Brain Fog

On January 19, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, Uncategorized2 Comments

Well, I woke up this morning with the words”I don’t want to” on my lips……again. I put off getting out of bed and moved so slowly that I was almost late for school. But, I only have about 2 blocks to walk so it’s hard to be late. One of the other teachers saw me walking and gave me a ride on her motorbike so I was actually early.

I missed my first class today only because I hadn’t received my schedule yet. I taught 3 other classes. I just went through basic introductions – how are you, what is your name, what do you like, etc. It went well for the younger class, but was way too easy for the older classes. I have a bunch more classes this week that are older so I have to figure out how to make it more interesting for them. They are all so shy. It’s very difficult to get some of them to speak and some won’t speak loud enough for you to hear them.

Pat brought me lunch today. It was vegetables and…..you guessed it…..rice. After lunch, I felt the brain fog again that I have been feeling a lot lately. I don’t think it’s just all the new information, culture, language, etc. I think it’s the food. I’m use to eating mostly fruits and vegetables. Now, there are fruits and vegetables, but not much – it’s mostly starch.

I found out that tomorrow I have the class I taught on Monday, again. So, tonight I am trying to come up with a new lesson for them. I really want to be doing something else.

After school, Pat and her husband took me to the night market that happens on Tuesdays and Fridays. There were so many wonderful things. There were also some things I’m pretty sure I’m never going to try to eat. I’m looking forward to having a kitchen so I can go back to the market and buy vegetables! But, I don’t have a table or gas for the stove or a refrigerator so it will have to wait. I got a lot of strange stares for sure. If I wai to the people I see, they stop looking so judgmental and smile and wai back. Then I’m not so scary. They put fabric up between the food stalls to keep out the sun. They were meant for Thai people, not tall foreigners. I had to duck 90% of the time there.

I got home and a table, some chairs and a desk were sitting in front of my door. Yay! Now I can get the little bit of food I have up off the floor onto the table. And I can prepare food in the future on it.

I was just about to post this when I heard a bunch of giggling and “Teacher Rraine” downstairs. I went down and there were 6 students standing there. They gave me milk and pork flavored chips. They asked me a few questions in English, but it was mostly giggling since they are quite shy to speak English.

Now I have lots of instant noodles and a ridiculous amount of milk. Hmmmmm…..should I mix the noodles with the milk?

20160119_162302 — Yay Veggies! I’ll be back for you next week!

20160119_080210 — Students gathering for assembly

20160119_201537 — My new desk and chairs

20160119_163303 — OMG – These are green beans

First Day

On January 18, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, Uncategorized1 Comment

What a long strange day. I was asked to do a speech before the entire school this morning. They said keep it short, a few sentences. I did and they they said, so short?

I taught a half a class. Then the teacher, Pat, who has been helping me took me to the cell phone store because my phone isn’t working. It turns out that the sim card I have won’t work in this area of the country so I had to get a new one (with a different company). It’s working now.

It’s sports day at the school so when we went back the students were all playing sports and there were no classes. Pat took me to get noodles for lunch. So, now it’s 10:30 am and I’m carrying around soup in a bag in a bag. Everything in Thailand is in a bag with another bag to carry that bag in. She tells me to go sit with Mae, another teacher. So I do. Mae then takes me to watch Wallyball (I’ll need to work on W and V apparently). After that she takes me to the library and gives me a book about the king written in English. She basically doesn’t know what to do with me. After awhile, Pat comes and gets me and brings me a bowl and spoon for my soup. So, I eat lunch even though I am so sick and tired of noodles and rice that I just have lost interest in eating. Then I meet with the School director and sign a ton of papers and my contract. Then we go to find out what my teaching schedule will be, but no one knows. One of the other teachers brings me a rice cooker. Oh yea – now I can make my own rice. She also gives me a small purse like bag because they all think my backpack is too big. There is no way I can put school things in that small bag. They take pictures of me as they are giving me the rice cooker and the bag. Then I get a copy of their text books so I can look at the type of stuff they have been learning in English. This will be helpful for later on. Now they are asking me if I will teach math and science. And will I teach the teachers after school? I don’t want to teach math and science, but have no issue teaching English to the teachers. There is supposed to be a closing assembly every day, but it was canceled for spots day so I go home a little early.

Tomorrow I am supposed to teach 4 classes. Wish me luck.

I get home and just want to take a nap. They tried to put a hot water thing in for my shower, but the water pressure is too low for it to work right. When I get home, the guy trying it was just leaving. I decide that a shower while it’s still warm outside is a good idea vs trying to take a cold shower once it’s cooler outside. It’s been very cool here in the evenings and very warm, but tolerable during the day.

I haven’t finished drying off when I hear my name being called. I throw on clothes and see who is at the door. It’s teacher Noi. She brought over the rice cooker that I wasn’t able to take with me earlier. She wants to know if she can help me in any way. I have no idea. She asks if I want to go for noodles for dinner. Oh god, no, I don’t. I tried gracefully to back out, but it was never going to work. I know that if a Thai invites you somewhere, you just have to go. No is not the correct answer. So I agreed. She drove me up to the dam which I hadn’t seen yet. We live near the largest dam in Thailand. We hung out there for awhile. Then she took me through a couple villages and took me to dinner. I haven’t paid for a meal since I got here. Most western teachers get a Thai mom at some point – someone who decides they want to take care of the foreigner. It’s not a set thing, it just happens. At one point she told me she was 53 and asked if I was sister. I told her I was 46 and she smiled and said “sister”. So, it appears that I don’t have a Thai mom, but a Thai sister.

I know that culture shock has set in and I’m depressed and wondering why I ever thought this was a good idea. So, I just have to try to learn Thai and say yes to invites and get involved or the culture shock will just be more painful for longer.

I am exhausted and my brain is foggy. I don’t feel clear and I’m having trouble remembering things. Granted, there’s a lot to remember. But, I’m thinking that the change in my diet is part of why I feel so foggy. I not getting nearly the same amount of vitamins I use to get when I ate mostly fruits and vegetables. Now, it’s mostly rice and noodles with a small amount of veggies.

At this moment, there is a wild band of pissed off wasps trying to get through the bug screen. If I turn the light off, they go away, but then I can’t see anything. It’s the most annoying noise. I didn’t get a nap so I’m going to bed. Enjoy the pictures of the day:

20160118_115840 — Thai fruit that tastes like an apple with a bad aftertaste

20160118_172729 20160118_172956 20160118_173056

20160118_173120 — Kids from my school practicing rowing

20160118_173142 20160118_173159

20160118_173242 — There’s a big mountain bike race that happens here every year

20160118_175618 20160118_175625 20160118_175809 20160118_180046

Sam Ngao

On January 17, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I moved. Friday we graduated. It feels too fast. Friday night we all went out for drinks. Wow, partying with 23 year olds is kind of boring. Who knew? Part way through the evening, I just decided to wander the bar and find someone else to talk to. I met Alan. He was drunk, but funny. Annalise, one of my housemates, Alan and I hung out and went to hear a live Thai band that played hard rock. The singer could really belt it out. Quite amazing. Eventually we met up with the rest of the group. A fight broke out in the bar (not people in my group) and someone got stabbed. This was the point where some of us decided it was a good time to go home.

I got about 3 hours of sleep and then got up to get on a van at 5:30am heading to Bangkok. Three other teachers were with me as all four of us have the same school agent. In Bangkok we had to get on a bus. The bus station was confusing and I had to drag my giant suitcases all over the place, but we managed to find the right bus. Then an 8 hour bus ride to Sukohthai. One of our agents picked us up at the bus station and took us back to their house. Everyone that lives on their street is family. The entire family bought all the land and built houses on this one street. At the end are some apartments where the agent’s teachers live. We met some of the other Western teachers. The three girls I was traveling with will be living there and teaching in Sukohthai.

An hour or two after getting there, one of the teachers from my school and her husband came to pick me up. Patty is an English teacher at my school and will be assisting me with everything until the end of the semester. She and her husband, Adam are real nice. They took me out for dinner and then drove me to my new home a few hours from Sukohthai. We drove by the school and some students were waiting for us. They followed us to my house and helped me take my bags in. I think they were the same students that painted and cleaned up my house for me.

Most teachers have small efficiency apartments. I have a traditional Thai house. Although, they put mosquito screens on all the windows which doesn’t look completely traditional. No glass windows, just big wooden shutters. There are still lots of holes and cracks for bugs to come in so I’m just going to pretend it’s like camping. There are two rooms downstairs and a bathroom. I will use one room as a kitchen. Have no idea what to do with the other room. I have a gas stove, but no gas. I have one table not big enough to put everything on. I have dishes which I think were Patty’s. A refrigerator is supposedly coming next week. The bathroom has a flush toilet – ish. My shower doesn’t have hot water yet – next week. Upstairs, there are two bedrooms. One has a twin bed and a closet. They gave me a bug net for the bed, but I’ve given up for now on trying to get it hung up. Now the light in my room isn’t working – it should get fixed next week. I could move the bed into the empty room next door, but decided that is too much effort right now and I have a headlamp…..

Today Patty and Alan took me to Tak, the next town, which is bigger to shop at Tesco (kinda like Walmart). I got some stuff for the house. Should have gotten a bigger table for the room we will call the future kitchen. Then we went to lunch. By the time I got back this afternoon, culture shock had set in. Although Patty is an English teacher and speaks fairly good English, it’s still difficult to communicate. Not very many other people speak English. There are no other foreigners here and I was quite the topic of conversation (in Thai) everywhere we went. I’m nervous about teaching. I’m tired of eating rice and noodles. And I just want my temperpedic bed. I got depressed. I know this is part of culture shock and it’s just going to happen from time to time. I tried to nap the blues away, but that didn’t work. I unpacked most of my stuff. Then I went for a walk in town. I felt a little better walking around, but still quite low energy. Patty and Alan took me out for dinner and now I’m sitting in my dark bedroom writing this.

I start teaching tomorrow – eeeeeek! Commence ridiculous amount of photos:

20160116_220121 — My Kitchen or other room

20160116_220145 — The other other room or kitchen

20160116_220208 — Bathroom – FYI: The hole in the wall is where the shower drains to

20160117_114956 — The guy in front of us is taking a dining room table home on his moped

20160117_170449 — The front of my house where I will live for the next year

20160117_172304 — Another street in Sam Ngao

20160117_174132 — They are burning trash, leaves, grasses, and ? That’s why the sky is hazy

Last Practice Teaching Day

On January 14, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today was the last practice teaching day. We taught 4 classes by ourselves and observed 2 of our classmates teaching. I had 9-12 year olds. It wasn’t the mayhem of the first day we taught, but classroom management is still difficult for me. They liked repeating the words as I taught them. They knew a lot of the words I brought to teach. They can’t put words into a sentence to save their lives though. They lost interest at that point. About half of every class was attentive, but I could never quite get the whole class engaged. Some of the classes weren’t too bad and some were so out of control. The two classes I observed seemed to have the same issues I did – paper airplanes, cell phones, paper guns, glue, stealing things, hitting each other, talking instead of listening, leaving the classroom, drawing other things, talking to their friends…..

Tomorrow is our test and then at 6:00am on Saturday, I leave for my new home in North Thailand. I start teaching on Monday. It’s all too fast. I don’t even feel ready for the test much less the move and teaching high schoolers who probably have a low proficiency of English. It should make for some interesting blogs though.

I don’t have pictures from today, but I have a couple that are interesting:

20160113_184604_resized — The polite way to greet people is with a wai – Even Ronald knows how to wai.

20160114_161558_resized — This is a little market that is nicely decorated and Thais go here just to take pictures in front for the novelty of it. So, we thought we’d join in and take a picture too.

20160114_180019_resized — No dryers = laundry living room

Drum Roll……

On January 12, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, Uncategorized2 Comments

Today I got my placement. I will be leaving Saturday morning and I start teaching for real on Monday! Eeeeeeek. Who’s idea was this? I’m going to North Thailand. I will be in a rural town named Sam Ngao teaching high school age. I will have classes of 40 to 50 kids – whoa. I will be signing a year contract. It’s mountainous and supposedly very beautiful. Since it’s near Myanmar and many hill tribe areas, it will be a cultural mix influenced by Burma, hill tribes and Thai. I will have traditional Thai accommodations which I think means I will have a squat toilet and probably won’t have hot water. I should have wifi and air conditioning in at least one room. We’ll see.

I will be the first Western teacher in the town. The town is so excited to be getting a Western teacher that they are already painting a house for me. I’m not quite sure what that will look like, but it sounds like a big deal. I will be paid 30,000 baht per month which is standard for a Western teacher. Plus they are paying for my accommodation which is a bonus. Western teachers get paid a lot more than Thai teachers. The Thai teachers may teach English reading and grammar, but they want us to teach speaking so that they have the correct pronunciations. Usually, the school can’t afford the Western teacher’s salary so the parents pay to make up the difference.

I was hoping for a small town or rural. I was hoping for either the mountains or the beach. I’m excited and terrified at the same time. I look forward to a slower paced lifestyle and being part of a smaller town where I will be immersed in the different culture. It’s scary, but this sounds exactly like what I asked the universe for. Now, if only, I can get better at lesson plans and teaching. I need to step up my Thai language learning too.

I did a google search and found pictures of mountain bikers so some sort of bike race took place there or near there. There are also pictures of a large dam. It’s near the largest lake in Thailand and near a river. I can’t quite tell, but I think most of the pictures I found are of the District and not the Town, but still…… Stay tuned and I’ll add pictures when I get there.

https://www.google.co.th/maps/place/Sam+Ngao,+Sam+Ngao+District,+Tak/@17.2005956,98.9653405,12z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x30dc2e6b49525fcd:0x40346c5fa8bd0d0

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Ngao_District

Speed Up

On January 7, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, Thailand, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today we discussed our experiences teaching yesterday. Wow, some of the stories I heard from others topped mine. There were kids fighting, lighting things on fire, and kids making shanks out of razor blades. What?

We found out today that they have placement for all of us, but only a few people found out what their placement is. I still don’t know mine. Hopefully I will know tomorrow. We are supposed to have two more weeks of TESOL class, but found out today that some of us will be leaving next week for our placements. Oh crap. I’m not ready.

We had homework again tonight. It took us about 3 hours to create our lesson plan for tomorrow. I feel like when I get to my school, all I will be doing is teaching, creating lesson plans and sleeping.

I discovered the most wonderful drink tonight. Taro Milk.

I didn’t take very many pictures today and they have nothing to do with what I’ve written above. But, here they are anyway.

20160107_083532_resized — Ice Delivery Truck

20160107_162531_resized — Omelet over Rice (of course)

20160107_195922_resized — Mochi Balls (ice cream inside mochi)

OMFG

On January 6, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn Teaching, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Wow. I got up this morning and didn’t feel nervous about my first day teaching. I didn’t feel excited either. I have no doubt I can do this. We were supposed to teach 6 middle school classes – the same English lesson plan. We are teaching in pairs which is part of why I didn’t feel nervous. This won’t be our final school. It’s just one day and it will be good practice. School starts with all the kids in lines per their age/grade in the front yard of the school. They had a band which I was quite impressed with. They were better than any middle school band I’ve ever heard. They raised the flag, did the national anthem, and then sang a bunch of other songs. Then a couple teachers spoke to the group. I teared up a few times as it started to hit home that I would be doing this every day in the very near future.

Then we were told that since the assembly went so quickly that we would do 4 classes before lunch instead of 3. We went to our first class. They did ok with the vocabulary words, but putting them into sentences didn’t go as smoothly. They were not too interested in learning English. We had some fun games for them to play. There are a few students who are the top students and this was easy for them and then there were kids at the opposite end of the spectrum. It was so difficult to keep their attention. One second, you had it, the next was total chaos. Each class was the same – some learning, but more time spent trying to get their attention.

After, 3 classes, they left for lunch even though we had been told 4 classes before lunch. Then they told us 2 classes after lunch. Apparently, nothing ever goes as planned or as you are told it will go. I want to learn to go with the flow of life? Ok, here it is. I felt ok at lunch and felt like two more classes would be ok, but I can’t say I was having fun or enjoying myself. So far, this is not my idea of a fun job. It’s just the first day and I know that where I get placed in the future may be very different.

We got back and there were only a few kids in our class. They told us no more class for the day. Huh? Then the teachers told us our grade was done for the day so I went and watched another teacher pair. They seemed to be having similar issues to what we had. Then our last class of the day – mayhem. They didn’t get the opening activity we did. They were all over the classroom. Half of them participated. The other half didn’t. Everything we did to get their attention failed. Then a half hour in, they started packing up their bags and putting their chairs on their desks, telling us class was over when it wasn’t. I felt completely useless. Another one of the teacher pairs ran in and helped us corral them, but it was difficult even after that. Total chaos.

It was hot and we have to wear pretty conservative clothes. It wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated, but I was soaked by the end of the day and sooooo ready for a cold shower. Still, this is “winter” so come June, whoa.

If I end up with a class like this, I feel I won’t last a week in my job. Some of the other teachers commented that they had fun today. I didn’t think today was horrible, but I didn’t find it fun either. Do I need to re evaluate my idea of fun? What did I expect? What do I wish it was like instead? I expected this, but not quite as unruly. I’m not judging myself. I did my best and my best didn’t quite cut it so I have some work to do learning classroom management. I realize I wouldn’t want to sit in language classes all day either. I think what I want is to teach those that want to learn. I feel like they won’t retain or use anything they learned today which feels a bit like a waste of time. Of course this day was as much for our learning as theirs. I learned I need to work on classroom management. I feel this isn’t the job for me, but I’m here and this is what I’m doing so I might as well learn something. I feel that I’ve come a long way with self judgments as I don’t feel an emotional charge to how the day went. I am a bit nervous about going off to some school by myself in the very near future. Wish I had more pictures to share, but that was one thing too many for me. I’m sure there will be more in the future.

20160106_075632_resized

Jello

On January 5, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today was a roller coaster of “I don’t want to do this”. and “It’ll be ok”. We went over our lesson plans for tomorrow. Tomorrow we are teaching all day at a school – 6 classes. We are in pairs and each pair will be teaching the lesson plan we created last night to each of the classes we are assigned to. I’m not excited to do this, but I am curious about how I will feel about teaching after a full day of it.

Tonight after dinner, I thought I’d try something different so I ordered a caramel tea with milk pudding. I had no idea what that meant and I’m still not quite sure. I tasted like iced tea with caramel sauce in it. It was milky too. Then at the bottom were large ice cube sized chunks of super sweet gooey gelatinous stuff. It was drinkable, but overall, it was just wrong. I will not order that again. I’ve had ice cream inside mochi – mochi ball – I’d highly recommend this gelatin delight. One night I had what looked like deep fried broccoli. Nope. It was deep fried something with the flavor of garlic and scallions. I called it gummy scallions. It was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever had, but I’d do it again. There are all sorts of gummy candies. They put black jello on rice and call it dessert. There’s boba tea and then all sorts of versions of drink that resemble that, but are not quite that. What is this fascination Thais have with gelatin?

Had a great lunch today at a cute place that had bull dogs running around the restaurant. I’m sure it’s sanitary. Nothing gelatinous there. One of the bulldogs came running up to me and gave me his toy. Then he jumped up in my lap and demanded attention. When I went to give my camera to a friend to take a picture, he then started barking at me and growling. I think maybe it was a cat in a bull dog body.

Slightly Better

On January 4, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

We did our first lessons in class today. I didn’t die. I didn’t fail. So, I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I don’t feel excited about it and I don’t feel like this is the job for me, but at least I’m pretty sure I can do it. I still haven’t identified why this is feeling so dire. I know the emotional level is much higher than the actual situation warrants. This usually means the situation is tapping into a deeper issue I haven’t resolved yet. I’m too exhausted right now to investigate into that….. But, rest assured, I will be ok and somewhere along the line, I’ll enjoy this again.

Whose Idea was This?

On January 3, 2016July 24, 2016 By rrainefioreIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Today we started our TESOL class. We talked about styles of teaching and lesson plans. For homework, we were broken into groups and had to create a lesson plan that we will present tomorrow. It was all so new to me and it just feels impossible. It took our group all evening to do the lesson plan which just made me feel worse, if worse was even possible. The feeling of “Where’s the Undo Button” came up again. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be a teacher. Worse yet, I won’t be able to do it. I’m just going to fail miserably. I want to run away and I can’t go anywhere. I can’t undo this decision. Yesterday, I was excited about this. Today, I’m frozen in my tracks. I tried going to my room to scream and cry and it helped a little, but I still feel completely incapable. I want to do something to alleviate how uncomfortable this feels, but there is nothing I can do. The cognitive side of my brain knows I’ll be fine, I can do this. But, the inadequate feelings are not going away just because I know this is stupid. I’d like to wrap this blog up in a pretty package with pictures, lessons learned, and a big smile on my face, but I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

	eaglegenuinec87d1476… on Going Home
	delicately4f6d967f14 on Going Home
	delicately4f6d967f14 on Icebergs
	delicately4f6d967f14 on ATV Tour
	eaglegenuinec87d1476… on Kluane

Rraine Drops

Tag: What Have I done?