Yesterday I got up and it was chilly.  It has been chilly most mornings and by mid day I’m sweating, so I didn’t think much of it.  It never got warmer.  By noon, I could barely feel my fingers.  Most of the students didn’t bring long sleeves and were running around in shorts.  They were miserable.  My tolerance for cold is much higher and I was quite unhappy.

I had two older classes that were fun.  Did I say that?  They were the 16-17 year olds (Matthayom 5).  They were at least 3 levels better with their English than the grade below them.  In each class I take pictures with the hope that a teacher will help me in the future with names.  They all love taking photos.  The M5s were not only excited to take pictures, but they wanted me to post them on facebook.  Then the second M5 class made me sing.  A few of them got up and sang their favorite songs too.  They have amazing voices.  I’m going to have to find songs to incorporate with their lessons.

I got home and was so cold.  I made dinner and crawled into bed.  A concrete house is cold.  I set up a new facebook account so I don’t have to share my current one with the students – I just don’t believe in crossing that line and there are too many photos I’d have to delete or filter.  I now have 85 friends on my new facebook account.  So, I posted some travel photos and photos from home too.  I think I’m going to start posting English stuff too, not sure what, maybe tongue twisters or famous quotes.  It was so cold that I went to sleep early only because my hands were too cold being outside the covers.  Thank god I’m a good little girl scout – I brought a small sleeping bag with me from home – small, but better than no extra blanket.  I also slept with my down jacket on.

Today I didn’t want to get up for anything.  This was one of the hardest mornings yet.  It was pouring rain and colder than yesterday.  I don’t want to be a teacher.  Who’s idea was this?  I did go, mostly because I’m stuck here with no way to leave.  I wore my down jacket most of the day.  It was 52 degrees most of the day.  At least the kids were slightly better dressed, but I felt so bad for them.  Today’s classes weren’t as much fun, but seemed to go ok.

I got home and decided to go do laundry even though that sounded like the coldest, dumbest thing I could do.  Actually, the clothes felt warm when they were done.  I wanted to crawl in the washer and turn it back on.  They don’t have dryers here so it’s all hanging in my laundry room.  I have 4 rooms – one has my “kitchen” and desk.  One is a bed room.  The other bedroom is empty and now the 4th room is my laundry room.  Hopefully, by Friday, my clothes might be dry.

As laundry was happening I read some AH Almaas.  I don’t know how he does it, but a long time ago, he wrote a chapter that I was supposed to read exactly when I did.  It always feels like he just wrote that chapter an hour before I read it.  Tonight’s chapter was Chapter 10 of Diamond Heart Book 4.  “We will talk today about a perspective that will help you to be nicer to yourselves in doing your work, and not push yourselves too hard.  The Work we are engaged in is not easy; in fact, it is very difficult, more difficult even than you know yet”.  “To be a student in this Work, you need these two motivations – love and compassion – from beginning to end.  This is very tough work.  To do the Work with love and compassion means to appreciate that this process is tough; it is an almost impossible task we are undertaking.  So it is best not to give yourself a hard time about it.  You need to learn to be patient, to not judge or criticize yourself when things do not happen the way you think they should”.  “It is not useful to look at yourself from one day or one week to the next and make a judgement”.  “This is not being kind to yourself.  You are not taking the nature of the task into consideration.  If you want to consider changes, or improvement, you need to not look from one week to the next, but consider a span of several years”.

So, I’m frozen, so off to bed to hide from the cold.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore