Tag: rrainedrops

Fantastic

On By rrainefioreIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

12310008_10153301610161094_6910257995001238676_o20151212_234140_resizedWhoa, What a roller coaster of a night.  Every year the Fantastic Hosts put on a holiday party that is the best party of the year.  Every year I hope that I will have a date to bring.  Every year, I’m dressing up and going solo.   This year I decided to take a date, a guy I’ve known for years.  We’ve dated a couple times, but it never worked out because he would stand me up or say he’d do something and then flake or just stop calling altogether.  However, whenever he does show up, he is delightful.  He’s so much fun and is really present with me in person.   I told him this party was a big deal for me.  He spent weeks not giving me a straight yes or no.  Then finally he confirmed and for some odd reason, I thought he might actually do what he said he would.  But, around 8:00 pm I find out that he’s still working and needs to work again first thing in the morning and therefore is going to the party.  He tried to call it off by text instead picking up the phone to call me.  Eventually we did talk on the phone.  I tried to be understanding.  I wouldn’t want to be working on a Saturday night only to have to go work again the next morning either.  At the end of it all, though, I just felt unimportant and disappointed.

So, I head off to the party with some friends and no date.  We get to party hours later than I had hoped.  I’m trying real hard to have a good time, but can’t quite shake the disappointment.  I decide to skip being sober for the night.  Just about the time I’m beginning to not care that my date, who has a history of disappearing, didn’t show and I was stupid enough to be the one to invite him, the party is over.  Well, at least there was an after party to go to because I was in no shape to be driving.  Plus, a lot of my friends will be there and it will be nice to spend some time with them.

At some point in the evening, I was propositioned by 3 different guy friends.  Where the hell have you guys been in the past few months, or past few years?  Why now?  I go to every event single and no one hits on me.  My actual date for the evening doesn’t want me, but everyone else does.  Is it because I’m leaving the country.  I didn’t suddenly become prettier or funnier or smarter.  It makes my head spin.

So, as you are reading this, you may be thinking that’s a crappy night (or you may be thinking, stop whining).  But wait – this is where it gets crappy.  It’s the wee hours of the night and I’m having trouble putting words together.  I can barely stand.  Then my heart is racing so fast I’m afraid I’ll have a heart attack.  All my muscles start to spasm.  Then the hallucinations start – fractals and swirling colors.  It was quite scary. However, a part of me was still aware and I could see that people were noticing, watching me and making sure I was ok.   I felt terrified and well taken care of all at the same time.

One of my friends, Tim, sat with me for hours and held me and poured love my way.  Waves of crying came, most of it was terror.  I’ve been locking down on the terror I feel over shutting down my life here to move away from everything that is familiar and comfortable.  With each wave I felt my heart relax a tiny bit.  As the sky became lighter outside, I started to feel like I was going to make it.  I was still quite messed up, but able to have a conversation.  What a strange way to bond and get to know someone better, but I’m grateful for this beautiful man who stuck it out with me until mid morning.

I slept for a few hours.  I’ve been up for about an hour now and huge shivers and chills are running through my body.  Even thought I’m so much better, it’s not over.  The alarm on my phone goes off to tell me I need to take the next Typhoid Fever pill.  I’m half way through the week long course of the vaccination.  Holy Shit! I have been trying to figure out what went so wrong.  Is this why?  Did the Typhoid Fever vaccination have a bad reaction with other things?  Stress + pent up fear + typhoid + alcohol + what ever I ate + my date canceling + etc = scary trip.   Scary night + wonderful people = bonding + gratitude.  So, maybe it was a fantastic night after all.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Elk Traffic Jam

On By rrainefioreIn Beautiful ColoradoLeave a comment

One of the most amazing things about living in Colorado, especially in the mountains, is the wildlife.  It is not uncommon to have traffic back up in Evergreen due to a herd of elk or deer trying to cross the road.  I have no issue being late because I had to wait to watch this happen.  It happened today and I just felt so grateful for getting to stop and watch them.  This is probably my last elk traffic jam before I leave.  I wonder if there will be monkey traffic jams in Thailand?

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

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Money Problems

On By rrainefioreIn Moving PrepLeave a comment

I have so much debt from the years where there was no engineering work and I was dealing cards.  I’ve been trying to pay it off, but didn’t get very far.  Now with class fees, vaccinations, other doctor’s visits (thanks Obama Care for the most expensive health year where I’m actually the healthiest I’ve ever been), plane tickets, and not working full time, that debt has gone up.  I’m very uncomfortable with the amount of debt and am terrified that I won’t be able to afford the minimum credit card payments when I’m in Thailand.

This taps into every fear I have.  Money equals safety to me on some level.  I’ve been losing a lot of sleep over this.  I wake up every morning screaming.  Some mornings I wake up at 5:00am – I am not a morning person and I don’t like being awake at 5:00am.  This brings on more screaming.

I’m trying to trust that life will provide and that the money will come when it’s needed.  I guess that I don’t quite trust it yet.  I don’t see where it can possibly come from.  I thought about gambling.  I got here partially from working on the other side of a black jack table.  It would be poetic to win it all back from a black jack table.  I haven’t gone to the casinos though and I know I’m not willing to put the amount of money on the table that would give me the chance to win anything significant.  The chance to lose significantly is too big.  If the house sold, that would do it, but it didn’t.  I’ve been selling things on creigslist, but I don’t have anything worth what I need.  My family isn’t wealthy.  The only thing I see that is possible is to win the lottery.  I’ve tried and that plan isn’t real solid.  Seeing as I can’t even get a date, the “marry a rich man” plan isn’t an option either.

So, I spoke with my financial adviser yesterday and he suggested I get a home equity line of credit.  He said it should take about 5 days.  Oh, duh, great idea.  It won’t get rid of the debt like winning the lottery would, but it would get it into a lower interest rate and make it more manageable.  Between yesterday and today I called about 10 banks.  They all said it would take about 3-4 weeks.  I won’t be here in 4 weeks and all of them need you to sign the paperwork in person.  I feel like I’ve been lying for two days because the line of credit will be based on my home and my job, both of which I know are changing.  I haven’t been exactly lying, but it still feels like it and I just feel horrible and beat up.  Still, today I dropped off all my paperwork to a bank that said they would try to get it all approved before Christmas.

Come on lottery!

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

House Rented

On By rrainefioreIn Moving PrepLeave a comment

Oh such relief!  I signed the paperwork to rent my house today.  I met the renter and feel very comfortable about him living in my house.  There’s a great chance he will want to buy it in six months too.  I leave for Thailand in three weeks and was feeling so overwhelmed with how I would be able to afford it.  I still have a large amount of debt that I’m not sure how to deal with, but at least the mortgage is going to be paid every month.  I’m still not excited about going only because three weeks doesn’t seem like enough time to finish getting ready, but I think I can do it!

They started a facebook group for all of us who are going to be in the January TEFL class.  I went and looked at the people that are in my class.  I am probably the oldest by 15 years.  It feels weird, but I think it’s going to be very interesting.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Where did that Lake come from?

On By rrainefioreIn Beautiful ColoradoLeave a comment

Snow! Did I mention I love snow?  Oh, yea, I think I might have mentioned that before.  I skipped work to go snowboarding today.  Financially not a wise decision, but spiritually, a fabulous decision.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  I had a very odd experience.  I’ve lived in Colorado for 18 years and have skied or snowboarded every winter as much as I can.  I’ve been to Keystone so many times I can’t count.  The first run I did today, I sat down to put on my board and then looked up.  I could see Lake Dillon off in the distance and I realized I had no idea you could see the lake from Keystone.  What on earth had I been looking at for 18 years that I missed a giant lake?  I am completely baffled and amazed.  The only thing that makes any sense and the story I’m going with is that they just put the lake there last week.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Some Excitement

On By rrainefioreIn Moving Prep, Thailand1 Comment

A little bit of excitement today.  I got my last vaccination injection today – Yay that’s over.  Ok, it’s not quite over.  I still have to do the Typhoid Fever  vaccination, but it’s a pill, not a shot so I’m not counting it in this small milestone.

Even more exciting.  I got my Thai Visa today!!!

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

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I put posts on various facebook pages today about trying to sell or rent my house.  I got a lot of interest.  Wouldn’t it be funny if I sold my house through facebook instead of through the MLS?

On By rrainefioreIn Moving Prep, UncategorizedLeave a comment

The gps tracker is now installed in the car and pick up is scheduled for Tuesday.  A different scheduler called me to set it up.  I wonder if the demanding woman quit after dealing with me on Friday.  After we verified that the gps tracker worked, I took it back out – just in case.

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore

Car Mafia

On By rrainefioreIn Moving Prep, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Car Match found a driver for my car.  It’s basically a lease to own situation.  I got all the paperwork last night, but some of it was wrong.  The revised paperwork was in my email this morning.  But before I could even check my email, I got a call from a demanding woman with a heavy accent.  She was wanting to pick up my car today.  Whoa, what a painful way to start my morning.  I told her that the paperwork wasn’t done and the gps tracker wasn’t in the car yet.  She was angry.  I have to install a gps tracker in the car and they were supposed to overnight it to me.  I couldn’t stay at home because there were showings all day.  So, I’m sitting at a coffee shop and having trouble connecting to the internet.  I called my friend, Ed, who told me I could borrow a company truck.  He said to just go in the office and tell the receptionist I was the one he had told her about.  I called her and she said she thought I was no longer borrowing one and she couldn’t give me one until she talked to Ed.  Neither one of us could get a hold of him.  Hours later, I finally get the car paperwork signed.  The demanding woman called me again to pick up the car – now.  I told her I couldn’t give it up until I had the gps tracker.  Then I got to go to a meeting that took me an hours and a half to get to, but the meeting only lasted 5 minutes.  By now I’m overwhelmed, frustrated and just tired.  Car Match called me to tell me the gps tracker is at my house.  It’s too late in the day to go home and get it.  The snow is starting to fall, it’s rush hour and Katie and Travis are throwing a going away party for me shortly.  The guy at Car Match was quite unhappy that I wasn’t going to go home and get it.  The demanding woman calls again stating she has to pick the car up today.  I wasn’t very nice this time.  I tried to reschedule for Saturday or Monday, but she said no and hung up on me.  Now I’m sure I’m dealing with the mafia and they are going to come drag me out of my car and cut off a finger to remind me not to mess with them.  Then they are going to leave me on the side of the highway in the snow with 5 bags of stuff from my car.  Because, you know, the mafia lets you keep your personal belongings after they cut off body parts.  Then I left ridiculous voice mails for the Car Match guys and went and crawled in Katie’s bed and cried until they came home.  It took a long time to let it go, but the frustration passed.  Having a party with friends helped.  Plus, I didn’t put the gps tracker in yet, so the mafia doesn’t know where I am…….

(c) all rights reserved Kimberly Fiore