It rained and cooled down last night.  What a relief to be able to sleep.  I was able to sleep until 7:00am and toss and turn and complain until 8:30am.  Even though I was complaining, I was grateful that it wasn’t too hot and I could lay in bed and complain until 8:30.  I swept my bedroom floor this morning.  Even though it was cleaned the other day, it’s a disaster again – lots of bugs and mouse poop.  I swept the rest of the house too – same thing.  I just might have to sweep every day.

I worked on lesson plans at school.  I don’t like doing lesson plans especially when I have no curriculum or any idea what they are learning in the rest of their English classes.  I feel so unprepared and unqualified for this job.  The main office has air conditioning.  It doesn’t work real well, but my house is uninhabitable during the day so it was great.  I was there most of the day and got hardly anything done.  I don’t know what happened.  I feel like that most days.  Nothing gets done and I don’t know where the day went.  I think I move slower in the heat?  Maybe?  I blame the heat.

I went to the pool with Tip and her kids tonight.  Yay!  A pool!  You have to pay to get in the pool and the water was very warm, but I was covered in water so I don’t care.  I definately felt out of place as most people just stared at me and no one really smiled.  The pool is at the hotel.  We ate at the hotel restaurant after.  It reminded me of Laura, the missionary that use to live here.  She liked to eat at that restaurant.  I miss her.  My salad had lots of dead ants in it.  I picked out a ton before I just gave up and decided I wasn’t very hungry.  Tip asked what I was doing and I showed her the ants.  She didn’t seem too affected by it.  On the way home Tip asked how much money I make.  I wish I hadn’t told her.  I make more than a dentist makes.  Now I feel uncomfortable.

Several times today and quite a few times in the past I have heard scurrying sounds in my walls.  The janitor didn’t come to fix the rest of the holes today.  I know a mouse or tokay or both are living in the walls.  I don’t like this.  It’s ridiculously hot in my house so my only option is to sit in my bed with the fan on.  The fan only helps slightly.  It’s blowing very hot air on me, but I think that’s still better than no air flow.  I’m told if I want air conditioning I have to pay half.  I have no issue with that, but I wonder how long it will take to get it bought and installed.  I was told they have to fix the school cafeteria first.  I have no idea what that means.  I wish I had just agreed to it two months ago.  Maybe it would already be installed.  I don’t know what I was thinking, thinking I might be able to handle it with out air conditioning.

I have now shook out my sheets 3 times tonight.  I’m in the bug net, but my sheets are covered in bugs.  I suppose I’m covered in bugs.  I swept the bedroom floor again, but to no avail – the bottoms of my feet are now caked with dead bugs.

The company that is leasing my car is not making the car payments. This is ruining my credit.  The guy renting my house says he wants to buy it, but hasn’t made an offer so I need to decide if I’m putting it on the market or not.  I feel trapped.  If I come back to Colorado at the end of a year, I won’t be able to buy a car and I won’t have a house or I’ll have a house I can’t afford the payments on.  I’m having trouble seeing how this is all going to be ok.  I’m sure this is part of the lesson of learning to trust life and go with the flow of life, but it’s difficult to trust when all of this is going on.

I’m having a real hard time staying present and non-judgmental.  This whole blog feels like a pity party, but that’s part of writing an honest blog.  I’ve been thinking a lot today about how much I’ve taken for granted living in America.  I know somewhere I’m learning and this is all part of awakening, but I’m not loving what is today.  I just feel broken.  Broken, sweaty and covered in bugs.

(c) All rights reserved Kimberly Fiore