One of the guys in the band really took to Robin and gave him the sash he had been wearing. He also insisted that I take a picture of him. So many villagers were excited to see us and smiled or wai-ed us. There were food vendors but none of the food looked good to me. There were a bunch of tents with food too. Robin ran into a lady he knew from the dam and she invited us to eat with her in one of these tents. Most of food was too spicy for me or had fish in it, but I still managed to find some to eat. My mouth was on fire for about an hour from a tiny bit of tom yum I put on my plate. I really like tom yum, but jeeze, why so much pepper?
The festivities really didn’t start until 8:00pm. So I was fairly bored by the time they did. I never did see any of the other teachers except Chelon. She bought us cotton candy. I felt like a very happy 8 year old. There were a lot of people standing on the stage while people gave speeches. Then in the middle of one of the speeches, fireworks started going off behind us. The area has been in a horrible dry spell. So, let’s set off low exploding fireworks right next to the people and lots of burnable things. I love not quite safe fireworks. After the fireworks, they set off what looked like a geyser of sparks. The geyser of sparks went off every 5 to 30 minutes for a good portion of the rest of the evening. Then the play started. It was the history of the town of Ban Na. Ban Na is the town that had to be relocated/abandoned when they built the dam. It is now deep underwater. Islands near the dam were once mountains. The best I can tell is the people of Ban Na moved around in boats, grew rice, and had a nice life. Then there were men with swords. Then the people had a peaceful time. Then the town fell to drinking and fighting. And I have no idea what the rest of the play was about or what the ultimate fate of Ban Na was (well, I know about the dam, but that didn’t seem to be part of the play). After the play there was traditional Thai dancers and then a parade of sorts on the stage with people in traditional dress, carrying offerings or banners. Even though I was rather clueless of what was really going on, the part that I really liked is that this isn’t some cultural show for tourists. This is the real thing. This is the real history told through dress, play and pageantry as told by locals for locals.
When the show appeared to be over I was ready to go and Robin seemed ok with that. My new buddy who keeps getting me to dance tried to convince me that it was too early to leave. I should stay and dance. It took quite a lot of slowly inching away to be able to leave. Chelon seemed so touched that we both came to this and walked us out to the motorbike and stood in the street as we drove off.
Today I had to get up early to go to Tak to turn in my paper work and pay for my work permit. Noi said she’d pick me up at 7:30. But didn’t come over until 8:00. Not sure why I got up early. Still, this woman is awesome so I was glad to have her taking me today.
At some point on the drive to Tak, she asks me what we do with our dead. Huh? Yea, that’s what she asked. So we spent quite a bit of time talking about funeral services, cremation and burial. They spend several days praying with monks, 4 monks in the evening and 5 in the morning. Then they cremate the body and take the bones back to the temple where they stay for something like 100 days. Then there is more praying/ceremony with the bones. Then the bones are thrown in the water (lake or river). I’m sure I got most of that wrong, but that’s what I got out of the conversation. I tried to explain to her that the ceremony and whether to bury or cremate in our country would depend on religion and nationality. Thai’s don’t quite understand how big the US is and how many ethnic backgrounds live there.
We also talked about marriage. She is teaching her students that in Western countries young single people may have many boyfriends or girlfriends (many relations), but when they get older and choose a husband or wife then they don’t have other relations. She said it’s not like that in Thailand. People get married and then have secret relations. I told her it was the same in America. She was surprised. I tried to explain polyamory and then realized that was not a concept I could really explain. She said the rate of divorce in Thailand is high and the rate of teenage pregnancy is the highest in Asean. I told her we have the same issues in the US. She said she won’t share this information with the students.
Getting the paperwork processed for a work permit is confusing and there is no way I could have gotten it done without Noi to ask questions and translate. First they told me my passport visa was expired. It’s not and it took quite a while to get them to understand that for my visa the 3 month clock starts each time I leave and come back into the country. How do I know this, but they don’t? Then they asked for my work permit. This is where I would have left crying. I am here to get my work permit so I don’t have a work permit to show you in order to get my work permit. Somehow, this issue got resolved. Then there was a lot of shuffling of papers, getting up to walk across the room to get a rubber stamp, stamping a page, getting up to go across the room to get something else, paper clipping the stack of papers, un clipping the papers, stamping another page with another stamp, white out, binder clip, new folder, paperclip, look over there – a squirrel, shuffle, get up, sit down. Then I was handed the folder with all the papers and moved up stairs to pay. After I paid, I had to bring the stack of papers back down. I have a piece of paper now that says I’ll have a work permit in a week.
If all that wasn’t fascinating enough, watching my automatic reaction to all the stamps on her desk was amazing. It’s a piece of crap plastic rubber stamp holder. It has two tiers of rubber stamps and looks like it might tip over at any moment. I am instantly annoyed by stamp holder and notice everyone has the same one on their desk. But the fascinating part was how very badly I wanted to pick up each stamp and stamp them onto a piece of paper. I have no idea what any of them say, but the need to stamp was almost more than I could bear. I’m not quite sure how I held myself back.
After that we went to early lunch. I thought of how hobbits have second breakfast, but she hasn’t seen Lord of the Rings so this concept was lost on her. She asked what I wanted for lunch. I wasn’t sure and asked what options I had. Rice or noodles. I kid you not, those are the only two options. This is not the first time I have been given those two options. I think this is how they decide to eat most days – rice or noodles and then some stuff on the side. I chose noodles. There were some baskets with stuff wrapped in banana leaves. She asked if I had tried them, Thai Snack. Who knows, I have tried lots of things wrapped in banana leaves now. These are only made in Tak. Well, then I probably have not tried them. She bought one of each. They were some gelatinous goo thing made of coconut. One had nuts in it, one had corn and I have no idea what the other one had. I didn’t like the corn one, the one with the nuts was the best.
We went to the market where she bought two bags of mangos. There were some yellow and a lot of green. The green ones all had different prices so they were different even though I couldn’t tell them apart. I asked what the difference was. She said she’d let me try them when we get back to Sam Ngao. We found a store that sells the Thai triangle pillows. I bought one and will use it in my house as a couch. Very happy about this.
On the way back to school we stopped by Noi’s garden to get more mangos. Then at my house we cut up three different mangos. One is yellow and sweet. One is green and very sour. The other was green and not sour and not quite sweet. This third one is the best. Then she left me with a bag of mangos.
I went to school and sat around looking like I was doing stuff on my computer. I got to meet Robin. He’s another Westerner in town. He’s in his 20s, from England and was working as an engineer at the dam for 5 months. That job ended so now he’s going to teach math and science at the school for a few months. After school I went over to Tip’s house. We went to the market. Thai’s put everyone on a scooter. I’ve seen families of 4 on a scooter. Today was my first experience of being one of three on a scooter where one is a small child. I don’t like. After the market I was taken to Ging’s house. I wanted to go home so at some point I said goodbye to Ging. I was going to walk three houses away to get my motorbike. Ging wouldn’t let me and Tip brought my motorbike over. What is this severe aversion to walking here? It goes hand in hand with the need everyone has to have me sit. The number of times I am told “Teacher, Sit” in a day is comical. Standing doesn’t hurt you. Walking is good for you.
In February it would get hot in the afternoon and after school, I would ride my motorbike somewhere just to create a breeze and cool down a little. This strategy no longer works. It is so hot that riding a motorbike only hurts. Any exposed skin is hit with a burning hot breeze which feels like your skin is being ripped off. So far, no actual skin has been damaged.
It rained and cooled down last night. What a relief to be able to sleep. I was able to sleep until 7:00am and toss and turn and complain until 8:30am. Even though I was complaining, I was grateful that it wasn’t too hot and I could lay in bed and complain until 8:30. I swept my bedroom floor this morning. Even though it was cleaned the other day, it’s a disaster again – lots of bugs and mouse poop. I swept the rest of the house too – same thing. I just might have to sweep every day.
I worked on lesson plans at school. I don’t like doing lesson plans especially when I have no curriculum or any idea what they are learning in the rest of their English classes. I feel so unprepared and unqualified for this job. The main office has air conditioning. It doesn’t work real well, but my house is uninhabitable during the day so it was great. I was there most of the day and got hardly anything done. I don’t know what happened. I feel like that most days. Nothing gets done and I don’t know where the day went. I think I move slower in the heat? Maybe? I blame the heat.
I went to the pool with Tip and her kids tonight. Yay! A pool! You have to pay to get in the pool and the water was very warm, but I was covered in water so I don’t care. I definately felt out of place as most people just stared at me and no one really smiled. The pool is at the hotel. We ate at the hotel restaurant after. It reminded me of Laura, the missionary that use to live here. She liked to eat at that restaurant. I miss her. My salad had lots of dead ants in it. I picked out a ton before I just gave up and decided I wasn’t very hungry. Tip asked what I was doing and I showed her the ants. She didn’t seem too affected by it. On the way home Tip asked how much money I make. I wish I hadn’t told her. I make more than a dentist makes. Now I feel uncomfortable.
Several times today and quite a few times in the past I have heard scurrying sounds in my walls. The janitor didn’t come to fix the rest of the holes today. I know a mouse or tokay or both are living in the walls. I don’t like this. It’s ridiculously hot in my house so my only option is to sit in my bed with the fan on. The fan only helps slightly. It’s blowing very hot air on me, but I think that’s still better than no air flow. I’m told if I want air conditioning I have to pay half. I have no issue with that, but I wonder how long it will take to get it bought and installed. I was told they have to fix the school cafeteria first. I have no idea what that means. I wish I had just agreed to it two months ago. Maybe it would already be installed. I don’t know what I was thinking, thinking I might be able to handle it with out air conditioning.
I have now shook out my sheets 3 times tonight. I’m in the bug net, but my sheets are covered in bugs. I suppose I’m covered in bugs. I swept the bedroom floor again, but to no avail – the bottoms of my feet are now caked with dead bugs.
The company that is leasing my car is not making the car payments. This is ruining my credit. The guy renting my house says he wants to buy it, but hasn’t made an offer so I need to decide if I’m putting it on the market or not. I feel trapped. If I come back to Colorado at the end of a year, I won’t be able to buy a car and I won’t have a house or I’ll have a house I can’t afford the payments on. I’m having trouble seeing how this is all going to be ok. I’m sure this is part of the lesson of learning to trust life and go with the flow of life, but it’s difficult to trust when all of this is going on.
I’m having a real hard time staying present and non-judgmental. This whole blog feels like a pity party, but that’s part of writing an honest blog. I’ve been thinking a lot today about how much I’ve taken for granted living in America. I know somewhere I’m learning and this is all part of awakening, but I’m not loving what is today. I just feel broken. Broken, sweaty and covered in bugs.
It was nice to sleep in a cool, clean room last night instead of my dirty house. But I didn’t sleep well because I just kept thinking of how much work I have tomorrow trying to clean and block things up.
Tip told me she had someone to help clean my house today and told me how much they wanted to get paid – deal! The school janitor came over today to look at blocking up some of the holes in the house. He said he could do it tomorrow. Yay! I did laundry and hung out at Tip’s house the rest of the day. Yet, I still don’t feel better.
A conversation with Tip confused me. She was asking if I knew anyone else that could help clean the house or if I could ask Pat to find someone to help. So, were the people she though would help now not able to? The rest of the conversation confused me and got way lost in translation. Of course, I can’t speak Thai so I’m no help. By the end of the conversation I was pretty sure someone is showing up at 4:00pm, but who knows? After this I just wanted to get on an airplane and cry the whole way back to the US. But there are no taxis here and no airport so I’m stuck. I wonder why this I feel so bad. I know that even though I have no idea what’s going on, someone will clean my house today. It’s like riding the bus with vague directions. It doesn’t seem like it will work, but it works. So, I question why I feel like fleeing. Then it hits me, I’m going through culture shock again. I’ve been gone for 2 months and I wasn’t here long enough before for this to feel like home. I feel like a burden. I feel stupid for not being able to speak Thai. I don’t like a living quality below what I had in the US. It’s so hot I can barely move. All of this is being blown out of proportion into despair because of culture shock – too many things at once.
I went to the market at 3:00. I love the market. It scares me because I get so many strange looks and I have no idea what most people are saying to me. I just smile. It scares me because of all the strange food – not just the scary food like frogs in a bucket, but I have no idea if I will like that veggie or fruit or how to cook it. I can ask how much and understand the answer, but that’s about it. I love the feel of the market and knowing the person I’m paying is probably the person that grew the food. I felt a little better after the market.
After the market, two ladies showed up at Tip’s house and followed me to mine to clean it! See, why didn’t I trust. At some point I pulled a black trash bag out from under the stairs. It has been there since I moved in. It moved. I screamed. One of the ladies grabbed it, took it outside and beat it with a broom handle until it stopped moving. I didn’t look in the bag, but she confirmed it was a tokay. So now my house is clean and the tokay is gone. I did some more laundry and ate some celebratory ice cream.
As I’m sitting outside the 7-11 eating my ice cream a couple ladies walk by. One asks me something and I look sadly at her since I have no idea what she asked. She then asks me in English where I am from. I tell her America. She asks how long I am here. I explain I am teaching and will be here until September. She asks if I am teaching at Sam Ngao Witt, which I am. Then she asks me if I will come visit her at her house some time. She points down the road and tells me it’s way down the road. It’s the orange house. I told her I would. She makes me promise. I don’t even know her name, but I’ve been invited to her house.
I’m so hot that I don’t know if taking a shower will do any good. My plan is to take a shower, crawl into bed with the fan on and don’t move. I can work on my computer and try to sleep. I get a text from Tip telling me it’s hot and I should stay at her place again. I feel bad having them take care of me. I feel grateful at the same time. As I’m coming downstairs to shower, I see a huge tokay. I’m not sure if I can even get down the stairs. He’s not blocking the stairs – he’s on the window screen. I’m sure he won’t jump out and attack me, but still……I take a couple pictures, of course. I manage to get down the stairs. I want to open the window screen and shue him out, but I just can’t get that close. I abandon the plan and go to Tip’s house. I am done. I don’t know if I can do this for 5 months – no ac and a never ending supply of large lizzards.
I showed the pictures to Ging and Tip and asked if this is normal to have these in your house. They said yes. Ging sees them in her house all the time. “If you chase one out, another comes in”. So, now I want to run away and cry again.
It did motivate me to apply for Antarctica jobs again. I should have been working on lesson plans, but I suck at making lesson plans so I searched the Antarctica jobs instead. They get posted in March so I’m a bit late to the game. Right now cold and very few (no?) bugs or tokays sounds amazing!
I like this part of Chaing Mai that I’ve been staying in. Of course, I probably like this area because it’s a more expensive place to live so with nicer condos comes nicer restaurants, shops, etc. I’d rather be staying in a hotel than an condo, but it’s a real nice condo.
I found a language school near the condo. The shortest class they offered was 20 hours. I don’t have that much time. My brain would explode if I tried to do that many hours over a few days anyway. I went in and talked to them anyway and asked if I could do private lessons. I signed up for 3 hours Friday and 3 hours yesterday. My teacher was a wonderful, cute, young, energetic lady. She taught me basic sentence structure and gave me good worksheets I can refer to later. That is good because I have forgotten just about everything she taught me. She basically gave me everything I would have learned in the 20 hour class. My brain did not explode, but it was touch and go for a while there. Not much stuck. I think it will come back as I study the worksheets later. We went to lunch together the first day and then the second day I offered to buy her a coffee on break. She took me to her favorite coffee shop and made me order in Thai. Now, I just have to put in the time to practice.
I worked on some stuff for my engineering company. It wasn’t much, but every little bit of income helps. I spent way more on vacation than I made. I hung out in the pool. I hung out in the condo and watched bad American and Thai tv. Thai soap operas are horrible. Their game shows are hysterical. For American tv they had bad cop shows, Grim, a firefighter show, A Minute to Win It, the ScyFi channel and a movie channel.
I got massage almost every day. My fingers hurt. I wonder what’s going on with them. I wonder if I’m getting arthritis, but assume it’s something else. My shoulders are very tight. It feels like my muscles are burning, like a chemical burn, when they work on them. My hamstrings and IT bands are pretty flexible though which has never been something I could say. I got a body scrub one day instead of a massage. Unlike the one in Vietnam, it didn’t hurt. At no time did I think I might be bleeding or might need a trip to the hospital. After, she put on oil. It didn’t feel like massage oil or lotion. It felt like she was turning my skin into silk. Oh, I wish I had asked what she used because it was a marvellous feeling. Now my knee caps are peeling. With all the sun I got over the past two months, no part of my body has peeled except my knee caps. So weird and fascinating.
I went on a few google maps adventures. Some of the restaurants I asked it to lead me to didn’t exist. Some of the routes were impossible. Still, how did we ever do anything before google?
I had a session with my teacher. He thought the hurting fingers might be a diet thing – too much starch. That might explain the burning muscles too. That or I have a rare horrible burning muscle disease. It’s probably diet. Nothing monumental happened in the session, but that’s not unusual for me. It did come out that I’m just not in a place where I have a bunch of emotional processing to do. I’ve worked through so much of that. It seems that now I’m down to Muscle Zero, that what I need to do is rebuild muscle while rebuilding my center. So, how do I rebuild? DSE exercises! In the past I did these exercises regularly and they usually put me into process, helping me work through the stuff that came up. I’m excited to see what the exercises will do now as I try to rebuild my body and energy system. So, I’m ready to go home with a new resolve of doing this conscious movement, finding a way to work out/lift weights, and seeing if I can eat better. The eating better will be hard as I can hear ice cream taunting me from somewhere off in the distance as I write this.
Strange food experiences of the week! I think this will be a regular feature of my blog. I went out for ice cream one afternoon. I found a place that advertised snow ice. It could be ice cream. I couldn’t tell from the pictures. I’m more adventurous with dessert than other foods so let’s see. I ordered the watermelon snow ice. It was gigantic. I couldn’t eat it all, but I tried real hard. The best I could tell is that it was like a snow cone except they used sweetened condensed milk instead of ice. Then they put water melon balls and ice cream on top. And they gave you a red syrup on the side to put on the snow ice. It was a bit much, but I’ll probably forget that in the future and do it again. The other food adventure was one morning I went to get breakfast. I found a couple coffee shops that had coffee and cake. I didn’t want cake for breakfast. I found a place that had bread. By now, I was starving and decided garlic bread for breakfast would have to do. They put syrup on the garlic bread. How on earth is that a good idea? Why can’t there just be food that is savory without having to be sweet too? Not every food has to have every flavour in it. It was edible, but I wouldn’t rush out and try to re-create this food concept. This I won’t forget, but I suspect it will happen again not by choice.
On a similar note I had a weird restaurant experience. I saw a restaurant near my condo and went in. They didn’t have a menu out front so I asked to see a menu. They asked if I wanted whiskey or beer. The place was called a café. I wanted a menu. They gave me a menu and then seven of them stood by my table and watched me look through the menu. This has happened often before where the waiter or waitress stands by the table waiting to take your order while you look through the menu. But it was seven women. I felt like an animal at the zoo. “What will it do next”? I’m not sure what was going on, but I decided I didn’t want to eat there.
I tried Tinder. It’s a dating app, but less intensive than most websites. It’s a weird concept to me. It shows you a picture of someone nearby and you either “like” them or not. If you hit the X or swipe to the left they go away forever. If you hit the heart or swipe right they go into your likes category. You don’t get to see the next picture until you’ve decided on the first. If you like them and they like you then you can send messages. There can be few photos and a short description you can look at. It tells you their age too. It only shows people that are physically nearby you. You decide what radius to look at. I messaged two guys, but didn’t meet up with anyone. I don’t think I like this app, but I am extremely curious to what comes up in the app when I get to Sam Ngao. And it might be a good way to meet people to have dinner with in the future when I go to other places for the weekend. We’ll see.
I’m feeling drawn to write a book based on my blog. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if I need to get my blog out to more people first or if I just write the book. I don’t know how to go about getting a book published. Maybe it’s just a matter of advertising on my blog and getting it out to more people to make money, but it feels more like a book to me than a money making blog. If any of you out there have ideas of how to make this happen, please let me know. You can email me at rrainefiore@gmail.com. I might try putting hashtags in my old blogs so they can be found easier by people I don’t know that may be interested in reading. If you haven’t subscribed to my blog, but are following it regularly, please do so as I assume the number of followers I have will be useful in marketing to a publisher. If you are not interested in subscribing to my blog, that’s fine too. I don’t want to pressure anyone. I know how annoying it can be to receive emails you don’t want. I may try advertising on my blog too. If I do and you find it takes away from the blog, let me know as I’m still figuring all this blog stuff out. I don’t mind advertising that’s off to the side, but if it highjacks my blog or gets in the way of readers enjoying my blogs, then it’s not worth it.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
3 headed elephant statueSnow IceThis penguin made my snow ice, I thinkI think he likes me
Yesterday I left Singapore and flew to Bangkok and then to Chaing Mai.
The Singapore airport is amazing. There is art everywhere. There are at least 2 gardens in each terminal. It’s easy to get around. They have reclining chairs in case you want to relax. They have lounges, tv rooms, a pool, and a movie theater. . I heard they had free massage chairs, but I didn’t find them. One of the gardens was a butterfly garden. I went early just to see the butterfly garden.
Bangkok airport has no gardens.
The strange food story of the day…..Mochi. I like the gummy mochi candy you can get in the US at yogurt places. I love mochi balls (ice cream wrapped in mochi). I saw this mochi dessert on the airplane menu each time I flew. Then a video of it appeared on facebook on someone’s page as clear cake (it resembles cake in no way at all). So, it was time to try it. It is a clear tasteless jelly. Then you pour a brown uneventful syrup on it and top it with crushed nuts. It was good enough that I ate it all, but there is no reason you should ever pay money to eat this.
I got to my hotel in Chaing Mai, only it wasn’t a hotel, but an apartment complex. The guards had no idea what to do with me. I had no idea where to go. I called the number on my reservation, but it said “this number is not available right now”. I sat in the guard’s office for a while trying to figure out what to do when someone called me. He said his wife emailed me (I didn’t receive an email). The key was at the guard’s shack. So, it appears I rented a 2 bedroom apartment. I’d actually rather have a hotel, but it is a real nice apartment. There’s air conditioning which I won’t see for 5 months, a gym and a pool. The location seems good – near a mall, plenty of restaurants, and massage places. I ate at a restaurant that only serves made to order salads. That made me feel a little better. Then a massage. I was going to do a massage and a body scrub, but if I ordered two services, they would tack on another 50 baht in addition to the regular cost of the two services. This marketing approach is backwards and didn’t work. I gave up on the body scrub.
Today I signed up for private Thai language lessons for tomorrow and Saturday, 3 hours each. I’m not sure if my brain can handle 3 hours each day, but any new Thai I can learn will be helpful. All of the classes I looked up on the internet last night were longer – weeks or more so that is why I did the private lessons.
I went to the hospital. I had to do the health certificate again since the one I did in February is now outdated. This is for my work permit. The first hospital I went to was a mass of people and no English anywhere. I couldn’t tell if I was in the emergency room, the general hospital or what. There were many windows and steps to go through, but I couldn’t figure out where to start. I knew there was a more foreigner friendly hospital somewhere so I found it on google maps and went there instead. Within 30 seconds of being there, I was pointed in the right direction. Then began the game of move Rraine from seat to seat to room to seat to room. Overall, it didn’t take very long. They actually took blood which was more than the last place I had this done did.
I had to wait 2 hours for my tests to come back to get my certification. So I went and got lunch. There was a mall with a pizza hut and another pizza place. I opted for the other pizza place. My pizza looked and tasted suspiciously like pizza hut though. I was able to find the phone store and get my internet issues resolved (in theory – haven’t tried it out yet). I got my certification. I didn’t look at it because it was in a sealed envelope. I assume I’m healthy enough to work in Thailand. The blood test was for syphilis. I think you have to have sex to get that so I should be good to go.
While I was waiting for the certification, I got a message from the owner of the condo. He wanted to know if I could move to the room I actually rented today. Huh? With all that confusion yesterday, this isn’t even the right room. Ok, not a big deal I guess. I told him what time I’d be back and he said he’d have the maid change keys with me. This didn’t go so smoothly either. The new room hadn’t been cleaned. It was a mess and had no clean towels or sheets. I went to the pool hoping the problem would solve itself. A lot of messaging back and forth and now someone is cleaning my new room.
Thoughts of the day though: This morning when everything went so smoothly with the language lessons, hospital and phone store (the three main things I needed to do today), I felt good and thought I might accomplish everything today . I wanted to finish blogs, do some engineering work and finish lesson plans too. Ha – too ambitious. Then the dirty room dashed all of that. Now I’m cranky and grumpy and have a bit of a poor me thing going on. Such a little thing. So, I know this is no big deal, but the old nervous system pattern is getting triggered that makes me feel bad when things are out of my control and not going the way I want. It’s not panic, but a dulled down version of panic. The new learning of the day is I’ve never been a person to panic. That’s rarely, if ever, a reaction I have. I realize that in the past I couldn’t actually panic because then there’d be no control over the situation I already have no control over. I can keep from panicking, but I can’t seem to let the dulled down reaction go either. Of course, the bigger issue is that I don’t actually have control over anything and I’m in the process of letting the ego’s control go and learning to go with the flow of life. Another tiny layer of the onion can now fall away as I see the dulled down panic as a control defense.
(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore
One of the airport gardensMore airport gardensAt the airport – yay!
Mochi Series – Picture 1 – packaged for airplaneMochi Series – Picture 2 – Add the syrupMochi Series – Picture 3 – Add the nutsMochi Series – Picture 4 – EatI have no idea – just found it at a coffee shop
Rraine Drops 