Category: Uncategorized

Celery Skin (Refeeding Day 3)

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, Uncategorized, Water Fast2 Comments

I got up early to go get blood tests.  I barely slept.  I tossed and turned all night.  The “No one likes me” crap in my head is here.  The past couple of days when I’m sitting outside having my juice, no one chooses to sit with me.  They pull chairs and tables together and sit somewhere else.  When I do pull up a chair and sit with the group, I get talked over, interrupted or ignored.  Not sure why this still bothers me or how to stop it once it starts bothering me.  I’m not even sure I want to talk sometimes – the constant sharing of stories is exhausting and most of the time it isn’t real connecting.  But still, society tells me this is the way we are supposed to connect and I’m doing it wrong.  I’ve worked on it so much, but it still shows up.  I know that I’m the source of the problem and that half of it I’m just making up in my head.  I want to go home.  I want to withdraw.  It’s coming up for a reason and now that I’m no longer water fasting, my nervous system is ready to work on these type of issues.  So, I’ll work on it some more – bring it on – that’s part of why I’m here.

The blood test place opened up late and it took over an hour and a half to get blood drawn.  They had the air conditioning on arctic so my fingers were blue and I was shivering when it was my turn.  The lady drawing blood had to try three times to get a vein.  Did my veins get smaller on the fast or was my blood turning to slushie?  When I got back I had my morning juice in my room with the heat on.

I swear my skin smells like celery.  I washed my underarms 3 times today and I still smell like celery.  It’s better than BO, but just so weird.  My eczema is gone and the skin on my face actually looks pretty good and healthy.  I gained some weight although I’m still two belt sizes down.

I worked a little, read a little, napped a little, netflixed a little and drank my juices.  Not the most exciting day.  The last juice of the day didn’t go down too well.  I went up stairs to lay down and just felt flu-ish.  My stomach is gurgling a lot too.  No pretty pictures today – just my poor beat up arm from the blood draw and a new hole on my belt.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

Tacos (Refeeding Day 2)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water FastLeave a comment

I felt much better this morning even though I didn’t sleep well.  I have quite a bit more energy, surprisingly more for only having had 8 cups of juice yesterday.  I didn’t get nauseous after each juice today.  No headache.  Hallelujah.

I colored for a bit.  I read for a bit.  A few people went out to shop.  I was able to go with them although I only went in two stores.  I spent more time just sitting in the shade people watching.  It is amazing how unfit and unhealthy most people look.  So many are limping because their hips are locked down.  So many are waddling or shuffling because they are carrying around too much weight or have a bad back.  So many people eating sweets and sodas and other crap.  It was a fashion show of unhealthy.  Of course, I’m the frail looking bag of bones moving slower than an 80 year old so I kind of fit right in.

The field trip might have been too much for me.  It was exhausting, but it was nice to have a change of scenery.  There was one restaurant that was grilling up meat for what I imagined to be very delicious tacos.  I contemplated going in there and ordering 17 tacos, but I think my friends would have either tackled me or joined me in the mad rush tearing the place apart for meat.  Either way it would have been a whole scene.  Plus one taco would probably send me to the hospital when my colon got to it and said hell no.  I don’t think you are supposed to go from 4 juices straight to 17 steak tacos.

I just rested the rest of the afternoon.  I will probably do one more day of juice and then start on raw veggies (no tacos).  I have to get up early tomorrow for blood work so I think I’ll look for a movie to watch and try to go to be early.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

Refeeding (New Day 1)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water FastLeave a comment

Last night was very uncomfortable again.  Not quite as bad as the night before, but almost.  I woke up nauseous and had a headache.  This is the first headache I’ve had, that I can remember.  I feel quite over it and am excited to start juice today.

At 9:00am I got a watermelon celery juice.  I don’t like celery so I won’t be recommending this tasty treat, but celery supposedly has tons of electrolytes.  It wasn’t so bad that I had trouble drinking it though.  You are supposed to take your time drinking it, sloshing it around in your mouth so it mixes with saliva.  I felt very good drinking it, but right after, I had to go lay down and nap.  I was nauseous again and the headache got worse.  Still it was different, it felt like my stomach was complaining about having to work again.  I had intestinal cramping too, not like something was wrong, but like you could feel the intestinal muscles trying to wake up and work when they haven’t for two weeks.  I felt bad after each juice, but I just laid in bed and it went away quickly.  Then I would get hungry with a rumbly stomach, usually about a half hour before my next juice.  I had 4 juices today – two watermelon celery and two apple celery.

I didn’t actually nap, but I did lay down or drink juice most of the day.  I tried to color, but that was too much.  Reading was too much.  I was able to talk on the phone for a while with Katie so that was a real nice break from just laying there.  I watched a movie which ended up being too much.

I found out that one couple has to leave early because they overbooked the Inn.  This makes me sad.  How do you overbook?  I don’t quite know the details of it, but they have been so positive and wonderful to have around.  It’s a full house now.  There are 10+ wellness guests here now.  I feel like I’ve been holed up in my room longer than a week.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

Blah (Day 14)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water Fast3 Comments

Last night was the worst so far.   I felt hungry.  My stomach hurt and I felt like I might throw up.  I got restless leg.  No position I got in was comfortable.  Nothing I did would ease the upset stomach.  I laid in bed for hours whimpering until I finally fell asleep.

This morning I felt better, but not great.  The eczema on my face is almost gone.  Nausea is not going away.  I dropped another pound.  I had a few dizzy spells which are kind of scary.

My activities were tiny even though each one took monumental effort to do.  I sat in the sun until I got dizzy.  I looked for the King Snake, but didn’t see him.  I tried to nap.  There was about 6 hours of saw cutting today – they must have quit early because it’s Friday – ah, there’s hope for the weekend.  I went on an ice mission.  I wanted to re-watch the Despicable Me movies, but Netflix only has Despicable Me 3, not the first two.  What is wrong with Netflix?  I’m thinking of canceling Netflix.  I had a session with my awakening teacher.  That was very helpful.  Mostly I laid around and thought about doing stuff, but decided it was all too much.

As I started to feel worse in the evening again, I decided I was done.  I’m calling it.  Tomorrow I will start back on juice.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

Day 13

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I woke up too early because all my neighbors walk like elephants and then bang things and slam doors.  I opened the windows to the fresh morning sounds of jack-hammering.  Soon they quit that and moved on to saw cutting things.  It’s way less annoying than jack-hammering.  But it was still 8 hours of cutting.

I had two decent dizzy spells where I thought I might fall over or black out.  I need to really take my time standing up.  Everything I do leaves me very winded.  My weight went up today.  huh.  Nausea is now my almost constant companion.  I don’t think I’m going to make it for 18 days.  I’m not even sure I will make it through tomorrow.  The eczema on my face has almost cleared up.

I napped – kinda – in the middle of the day.  I remember as I laid there trying to sleep that my skin smell had changed again.  It was kind of like cinnamon.  When I got up from the nap it didn’t have a smell at all.  Can you dream smells?

I did a skype call with Pam.  Again, so great and helpful to connect with those I love.

I went downstairs for art therapy which was coloring.  It was nice for a bit, but an hour was more than enough time sitting upright.

Then there was some random crying throughout the day.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

King Snake (Day 12)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water Fast2 Comments

Sleeping was tough because of menstrual cramps.  Yay – let’s add that on to the situation.  Noisy neighbors woke me up too early again.  You think of Sedona a nice quiet peaceful place, but there always seems to be some loud machine noise like everyone is doing major renovations to their home or yard work every day.  There are helicopters and small airplanes.  Someone was jack-hammering for 8 hours today.  I’m getting cranky and everything is annoying.

My major excursion of the morning was to go downstairs to get my weight and some ice water.  I spent some time chatting with Brooke who is in the room across from mine.  She is sweet and fun to talk with.  I took two naps during the day.  I’m still nauseous most of the time.

I went down for yoga (and ice water) in the afternoon.  I didn’t do yoga.  I just laid on the mat and watched the trees and birds and airplanes.  It was nice to hear the music and feel the breeze.  At one point I rolled on my side and saw this pretty red snake booking it along the wall next to me.  He was on a mission.  He got to the stairs and reached up real tall, but couldn’t top the stair so he started to go around, then came back determined to try again.  He reached up real tall and then a little taller and finally found the top of the stair – very determined guy.  He did the same with the next stair and then off to a garden area.  Last I saw he went behind a tree.  That was the highlight of my day.  I looked it up later.  A couple of people said he was red racer, but I think he was a king snake.

The doctor brought me a hot water bottle for my cramps.  At first I put it against my belly and immediately felt horrible.  I thought I might throw up.  So I wonder, is all this nausea I’ve been dealing with coming from my guts or my pelvis?  Am I actually working on issues of disgust and didn’t know it?  I put the hot water bottle on my back and that felt nice and helped the cramps.

The picture below is not the actual snake I saw, but one I found on line that looks similar.  And then………the……stairs……..scarier than a snake.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

Ice Water for the Win (Day 11)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water Fast1 Comment

I woke up feeling ok this morning, slow, but ok.  I didn’t sleep well at all.

I’m running out of clean clothes and my hair smells funny.  I dropped two pounds.  I thought I had leveled off.  I started my period and the doctor said that’s why I dropped so much suddenly.  It should go back to a pound a day or less.

Know how when you close your eyes you see the last thing you were looking at for a second or two.  When I close my eyes, I see that, but then it splits in two and moves in strange directions.  Kind of weird, kind of fun.

I sat in the sun for a half hour.  I laid in bed and listened to the birds.  I checked email and then listened to the birds some more.  Then nearby someone was shoveling rocks into a truck or out of a truck.  It went on for hours.  I became so irritated.  But that’s good because now I get to work on and clear some of that which is still in me.  I closed the windows and put on my white noise fan.  I am sooooooo glad I brought that fan.  I laid there trying to figure out what sound fit my mood.  Sometimes stuck energy will release from your body easier if it has a sound.  It was a kind of whimpering sound.  I whimpered until I fell asleep.  I woke up when someone decided to rearrange the furniture in the room below me.  I did some toning and felt a little better.

About a half hour later, I felt crappy again.  The doctor told me to try hot water or ice water or to alternate to help the nausea.  I tried the hot water even though the concept sounded yucky.  It was quite lovely and helped.  I think it would have helped a lot more if it had coffee in it.  Later in the day I tried the ice water.  That was even better than the hot water.

I got laundry back – yay clean clothes – yay small victories.  The lady with the singing bowls was back today.  It was in the yurt.  I swear they moved the yurt farther away again.  The yurt is evil.  I almost didn’t go.  I did go and I did enjoy it, but I’m worn out and going to bed early tonight.  I’m slowly getting to the part where I just hang out in bed all day.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

Day 10

On By rrainefioreIn Awakening, Uncategorized, Water Fast3 Comments

It’s day 10.  I’m still having the vivid detailed dreams.  I woke up feeling ok.  I mostly sat around in the morning.  I carried my nook around intending to read, but didn’t read.  I went to Cooking 101 class.  It was geared to those who are doing the Gerson therapy.  I will not be doing that – it will suck all the joy out of eating, but if I had cancer, I guess I’d be willing to try.  I still got some good ideas.

I wrote up yesterday’s blog today.  As I re-read the part of being identified with my old body, it just hit me so hard.  I cried for close to 2 hours.  At the end, I’m not sure it actually shifted or if I was too tired to continue crying.  I did feel evaporation from my legs and chest and just tried to lay and experience that.  I let a lot go.

Because of the crying, I missed half of the Awakening class.  When I got there they were talking about ayahuasca and doing card readings.  I’m ok that I missed half the class.  He did a little didgeridoo and toning at the end which is all I was looking for anyway.

In the late afternoon I napped.  It helped me feel better for a bit, but then I just felt crappy – acid re-flux, nausea, and general crappy.  I tried to watch netflix, but that didn’t help.  So I went to be early.

On a happy note, I found this giant rose bush.  I’d say it’s more like a rose tree.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

Body Identification (Day 9)

On By rrainefioreIn Uncategorized, Water FastLeave a comment

It’s Day 9, my new halfway point.  I woke up sad today.  I have no idea what I was sad about.  I was more light headed too.  The weekend lodge guests are noisy.  They bang around and slam doors so I didn’t sleep as late as I would have liked.

My stomach was gurgley in the morning and I was hungry.  At least that didn’t last long.  A little water fixed that up.  My face is starting to get blotchy and it looks like eczema or a rash is coming up.  I’m starting to have trouble putting all the words in the right order to talk.  Some words are missing altogether.  Some words just are wrong and make no sense.  It’s difficult to type for the same reason.  In the evening I felt miserable like I had the flu.  This is common so I wasn’t worried, but it sure was unpleasant.

I got to go on a “field trip” today.  Brooke, George and Miriam are hear doing the Gerson therapy so they get to eat.  They have way more energy than me.  They decided to take quick 1 hour tours to go see some of Sedona.  The doctor said I could go if I didn’t do any hiking or 4 wheeling, neither of which sounded good to me anyway.  We went to see the Chapel of the Holy Cross.  I didn’t go up to the chapel because the walkway looked ridiculous to me, but it was a nice overlook so I sat and overlooked.  Then we went to Bell Rock, but the parking lot was completely full so we said “hey look at Bell Rock” and went back to the lodge.  That felt like enough touring for me so I didn’t go out with them later.

I contacted all the mothers (3) for Mother’s Day.  I sat in the sun.  I sat in the shade.  Sun. Shade.  Doing the reptile thing.  The gong healing guy didn’t come.  I walked the 20 miles (not really) to the yurt for this.  The Innkeeper came down and told us he could do a drum healing for us instead if we liked.  He used the bottom of a plastic bin that was in the yurt.  It was amazing.  We were all blissed out in minutes.  Later I skyped with Peggy – so wonderful to see a familiar loving face.  I really enjoyed it.  During the flu hours, I watched netflix.

The shocking thing of the day was when I got dressed and saw my body in the mirror.  My tight skinny jeans are just….jeans.  I see the body I had 20 years ago.  It looks and feels so familiar.  It feels normal, natural.  It feels like me.  This is the me in my head.  This is the body and the me I am still identified with.  This is the body I had when I was in my best athletic shape, when I moved to and fell in love with Colorado, when every weekend was full of camping, climbing, kayaking or skiing, when I met my husband, when I was excited about being a professional engineer with big career goals, when I felt beautiful, when I was invincible.  I realize I’m identified with my body and that’s not who I am.  I am not my body.  But I didn’t realize I was identified with a body I haven’t owned in 15 years.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore

 

I’m a Reptile (Day 8)

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Once again, I woke up feeling good.  I want to do so many things, but the simplest thing is exhausting so I can’t do much.  My dreams every night continue to be very detailed, specific and intricate.  Last night was like watching a string of short story movies.

It was cooler today, 55 degrees and extremely windy.  I bundled up and went outside to sit in the sun and warm up.  It was the first time I could sit in the sun with out melting.  After about a half hour the sun did the trick and I went to seek shade.  I people watched for a bit.  It’s the weekend and lodge guests kept arriving and checking out the medicine wheel and labyrinth.  It didn’t take long to realize the gecko mating show going on in front of me was way more interesting.  He (I’m assuming) kept prancing by her, puffing up and standing on his tip toes and then bobbing up and down.  She was not interested.  He tried to bite her tail twice.  She ran away.  This went on forever and I think he finally just gave up.  I gave up when the sun found my shady spot and took it away.  I found another shady spot and the sun found me there too.

I gave up on being outside – the sun won – so I hung out in my room for the rest of the morning and early afternoon.  I colored some more.  I read.  I cried.  I just laid there.  Boredom sunk in.  In my head I have so much energy, but I can’t do much and then the little I do gets boring shortly.  I’ve always had trouble relaxing and being still so I get to work on that now.  Then I became very cold again so I went back out to the sun to warm up.  I’ve become a reptile.

During dinner there was a guy playing the guitar and harmonica so even though my dinner was water with a side of water it was very nice to sit and listen.

Today was the first day free of nausea.  Yay!  I spoke to the doctor today to see if I could extend my fast since I’m doing quite well with it and I want to fast as long as I can.  He did some math and said I could extend it 5 more days.  At that point I should be at the weight they don’t want me to go below.  So tomorrow I will try to make arrangements with the lodge and hopefully can stay 6 more days (one extra day of re-feeding).  Fingers crossed.

(c) All Rights Reserved Kimberly Fiore