Some Excitement

A little bit of excitement today.  I got my last vaccination injection today – Yay that’s over.  Ok, it’s not quite over.  I still have to do the Typhoid Fever  vaccination, but it’s a pill, not a shot so I’m not counting it in this small milestone.

Even more exciting.  I got my Thai Visa today!!!

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

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I put posts on various facebook pages today about trying to sell or rent my house.  I got a lot of interest.  Wouldn’t it be funny if I sold my house through facebook instead of through the MLS?

Car Mafia

Car Match found a driver for my car.  It’s basically a lease to own situation.  I got all the paperwork last night, but some of it was wrong.  The revised paperwork was in my email this morning.  But before I could even check my email, I got a call from a demanding woman with a heavy accent.  She was wanting to pick up my car today.  Whoa, what a painful way to start my morning.  I told her that the paperwork wasn’t done and the gps tracker wasn’t in the car yet.  She was angry.  I have to install a gps tracker in the car and they were supposed to overnight it to me.  I couldn’t stay at home because there were showings all day.  So, I’m sitting at a coffee shop and having trouble connecting to the internet.  I called my friend, Ed, who told me I could borrow a company truck.  He said to just go in the office and tell the receptionist I was the one he had told her about.  I called her and she said she thought I was no longer borrowing one and she couldn’t give me one until she talked to Ed.  Neither one of us could get a hold of him.  Hours later, I finally get the car paperwork signed.  The demanding woman called me again to pick up the car – now.  I told her I couldn’t give it up until I had the gps tracker.  Then I got to go to a meeting that took me an hours and a half to get to, but the meeting only lasted 5 minutes.  By now I’m overwhelmed, frustrated and just tired.  Car Match called me to tell me the gps tracker is at my house.  It’s too late in the day to go home and get it.  The snow is starting to fall, it’s rush hour and Katie and Travis are throwing a going away party for me shortly.  The guy at Car Match was quite unhappy that I wasn’t going to go home and get it.  The demanding woman calls again stating she has to pick the car up today.  I wasn’t very nice this time.  I tried to reschedule for Saturday or Monday, but she said no and hung up on me.  Now I’m sure I’m dealing with the mafia and they are going to come drag me out of my car and cut off a finger to remind me not to mess with them.  Then they are going to leave me on the side of the highway in the snow with 5 bags of stuff from my car.  Because, you know, the mafia lets you keep your personal belongings after they cut off body parts.  Then I left ridiculous voice mails for the Car Match guys and went and crawled in Katie’s bed and cried until they came home.  It took a long time to let it go, but the frustration passed.  Having a party with friends helped.  Plus, I didn’t put the gps tracker in yet, so the mafia doesn’t know where I am…….

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

The previous person that was interested in renting my place backed out. Today, I got an offer for rental of the house for 2 years at a monthly rent that will not cover my mortgage.  Is this progress?  So frustrated.  I dropped the price of the house.  Let’s see if that works.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Ok this is scary.  I’m putting my passport in an envelope and entrusting it to the USPS.  I’m sending it off to the Royal Thai Consulate in Portland Oregon to request my Non Immigrant B Visa.  Apparently other Thai Consulates in the US don’t like to give out visas and deny most of them for little to no reason.  I think I’m not going to Antarctica.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

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My half-sister, Carly came over to help me pack today.  It was nice to spend time with her.  I posted on facebook that I needed help packing.  She responded yes and my friend CJ responded that she couldn’t, but wished she could.  My other friend Cynthia came over when I first put the house on the market and helped.  I find it interesting that if I put up a negative post, a lot of people comment.  If I put up a picture of a fox in my yard, it gets hundreds of ‘likes’.  If I ask for help, I get 3 responses.  What does this say about me, my friends, facebook?  I blame facebook.

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I might have a renter for the house.  I’m waiting to hear for sure.  Panic, no excitement, no panic.  Dread over the things that have to be done (pack up, move, find a new place to live, change my address, blah blah, blah).  Oh, more panic.  Wait… Yay!  It’s happening.  Well, something’s happening.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

I went to the dentist today.  I might have a cracked tooth.  The dentist said it was probably a hair line crack.  He thought he could see it, but it didn’t show up on an xray.  Apparently there is nothing that can be done until it gets worse.  Huh?  Who knew?  This is new to me.  I don’t remember ever having a bad dentist experience and I don’t feel anxious about going, but the whole time they are working in my mouth, my entire body is tense – especially clenched fists.  I’d notice it and tell myself to relax and then a minute later it’s back.  The bill hurts far more than anything they physically do.  I’ve had two knee surgeries and sinus surgery without being able to take pain meds after.  Why does a dental cleaning make my body act like it’s terrified?  Is it the collective fear that most people have of the dentist?  Did something bad happen that I don’t remember?

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

 

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Enough of this stuck I can’t make decisions place.  This needs to be worked through.  I’m calling for help. I had a session with my coach on how stuck I feel and how I’m not quite on board with a life where I never know what’s next.  I don’t like it.  He asked me to ground and get in touch with my passion for going to Antarctica.  I couldn’t find it.  Then process came up and I cried (I usually cry).  What came up for me is that all I want is to be married and stay at home and make art out of my my studio.  I just want to create and make things, not have to worry about where the money will come from.  Oh, so I want the feminine flow side of life without the worry of the male purpose.  Whoa.  If you look at this decision from the male/female energy perspective, I am trying to decide between the very masculine Antarctica option and the very feminine teaching in Thailand option.  Hmmmmm……  Ok, unstuck, carry on.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

I got home late last night and was so delighted to be home alone in my very quiet house.  This morning I got up and felt overwhelmed with everything that still has to be done to leave and I felt totally and completely alone, lonely.  How can alone be wonderful last night and feel devastating today?  I’ve been single for 11 years and it’s not what I want, yet, now I feel like I am actively choosing it.  I cried a lot today.  Some of it was my friend’s stuff that I was carrying after visiting them.  Some of it is because I just feel beat up with all the last minute Antarctica stuff.  I have lost the ability to make decisions.  I can’t pack or research because I don’t know where I’m going.  I don’t know if I am selling or renting my house.  I am stuck.  I had so much trouble working today or doing anything for that matter.  Because one major decision can’t be made, my ability to make any decision is lost.  This is very uncomfortable.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

I’m on a plane to go visit Zachery.  On the way to the airport Wendy asked if I was nervous about seeing him.  I’m not.  I do feel uncertainty though.  I’ve been trying to keep in touch with him since Burning Man, but I feel he’s not as invested as I am.  I am wondering if I should have just skipped the plane ticket and time off work.  I still want to see him in his natural habitat and spend some more time with him.  I am hoping to get a better idea if I am spending my time wisely trying to learn more about him or if I should set my attention elsewhere.  No matter what I find out, I know that it will be nice to relax and spend time with him.  He is a huge part of why I feel loveable and if that is all this is, then that is still huge.  I once again believe there are men that are kind, thoughtful, fun and loving.  And I once again believe that one of them will want to be with me.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore